Effective ways to handle conflict

[USA2Canada]

Do you and your SO have a way to handle conflict that works? We use to just avoid each other until we felt like talking and then it would just be another blow, and get ugly. But not anymore..

Thought this would be useful to share how to handle conflict and maybe it can make your own relationship conflicts a little easier from afar or near!

This is our way:

You just had this really bad disagreement...now what!

When you encounter conflict first take a little space to calm your emotions then recall these sentences and when you are ready share your feelings with your partner. Ask them to listen to your feelings before responding and then you do the same for them.

I felt angry when...
I was hurt that...
I am afraid that...
I am sorry for..
I understand that..
What i want is..
What I appreciate about you is..
After you both have listened to each other now is time for the agreement: if you need to take a space from each other to think over what the other person said.
Come back and now you answer this question
What Id like to agree to is..

This has helped us overcome many obstacles.. it may be of help to you later when something arises in your life with a partner or any relationship in your life. Of course its nice in life to not even have these conflicts, but they arise from time to time and it's best to kick the ugly to the curb so it doesnt get bad or grow resentment.

[stacyrose]

I think this is wonderful. Me and my SO have had some disagreements and arguements lately and for a bit there we just hit a rut where we were just sad or mad at each other. This is something I will definitely use in the future =]

[Puramu]

Yeah, we do something like this. We usually take some time apart then try to talk things out. Try to compromise and make sure it won't happen again in the future. And then things slowly return to normal. It may take a few hours but meh, it works ^_^

[BoogleBee]

I think this is a really good idea. Me and my SO don't fight as such but we have what we call "tensions" which yeah basically like disagreements and it gets us both upset. So will try use this in future if I need to!

[sam]

Me and Elina never really argue O_o Or fight or.. anything *shrug*

We sometimes get these weird moments, but they're usually because we dont talk for say 10 minutes on msn and we're just like "soooooooo, yeah.." haha

I do kinda keep expecting us to argue about something sometime, but after a year, we've never really had a big disagreement/argument as of yet

[USA2Canada]

Me and Elina never really argue O_o Or fight or.. anything *shrug*

We sometimes get these weird moments, but they're usually because we dont talk for say 10 minutes on msn and we're just like "soooooooo, yeah.." haha

I do kinda keep expecting us to argue about something sometime, but after a year, we've never really had a big disagreement/argument as of yet

Wow thats great Sam! We hardly ever argue too it was in the early stages..but any kinda tiff we do have is very very odd and rare. But when we do its funny cause we have a understanding of using the conflict questions (they were given to me by a friend who is a counselor who worked with a lot of relationships included LDR and marriages who are apart- she also gave me a book) and it has become natural for us to really come to a agreement with them.

[Swederica]

Heh when Katelyn and i come into disagreements i'm usually the one acting weird. Like i purposely don't answer her IMs or try to show i'm mad in every way i can.
I can't really control it either. Like i sit there and want to tell her something happy that happened that day but i can't make myself to write a smiley. She notices that after a while and it breaks my heart completely.
I try to work on it as good as i can. But yeah it's weird.

[USA2Canada]

Heh when Katelyn and i come into disagreements i'm usually the one acting weird. Like i purposely don't answer her IMs or try to show i'm mad in every way i can.
I can't really control it either. Like i sit there and want to tell her something happy that happened that day but i can't make myself to write a smiley. She notices that after a while and it breaks my heart completely.
I try to work on it as good as i can. But yeah it's weird.

My guy has done that one, but I told him it was silent treatment abuse and he quit it, it was really hurting me though so he had to stop. It worked though he didn't want to be abusing me heh.