Update, a sad update.

[Nbaby]

Hey all,


I guess i wanted to give you guys an update how it goes.. I wanted 2 visit my SO this winter for 3 months due to internship and ofc him. But everything changed a lot. I cant go anymore because my ex found out and told my parents that i was going to see my SO. My mom forbids me to go and im not allowed to go anymore. He has to come here instead but not sure yet when that will happen. A lot has happend the past few months. My ex is still contacting me ( which irritates me so bad). The relationship with my parents and family is getting worse. School isnt going smoothly either. I wasnt feeling good the past weeks as well. I cant sleep and i feel sad all the time. I start crying randomly. First i thought it was due hormones because i start using the anticonceptionpill. But also my diet changed. Im slowly losing my appetite for food and i dont enjoy it as much as i used too.
I start ignoring a lot of people who hurt me in the past. And i lock myself in my room all day. I often sleep through my alarm. So i end up waking up late and feel like I already make a bad start why not call in sick. I just feel like losing a lot of motivation to do things in life.

I just dont know what to do anymore. Im afraid that im depressed. Thats the last thing i need right now. I really have to finish school. I dont want my SO to think he is with a sad depressed insecure emo girl. Thats the reason i dont really talk about it with him and i dont want to bother people with my problems either. Im scared he will leave me because i am depressed now. I also want to get a second job but im not sure. I will probably sleep through my alarm and wont do well.

Anyone has advice for me? Should i go in therapy?

[Tooki]

You are 21 and your parents prevented you from visiting your SO? Did you pay for the travel expenses or was it your parents?

Also just curiously, are you from an Asian nation?

[Nbaby]

No i would pay everything myself. I live in europe but im from south america. But I still live at them so I dont think i have much of a choice here. They are very protective over me.

[stephanieaz]

I definitely think you should consider therapy and possibly get someone to prescribe you an anti-depressant. I have lived with depression for as long as I can remember and mine has been pretty bad lately. It really can be debilitating. I think you should talk to your SO about how you have been feeling. Chances are good that he will be understanding and will be supportive. You really need all of the support you can get right now. You don't have to tell him every little detail, but let him know that you've been feeling down lately, have been having a difficult time, etc.

It is hard to comment on the situation with your parents without knowing where you live and what your culture is like. Do you live with them? Do they pay for your expenses?

Your ex may contact you, but you don't have to reciprocate. If he is causing you grief, it may be best to cut him off and not have any form of communication with him. How did he know that you were planning to visit your SO? If my parents were still in contact with my ex, I would probably let them know that I wasn't comfortable with it.

Good luck. I hope you're able to get some help and start feeling better soon.

[Tooki]

Your parents have no say then if you are paying for the travel yourself. You need to stand up to them and tell them that you are an adult, and that you will be paying for all of this yourself. I know that it can and will be hard, but you need to do it for yourself as well .

Have they met or do they know of your SO?

[stephanieaz]

No i would pay everything myself. I live in europe but im from south america. But I still live at them so I dont think i have much of a choice here. They are very protective over me.

You answered my questions while I was typing my response. If you are living with your parents, but paying all of your own expenses, I would sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with them. It may not change anything, but you'll never know until you try.

[Nbaby]

Well my ex thought i was behaving weird and he start doing research and went on my skype account and read my conversations with my SO. He also knows about this website because i think he went to internet history. He also wanted to check my phone and we ended up in a huge fight because i refused to give my phone to him. He keeps contacting me and make me feel bad and guilty that i broke up with him. He always tells me he wants me back but i know i made the right decision. I try to cut him off but he always finds a new way to contact me.

My parents know about my SO right now but i wasnt ready to tell them yet because i know how they would respond. But now they know and they still dont understand how it happend. My mom is confused and my stephdad is just mad. I also talked to my mom how i feel that they just invite my ex over without telling me. She wasnt very happy with it, she actually said i was rude to her. I just talked to her like an adult but she found that rude. So I dont think its possible to have a normal talk with them. They dont see me like an adult so I just gave up on all that talking thing. My mom is always like you can tell me everything. And then when i do i always get negative feedback. Oh and yes i do pay all my bills and vacations i never ask them for money.

As long as i live at my parents i guess i have to follow their rules. I cant really act on my own.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Your parents have no say then if you are paying for the travel yourself. You need to stand up to them and tell them that you are an adult, and that you will be paying for all of this yourself.

Half-agree. You are an adult, and therefore can make your own decisions, however, you are still living with your parents. That means that living there, you have to live by their rules. If it's possible, save some money and move out. If it's not possible, do talk to them, but acknowledge that while you live there, they do get a certain amount of say.

In terms of the depression, see a doctor, see a therapist. It's possible to work yourself out of it, but seeing as there seems to be a lot of conflict going on around you, I agree that a bit of professional help would do you some good.

And try not to panic too much about feeling rubbish. If you beat yourself up about it, you'll only make yourself feel worse. Remind yourself that it's ok to not feel ok.

*hugs* I hope things get better for you. I'm sure they will.

[Tooki]

You're right. Although in my parents house, if I was still living there (and paying a share of the rent etc) that essentially 'buys' your freedom if you understand me. I would also be furious if my mother invited an ex of mine over like that, but is his family friends with your family?

[Nbaby]

Thanks for the responses everyone. I appreciate it.
Really thank u so much.

Im really considering therapy. I want to move out but i cant because i dont make enough money hence
I want to take a second job but how the things are going now.. *sigh*.

[Nbaby]

You're right. Although in my parents house, if I was still living there (and paying a share of the rent etc) that essentially 'buys' your freedom if you understand me. I would also be furious if my mother invited an ex of mine over like that, but is his family friends with your family?

Well they know eachother but they're not really that close. But i guess my parents feel a bit bad for him so they try 2 comfort him.
We were together for 6 years maybe also because of that.

[stephanieaz]

The best thing to do is take things one at a time, one step at a time. You can't change everything over night, but you can start making improvements in one area. A lot of times, if you can just get started on improving one area, other things seem to just fall into place. Getting started can be hard, but we're here to help!

[Romeo s Juliet]

i think what you are so concerned about right now is the feling of sadness/i dnt want to be depressed/i dpnt want my boyfriend to think i am a emo girl/i wish things happend differently.
i think there is alot of sadness wihin you that you need to let out. I do not know you personally, but sometimes it is good to be weak, and feel you are not in control, it is good to let go, and talk to your bf and let him know the real you who is sufferring right now with all this feelings of sadness and remorse.
its okay to lose control and know that we become weak sometimes it is perfectly ok
take some time to let go and face your emotions i hope you feel better soon

[Nbaby]

Thanks all for ur advice and responces.
It does suck not being in control sometimes. I do my best 2 slow things down.

[kittyo9]

Just in terms of being 21 and having parents who tell you you can't/shouldn't go...

I'm 21. I make my own money, but my parents still support me financially (pay for my housing) since most of my money goes towards food and college expenses. My mom told me not to go and would not support my decision to go because she was severely concerned for my safety and said I shouldn't be spending my money on those kinds of things, especially since SHE didn't know him and didn't know if she could trust him (overprotective), even after I'd been with him for a year and a half.

I went anyway. I paid for everything on my own. I came back home. Everything is fine.