A common thing?

[Zapookie]

This might be a little long, so bear with me! (or you can skip to the bolded bit)

My boyfriend has been working at a food festival for the last 3 weeks. Earlier this week I went to meet him after his shift one night. He introduced me to a few of his work pals. I spoke to many different people, and it so happened that two of his colleagues that I met were in long distance relationships, a guy named Jase and a girl named Mia.

I spoke to these two extensively throughout the night about being LD and I felt like I could relate to them. I gave them advice and encouraged them - they are both away from their partners right now. We talked back and forth about our situations and I felt like I had bonded to these people in a way. I almost felt like I had made new friends (haha :P)

Fast forward to last night - the festival my SO worked at was only for 3 weeks, so the company who organised it held a work after party on saturday to thank everyone who had worked there. Christian brought me along and I saw the same faces from my first visit and it was awesome. There was a lot of alcohol involved though (it was free and what was left over from the festival), so there was lots of crazy antics (even on my part), lots of laughter and generally everyone was having a good time. We were about half way into the night when we were all standing around outside and talking... suddenly I turn around and Mia (who is in an LDR) is making out with one of the co-workers. I was dumbfounded... and then Jase (LD as well), who was with our group, says to me "that's why my girlfriend always wants to know where I am, I did the same thing to her".

At that point I didn't know what to say. Both of these people were telling me how much they missed their partners just days before (actually, not even, we had spoken again about it that same night). I was thinking in my head... am I the exception to the rule? Is this ACTUALLY common? I'd heard about people saying LD doesn't last because people will always cheat, but in my mind that was BS because I knew so many people on LFAD who stayed faithful. I had never met someone in rl who was LD and cheated.

I by no means judged either of these two individuals. Everyone has their reasons. I was just in shock at first.

This isn't a question. I wanted to share and to know what your opinions on this might be. Or if you have any stories along these same lines to share, I'd appreciate your input. Senk you

[D.4C]

my jaw would have prolly dropped as well..only thing i can think of...is that maybe their SO's are ok with something more open?...i know i wouldn't be...but i know there are alot of relationships out there that are like that...and no...you are not an exception..i treat my LDR just as i would if she was here already...and i know she does as well...ever since i asked her to be my girlfriend...and actually for about a month before that...i felt absolutely no need to flirt with anyone else...or even think about anyone else...all my thoughts and flirting were directed at her...lol...yea i know...i'm kind of a hopeless romantic...but i could just tell that she was the one i wanted to spend my life with...no need to flirt or think about anyone else...but i agree with you...i would have been totally suprised...and prolly even uncomfortable after what they had both told you...

[jleec24]

Something similar has happened to me actually! My girlfriend and I were at a Glow In The Dark party before we had turned into a Long Distance Relationship. The alcohol was really cheap and everybody had been getting drunk (me included, I think I vaguely remember giving my girlfriend a lapdance...) and one of our friends were there who is in a LDR. Later towards the night we're all dancing and we look over and see that our friend was making out and holding hands with some guy. We were supposed to be taking the same cab back with them so during the trip my girlfriend casually asked "We saw you making out with some guy. Are you going to tell your boyfriend?" and she mumbled something incoherently and I think she said no or something.

But no, you are not the only one. My girlfriend and I are very faithful and very loyal. We don't flirt and if others do flirt we tell each other on the spot. I don't feel the need to flirt or hook up with anybody else as well because my girl is the only one for me as of now and even if I have to wait months and months to get something physical with her, I'd wait. What we have is something so special I don't feel the need to dabble in the unimportant and meaningless.

[Hololz]

Yup seen it happen. Then the poor girl came to stay with us for a month and they broke up a day before she went home :/ (Dont think he ever told her...)

I was surprised at some peoples perceptions of LD. I once got asked out on a date by this guy I had only just met, and obviously I said no because I was in a relationship. Anyway, I ended up telling my friend who was there with me at the time, and his exact words were "Oh its a shame you have a BF"... I was like WTF is that supposed to mean?

But before I left to come back to the UK, he apologised and told me that most people wouldnt have said no. That sounded kind of alien to me tbh... Drunken cheating is one thing, but actively going out on a date with someone when you're still in a relationship? (Neither are acceptable obviousl but I think I would personally be a lot less forgiving of the latter activity)

[LittleBox]

I'd hate to think its a common thing but I guess it happens more often than not especially during times when your mind inebriated. Either way, there's no excuse. Like D.4C said maybe the couple have some sort of open relationship arrangement or they've opted for a "what they don't know won't hurt them" approach and keep mum about everything :/ I'm more introverted and prefer to keep to myself, my boy likes to mingle. He has always encouraged me to make friends and we both trust each other expressly. It all comes down to trust and honesty. Last night he was at a party where someone came on to him and he told me about it and said he clearly told his flatmates that he didn't want to do anything with anyone because he was an ldr with me. Bottom line, he tells me about these things out of respect and vice-versa. We don't want anything either of does to hurt each other. I don't want to stifle him either, I don't demand to know where he is or what he's doing. But we have this level of trust and understanding between us that puts me at ease.

[Dziubka]

I actually think it happens more often than we think.

My ex's new relationship was an LD as well, and I saw him making out with girls that were not his (then-)girlfriend more than once. I try not to judge. I don't know anything about other people's relationship and it's really not up to me to tell others how to do their (long distance) relationship right. I'm sure there are things that I do in my relationship that others think are wrong and I would prefer for them to keep it to themselves.

Actually to me worse than him making out with someone else, was that he did it in front of a lot of their common friends. I pretty much believe in "What the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't grieve over". If my boyfriend ever cheats on me, he better makes VERY sure I never find out. Doing it in plain view of common friends would be extremely humiliating to me.
But that's obviously how I feel about it and maybe she doesn't even care or that was what they agreed on. So really, not my place to say it's wrong.

I guess for a lot of people it's hard to be committed in an LDR. It sure is for me. I wouldn't even attempt if there were no regular visits and an end in (far) sight. Depending on what you need in a relationship, it can be very hard to feel connected and determine whether your SO is someone you want to commit to for longer, if you're not spending a lot of time together. I understand all that and I sort of understand that it can be difficult to take your relationship seriously when you're so far away from your partner.
Maybe LDRs don't require more work than CDRs, but they require different work.

Apart from that people in close distance relationships cheat all the time. Being in a relationship or even being committed means something else for everyone.

[Zephii]

I think it's common even for people not in LDRs. It has to be, because otherwise the huge amount of paranoia I see around me almost every day would be unfounded. I think, at some level, it's probably true that humans are not naturally monogamous. But, hell, there's a lot of shit we humans do that's "unnatural" so I'm all for monogamy!

[Tooki]

If I wasn't able to see my GF at least once a year, I would have F'this to my LDR. I know that she isn't emotionally set up to cheat on me and I love her too much to do it, but it's also ridiculous how easy it is to cheat. It's also quite normal for us to feel those temptations to cheat occasionally.

I've also spoken to my GF about this, and we both agreed that monogamy won't work for us.