SO doesn't enjoy life anymore.

[Diego]

So, My SO has been very depressed lately. She says she doesn't enjoy doing the things she used to (going out with friends, going to school, dance lessons, etc) and I believe she tried to indirectly tell me that that includes speaking with me (though I have a reputation of over-thinking things, so I'm not too worried). She says she feels sad and depressed, and also that she is tired of LD and wants me there (I'm going for a visit in march and transferring to that university in September, might visit her a few more times in between depending on how that first visit in march goes).

Nothing that I do seems to cheer her up. Anyone have any suggestions?

To give you a bit more perspective: I'm Mexican/American, She's Russian. We're both in College, and while I'm in the USA, She's in Russia (Moscow). She's 18 and I'm 19 (though both our birthdays are coming up).

I think that if she tried to be a bit more positive, she could get over this, but she is just like me, may be moody.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to cheer her up, please tell me. I've already sent her a video of my cute dog playing and a video of me playing a cover of "Hey there Delilah" on the guitar, arranged to fit our situation. If that doesn't cheer her up then I don't know what.

Any empathy (and especially suggestions) will be appreciated.
Thank you!
-Diego

[kittyo9]

It's hard to tell someone "just to be positive" because when it really is depression, that just doesn't happen. As much as you may want to, it isn't necessarily your responsibility to "cheer her up." What you can do is be supportive, make sure you're there for her, and help her find ways to engage herself in things she likes. Sometimes having a creative outlet helps-- keeping a blog, making things (paintings, drawings, crafts, things to send to you, etc)-- so if you know she likes any of those things, maybe propose doing one of those things with her one night (like over skype or something) so you can share the experience, and you'll both have something to remember your partner by once you're done.

[Mfashnik]

I struggle with depression a lot in my life in general and within my relationship as well. I agree with kittyo9. If it's depression she cannot just think positively. It doesn't work that way. Continue to encourage and support her and let her know you're there for her. Other than that you can't really do much and I know that is frustrating. Be patient with her- it's probably something she needs to overcome on her own and the most you can do is be available to her. Encourage her to seek support and encouragement among friends and family as well. Maybe suggest finding a counselor or a group that could help her deal with her new negative feelings. College is kind of that time when life gets really real for some people and it can bring you down. Take heart and don't give up. I'm sure you two will get through it.

[kiara_silver]

Depression is hard to deal with, I dont think there's an easy quick solution, or a quick fix. I think the first step is for the person to acknowledge that there's a problem, and want to change that and go from there. Communication I think is also key. Most of the time the depressed one doesn't want to talk or share, but i think facing depression on your own is very hard and you shouldnt have to do it alone. So keep letting her know your there to talk, there to listen, even if its hard on you as well, knowing that your there for her helps. Keep the positive encouragement up. We've gone through this a few times during our relationship, and right now we just entered LDR again after 5 months of together and I feel myself on the edge just a bit. But knowing my SO is there, and he's supportive and we make time, even if its just a quick hello message, having that to see in the morning gets me through it. I say just stay strong, don't give up, and I hope she works through it. Oh and save up for those visits lol

[stephanieaz]

Please do not tell her that if she just tried to be more positive, she could get over this. If she is dealing with depression, it's not that easy. I am in the same situation as your SO right now and that's one of the worst things you can say. Just be there for her as much as you can. Support her and let her know you're there to help. Understand that you're not the problem and it most likely has nothing to do with you. Be patient. Encourage her to do things, but don't push. Love on her and show her affection often. She most likely appreciates the things you have done for her (the videos and stuff), even if she doesn't say it. I think all of us get tired of the LD aspect every so often. It can be very emotionally draining sometimes. Perhaps initiate discussions with her about your future together, make plans, etc. so that she is reminded that this isn't forever. Good luck. It's slow, but it will pass eventually.

[Oldblighty]

I am currently going through a bout of depression and my SO is finding it very difficult knowing what to say or do to make me feel better. He thinks because he can't make me happy it's his fault and of course this is not the case at all. My SO also says to me "Be more positive" but that's the last thing I really want to hear when I'm feeling so low. Not saying I don't want any contact with my chap, but just some encouraging emails, words of love really do help. Just be there for her when's your SO is ready to talk.

[efish1042]

This is something I've seen here many times. This is my standard reply - not to downplay this at all, it is very serious - but this is the advice I have to offer to people in this situation.
https://members.lovingfromadistance....pression/page2
I hope it helps, love.

[Nbaby]

I agree with all the above posters. It has no use to tell her to be positive it doesnt help. But being there for her and support is important.
I know its hard with the distance but thats all u can do for now. I totally know how she feels that ure not close to her right now and u probably have a hard time with it too. Just dont blame it on urself that she is depressed. I hope everything goes better soon.

[LittleBox]

I'm going to echo what everyone else said about being supportive. Maybe have her check off the dates on a calendar so that she can look forward to your visit Or try and do things together (watch movies, play games online, listen to music etc) to keep her mind preoccupied.

PS. Hey There Delilah is an amazing song, one of my absolute favourites (:

[Carenza LaRue]

whenever I felt depressed in the past, I used to listen to audiobooks by Abraham Hicks.... they have a youtube channel too..

made perfect sense to me.... Abraham says that thoughts... negative or positive... are really vibrations of energy and you can bend them at your will....
trick is not to give too much attention to the negative thoughts, because as soon as you think negative thoughts, they have the power over you.
maybe you can make her aware of these you tubes and see if they hold any value for her..... because she has to fight depression herself... nothing you can do for her accept being there.

ooo and whenever I feel depressed these days (not so often any more thanks to Abraham), my SO knows he doesn't have to give it much attention himself. we found out that my negative feelings about anything backfired on our relationship because he thought he was the reason for my depression..... with arguments as a result.... and even more negative feelings on my side...
so he just asks how I am feeling, and if I say I am not feeling good, he changes the subject.

best of luck....

[Kristin91]

My best advice is to get her to talk to someone. There are probably counselors at her school that are trained to help people like this. Last year I was mildly depressed and my SO went with me to set up an appointment to talk to one of the counselors. Personally talking to someone and having someone help me figure out what I was feeling and how to deal with it.