Feeling Disconnected

[missyoulove]

I find that after my boyfriend and I fight sometimes it's really hard to feel connected to him again. I think the reason why is because there's no way to get any physical affection afterwards because we aren't together. In past relationships that's been something that helps right away. Unfortunately that's just not an option and sometimes I'm not sure what to do to get that connection back. I feel like I need more attention but in a way that he can't give me right now. I know there's other ways to get affection from him but I'm not always sure how and I don't want to just tell him that I need more attention and hope he figures something out cause that's not fair.

Does anyone else find this happens in their LDR? If so, do you have any suggestions on what we can do?

[dukes2011]

I'm actually going through something kind of similar right now, so I feel your frustration! My SO and I had a rough last conversation a few nights ago and I haven't heard from him since. When I called him I got his voicemail, so either his phone is dead or he turned it off. Anyway, a lot of times we'll do something special that we don't normally do like send a card snail mail or Skype. Do you have any of your SO's possessions? I have a shirt of his that I sleep in sometimes and it helps me to have something tangible of his. Also there are plenty of books and places online of questions for couples that range from serious to just random crazy things. We'll do that over Skype and learning something new about each other helps us feel reconnected too.

Have you explained to him that you're feeling disconnected? Maybe he has a great idea, but you just don't know if you haven't asked. Tell him directly that you don't want to just ask for more attention since you feel like that's not fair to him to figure it out himself. Maybe you can work together and find a way to reconnect. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon!

[stephanieaz]

I have gone through periods where I have felt disconnected from my fiance for whatever reasons. I am always very open with him when I am feeling this way. I don't expect him to do anything and sometimes he doesn't know what to do, but he is supportive. Sometimes I will listen to the playlist of "our songs", sit down and write him a letter. Or sometimes I will allow myself a certain amount of time to "baby" myself - say an hour or two. I will lay in bed with the stuffed animals he's given me (he also had pillow cases made for me) and cry if I need to, think about him, watch a romantic comedy or read a book, etc. It's not a way to re-connect per se, but it can help clear your mind and make you feel better. A lot of times, I find that I am just feeling restless with life in general and find a project to occupy myself (sometimes it's related to him, sometimes not). The feeling passes eventually! Good luck. I hope you get to feeling better soon.

[Carenza LaRue]

yeah,

we have that too after we had arguments.

but we use humour to lighten up the situation.
he posts songs with a special meaning on my wall.... or a silly picture of a hamburger.... it makes no sense I know, but the message is clear to me... it's him saying we've had enough of the arguments and now it's time to move on.

I text him and ask him if he wants coffee.... or a beer.... which is ridiculous because we're so far away that I can't offer him a drink... haha.... but with these messages he knows we're done with the whole ordeal.
using humour, the kind that only makes sense to us, really helps us to overcome the difficult period between a huge argument and the normal lovey dovey situation.
it's a kind of secret code where we both say to stop, give up without losing face.
and it works for us as it breaks the ice....

[Amelia]

i just recently had a fight with my SO the other night, not going to go into what is was about and all that, however i did feel disconnected after it. i think i was frustrated at him. Anyway we stopped talking for a couple of hours i really didnt want to be the first person to give in and text/call him plus i was busy... and when i had a spare moment i checked my phone and i had a message from him and all it said was "Quack Quack". All i could do was laugh, i think in order to get get the connection back you need to bring some humour back into the relationship and have fun, it just shows that your both ready to forgive and forget and get back to before

[D.4C]

i actually think you do need to tell him that you need more attention...my girlfriend told me early on that because of things in her past...that she requires more attention...and knowing that early on...i think it helps me to understand the things she needs from me...i am a huuuge advocate of being open...and talking about things...everything...it just helps in the present and future...makes things easier...for us at least...as for how to get the connection back after a fight or argument...maybe after it happens...you both need to just take a little time to cool off...and then call back or whatever..talk about it...how to resolve it...say i'm sorry or whatever...and move on...don't dwell on things...only makes them worse...just speak what's on you mind...in a good way...no raising voices or anything...how the situation made you feel...and move past it...just my advice...