So freaking excited! and so very scared.

[Mfashnik]

I'm not entirely sure where this goes. This whole section thing is new to me.

Erik and I after four years of distance have real and actual plans to close the distance this May. That's six months. . . not that I'm counting. In May Erik is going to move here while I finish grad school until we can both move back up to Delaware where we plan to settle down for good. Two things. . .

1. I CANNOT WAIT- I am so excited and happy and impatient. I have been waiting for this moment to even become possible for four years now and we finally are taking the steps to make it happen. I'm so proud of him for taking this on and so excited to begin this new chapter in our lives.

2. I'm terrified. I am so scared that we are going to be too stressed about money and school and work for us to enjoy our first year together. I don't want him to resent me for making him move down here (despite the fact that its his decision 100%) and I don't want to get tired of him if I'm the ONLY person he has in the area. I'm worried that instead of bringing us together this move will tear us apart.

I of course have discussed all of these fears with him. We have discussed how it is not the most financially sound option and how it is going to take a lot of work and dedication, but he is adamant that we need this time together and I agree with him. We are both tired of waiting and this is a good opportunity for both of us. Nothing is tying him to where he is- and as of this May I'm out of a place to live with no roommate options and no way to finance an apartment on my own. It seems right, I just can't shake the worry. Erik of course, because he's the sane one, insists that it's normal to be worried and I would be dumb not to worry. We have shared our fears and are even making plans to prevent all these nasties from coming up.

I guess I'm wondering for those of you who have moved in with your SO or are planning to- how do you cope with these fears? how many of them were realized and how many of them were silly? What were your biggest concerns and how did it work out?

[Zephii]

That's great news

I might sound like a weirdo, but I think it's less about enjoying your first year together and more about surviving it. All relationships go through hard times, and you can either learn to work through them together, or you're probably better off just being mates instead. It can't always be good. There have to be hard times, but if you go in prepared, that really helps. And you're already talking about it, which makes a huge difference. You can never talk too much before making a move like this.

For us, yeah, the first year sucked pretty bad actually. The first four months, he came to me. It was his first time out of home, never been away from his parents more than two weeks. It was a strange country for him, we had huge financial stress and living arrangement stress on top of it. At one point, I told him to go home, because he was making me miserable and I couldn't handle his shit any more (that's more or less a direct quote). He didn't leave though, he made a stellar effort to be lass of an asshat, and stayed in the country until I was ready to leave with him - mostly because he was damn sure if he left I would not bother to follow him a few months later
Then, when we got back to his country, I was miserable. I'd been there before, and it was fine, but there were a lot of resentment issues between us and a lot of pressure from his family regarding a permanent solution to the distance, which we hadn't get decided upon.

But, we got through it. We found ways to talk about our issues, and took them out one at a time. We found ways to make a life together work for both of us. We learnt what was important to keep the relationship going, and what would make us break. We worked together, and compromised. And now, only a couple short years later, I'm the happiest I've ever been.

On the fear front, I don't recall having any. I mean yeah I was concerned about finding work, living with his parents temporarily, the paperwork was scary, etc, but relationship wise I think I knew that the only way is forward.

I think you'll be ok. You'll get jobs, and make a budget. You'll find ways to have fun that don't blow that budget. When shit gets really bad, you can look back and remember how far you've come and that his irritating habits are far more preferable than living life over skype. He'll make his own friends in time, and he'll have his friends/family back home that he can still keep in contact with. It'll work out alright in the end - just make sure you give it enough time to do so before you think about throwing in the towel