When to break up...

[inez]

I was caught sneaking 700 miles away to my SO's hometown. My parents weren't as mad about that as they were about the blatant lying. Punishment: We may not be able to see each other for another year, and I'm being cut loose for everything financially except for half of my schooling. (And if I mess up again, I lose all of it, including a place to stay).

So now the dreaded question: Is this worth it.

I've been second guessing EVERYTHING lately. Just because I love someone doesn't mean I should be with them. I do love him so much, but I don't know if I believe him when he promises that we'll be together some day. A lot of it has to do with his general laziness and apathy in every day life. When we started talking about trying to close the distance, I took a semester off school to work 2 jobs to make sure I would be ready for that financially, and I signed up for extra classes the following semester to make sure I was still on track to graduate on time. I even changed my major to make sure I had more options available to me. He decided to do similar things, but I've just watched him gradually stray away from them.

This is the biggest worry I have, though (and the reason I don't think he can promise we'll be together):
He hasn't been away from home yet. We're both 20, and next August he *plans* on going away to college (he's been going to a community college). He doesn't believe me when I say things are going to be really different when he lives at school. For the past 3 years his life has been: school, work, sit at home on the computer, and maybe once a month going to visit one of his friends at school (they are all over 2 hours away). When he moves into a dorm, he will make friends, he will see people every day, they will ask him to do things frequently, etc. It's unavoidable, he's a really likeable guy.

Aaaaand I'm especially worried about girls. It's not that I don't trust him, it's that I don't want to hold him back. I am his first kiss, his first relationship, his first everything. He never even really had a girl as a friend before me. He's genuine, nice, tall, handsome, and he always smells good... I mean, this is a lethal combo right here! Girls will take interest, they will be friendly, and his shyness will subside after interacting with them on a daily basis.

I don't know what to do. This ISN'T worth it to me if it winds up being for nothing. I feel like I'm taking a really big chance on him. I know this is ultimately up to what I want to do, but I was wondering if I could hear your input.

[Mims27]

LDR's aren't for everyone. They are really mentally and emotionally challenging. And it would be a lie if I said I didn't have those same thoughts at one point or another. But my answer is always yes, because I love this person more than I can even explain and if we are meant to be together we will be. I will do everything in my power to make it work, because it IS worth it to me.

The best advice I can give you is talk to your SO about. See where he stands. Tell him your worries and concerns and go from there. Don't give something good up just because you are unsure or scared. Hang in there.

[Black_Halloween]

You're 20 years old, you don't have to sneak around.

[inez]

You're 20 years old, you don't have to sneak around.

Except I'll be treated like a child as long as I'm financially dependent. I have to ask permission to do things, still.

[iHeartt]

LDR's aren't for everyone. They are really mentally and emotionally challenging. And it would be a lie if I said I didn't have those same thoughts at one point or another. But my answer is always yes, because I love this person more than I can even explain and if we are meant to be together we will be. I will do everything in my power to make it work, because it IS worth it to me.

The best advice I can give you is talk to your SO about. See where he stands. Tell him your worries and concerns and go from there. Don't give something good up just because you are unsure or scared. Hang in there.

I agree with Mims27. Talk to him. Tell him your worries and fears and see what he thinks of them. Maybe he has some worries and fears you're not aware of. Don't give up just because you're scared of the unknown.

[Brieasaurus]

That was initially my biggest fear, wasting time out of my life and taking this huge chance on someone who may not pull through for me. I think that you know him best though, is he likely going to change and become the responsible guy you want in the end? Like the others, I definitely recommend talking to him about it and being realistic. Do you think that the recent stress of being financially dependent/not being allowed to see him is clouding your judgement at all?

[XxFranticLovexX]

Honestly, you would have probably gotten a better reaction if you weren't sneaking around and lying about it. Just because you are dependent on your parents doesn't mean that you couldn't at least try talking to them about your relationship, your age would have probably helped them accept it if you hadn't went behind their back with it. Honestly, the way you went about everything is probably just furthering how much they treat you like a child. Just because you're being punished for you deception doesn't mean that your relationship isn't worth keeping though. My advice is pretty much the same as the advice above. Think about your relationship and what you want and also talk to him and see what he wants. Once the two of you discuss that, use the knowledge that you have gained to decide what it is that you really want to do.

As for whether or not you're wasting your time, that's a chance that you take in any relationship or venture in life. It could turn out well or it could fall through, nothing is really certain. Those are chances that you have to take because if you always play it safe and take the safe option you will miss out on a lot of things that you want to do. Even if things don't turn out in the end, the journey should be well worth the experience.

[meganpillow]

Except I'll be treated like a child as long as I'm financially dependent. I have to ask permission to do things, still.

I'm 20 as well, and I have to ask my family's permission to do a lot of things too. It's just a respect thing. I am in college as well, so I think we have a lot in common. What really made me smile was the fact that even though you love him so much, that you are willing to let him go and be happy. I do think that you should openly talk about the situation, and try to figure things out.
There is one thing that a women in college should know, and that is: you. come. first.
Love is fantastic, but you need to focus on graduating, and if this is causing you stress-- I'm afraid it will effect your grades. Do what you have to do in order to get done with school, don't try to revolve yourself around someone, I would hate it that you would regret it at the end (trust me, I see this ALL the time).

Take time to weigh the pros and cons. Think. Your answer will come to you as long as you think what's best for you.
Best of luck <3