Not sure what to do.

[heathergro]

My boyfriend and I have been having problems for quite some time, stemming from two major mistakes I made earlier this year. Because of these mistakes, he is convinced that I do not want to move to him and has been operating under that mindset since April, and has been distancing himself more and more due to this. We almost broke up during a very strained visit in August, but ended up talking for a significant amount of time about where we stood and how we felt, and we said that we loved each other, wanted to be together, and weren't ready to give up yet. He said that I need to get the ball rolling on my end in order for things to change on his and told me that, if things didn't change, he might have to walk away. He was very sweet/affectionate after our talk and before I left, which was the only time he was during my trip, and my family even noticed a difference in him during our visit. Needless to say, I was pretty devastated. We decided we should talk less in an effort to improve our conversations and, for awhile, things seemed to be okay. We would text for a bit every day, he was incredibly supportive when my grandma was in the hospital, but it was hard to get used to not talking to him whenever he got off work at night. I called him after a week and the conversation went well, so I didn't worry too much, and just kept myself busy. I have been applying for jobs nonstop and have been keeping him in the loop about things. I went down there for a weekend last month and spent my time dropping off resumes, following up on leads, and he told me that he was glad I got things accomplished while I was there. I thought things would start to get better since I showed him that, hey, I'm not just kidding around about this, but nothing has changed.

He has called me back after missing a call, then called me the next night after not being able to talk to me, and did touch base with me after no contact for 10 or so days due to his being busy with things to explain what was going on, we still tell each other we love each other, but it's mainly me who is initiating everything. I'm still applying and have two companies who have contacted me about jobs, but have not set up interviews with me yet. I'm still applying daily, still looking, still planning on moving, but I'm starting to get insanely frustrated by our situation. I feel like I'm the only one in the relationship, the only one fighting for this to work. I completely understand why he was hurt by the mistakes I made and I have accepted responsibility, apologized, and I genuinely did not mean any harm. I do want to be there and am taking every step I can think of to make that happen. We've ruled out me moving without a job (he's gone as far as to say that it would be completely ridiculous and I cannot live with him until I have one), which I don't really want to do anyway, but I really am trying. Our two year is Tuesday and I'm supposed to go down there this weekend and right now, I just have massive cold feet about it. I don't want to lose him because, when our relationship is good, we have such a connection, and I really do love him... but I can't keep going like this. Any help is appreciated.

[stephanieaz]

Everyone makes mistakes. Don't beat yourself up over it. He needs to work on getting past your mistakes and moving on. Would you still move to South Carolina if not for him? I mean, you are making a pretty big commitment by finding a new job and moving and it doesn't sound like he is being all that supportive right now. You need to be 100% sure before you go any further with the job search, I would think. It's also hard to want to make these changes when your mind isn't in the right place to due underlying issues in your relationship. Have you tried having a serious conversation with him about how you are feeling? Depending on what you are most comfortable with, you could do it before you visit or while you're visiting. I would probably want to clear the air before I went, but that's just me!

Good luck. I hope everything works out for the best and you have a great visit.

[meganpillow]

Everyone makes mistakes. Don't beat yourself up over it. He needs to work on getting past your mistakes and moving on. Would you still move to South Caroline if not for him? I mean, you are making a pretty big commitment by finding a new job and moving and it doesn't sound like he is being all that supportive right now. You need to be 100% sure before you go any further with the job search, I would think. It's also hard to want to make these changes when your mind isn't in the right place to due underlying issues in your relationship. Have you tried having a serious conversation with him about how you are feeling? Depending on what you are most comfortable with, you could do it before you visit or while you're visiting. I would probably want to clear the air before I went, but that's just me!

Good luck. I hope everything works out for the best and you have a great visit.

I couldn't agree more. Lets get real-- mistakes did happen, and mistakes will continue to happen. You can't go back in time and make it not happen. So all you can do is look foreword. Don't look back unless you want to go that direction. Breathe. Ok. Next.
I am no expert, nor do I know exactly the situation, but based on what you wrote, it doesn't sound like he is too supportive. Job hunting is difficult, especially under a lot of pressure. If anything, he should be there cheering you on, helping you out, or something. When you said "He said that I need to get the ball rolling on my end in order for things to change on his and told me that, if things didn't change, he might have to walk away" that really made me upset. Is he seriously threatening you? That's not nice. You got to put your foot down at some point, and speak to him. I know you love him, but if you are seeking advice, it means that something is just not right.

Good luck to you, and I promise things will always work out in the end!