Fighting

[pinkypromise]

me and my so have been together for a year and three months and have only been long distance 2 months of the time.. we arent perfect so ofcourse we have had our fights but since we have been long distance we literally seem to fight from the time we wake up and talk till the time we go to sleep at night. the fights do not stop, but when it comes to the point where we are tired of the fights and we think about a break up neither one of us want it. we seem to get so bad where we fix things for like a day or two and then its right back to fighting.. yet we dont want to be without eachother.. we try to blame it on the distance and that we just arent meant for the distance and we need to make it through it cause we know how great we are when we are together.. im just worried it wont be the same when we are back in person because of the distance :'( all of our fights are about little things.. like not answering the phone or tone of voice.. or even if one of us wants to go to sleep earlier than the other... and suggestions or even just open thoughts on the situation? i want to be together and ill do whatever it takes to make it work. just want the fighting to stop. if anyone else has this problem, id be happy to listen.

[rubydissolution]

I've said this and lots of other people have said this. DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL THINGS! Let them go. You said you guys are fighting about all these small little things that shouldn't matter. Then talk to ur SO and discuss letting all these stupid insignificant things go when they happen before they become a fight.

[Anyaheirkoya]

Oh, man. :-( That sounds really rough. I don't really have advice from personal experience...my SO and I have always been LD, and have never really fought. Disagreed, and got snappy and tense, but never fights...Then again, I don't know how you define 'fights'. Let's see...during our rough patches, what helped was figuring out the underlying cause of the hostility, (usually fear, exhaustion, frustration at being LD) and then just remembering how freaking much we love each other, why this is worth is, and working through the fear of relationship failure. Thing is, LD is our only option right now. And it sounds like it's the same for you guys. (I mean, most people who have the option to be CD are, lol.) Anyway, when we finally accepted it, and learned how to deal with it, things got better. I know this isn't the most useful advice...but I really have found, in anyone I've ever fought with, that there's much more going on under the surface, even if it's about stupid stuff.

[Zapookie]

You guys just need to work on your communication and learn about each others communication styles. Sit down and talk (when you're both in a good mood) and figure out what it is that's causi g the fights, and what you can both do to resolve it and not have it happen again.

[sewbama]

Talking with him about how you really want things to be (no fighting, only talking about good things, maybe talking a little less to have fewer opportunities to fight and more things to say, etc) is really the first step. Maybe a good way to do that is in some way let him know that you are considering having that conversation so that he can get together in his head his goals, and then you can compare and compromise and get a plan together.

After that, you just have to remember what you're doing this for. Of course, it's miserable. No one wants to be away from someone they love. So you're doing this for a reason. Remember that. And when something happens that could make you upset and cause a fight, make a conscious decision not to. Every time you are getting mad, try to stop yourself for a moment and analyze the reasons. Sometimes it might be a good reason to be upset. You don't want to say you'll never fight again. Just learn to be able to tell the difference between the little things and the important ones and give yourself time to do it BEFORE you have that fight, rather than after.

I don't think anything is necessarily wrong with your relationship. It's hard to change situations like this and expect nothing to change. Little fights are just a manifestation of the frustration you guys have at being apart. Just do your best to work through them. I bet it'll turn out ok.

Good luck.

[Zephii]

You need to learn not to fuel the fire. You know that flicker of irritation you feel the moment before something narky comes out of your mouth? Well sometimes, you need to feel that flicker and take it as the warning it is, swallow whatever you were about to say and go for something nice instead.
You do need to pick your battles - work out what's worth fighting over and what's not. And so does he. A great deal of it probably comes from frustration (and possibly from talking too much, your post makes me think you're on the phone a lot!) but you both need to realise you're feeling like that and not to take it out on each other. You're in this together - on the same team.