Advice?

[Newbie]

The thread description said I can get some support, so hopefully I can get help here and that I’m doing this right! LOL

Um, so I’ve been with my…partner, for going on six months and I’ve recently (within the past two weeks) tried to take our relationship further, before this we would just talk. Anyway, last week was our first date and it was really fun, but we tried to set up another one but she basically cancelled on me because she forgot about the fact that she had made plans with her friends. Well, we’re young and she’s going to college three hours from home in August so I told her it was fine because I want her to spend time with them before she leaves. Then she tried to reschedule for today (7/14) but then her cousin’s flight got moved and I told her again that she should spend time with them before they leave.

I feel like crying over this but I feel stupid at the same time. This is my first relationship and I want to make her happy but I’m realizing that it’s at my own expense. I don’t want to break it off either because I couldn’t do that over something like this. I haven’t talked to her about this and when I got even close to it, she…had an A.D.D. moment.

But I would greatly appreciate it if you guys could help me in anyway possible.

[agentholli]

I guess Im not sure what's going on. Are you guys in a close distance relationship now? And are you asking if maybe she is just blowing you off? and you want some advice on how to tell the difference?

[Bluestars]

Since your profile says you live 2000 miles away and have never met, I am assuming you are LDR now.

I have been in your position of planning dates and having them canceled at the last minute, so I understand how you may feel really frustrated! I am a total planner, so at one point I was trying to plan a date once a week. When my SO said he couldn't do one of them, I got upset, but I let it slide. The next time though, I freaked out and got so mad! I realized that I handled it horribly looking back, and I apologized. Basically, you need to find the reason why she canceled in the first place (which you seem to know already), and then you need to talk about it and see if you can find a compromise.

In my case, my SO works a ton, and sometimes he would be too tired for dates when the day arrived. Because he is always busy, I am also more understanding than I used to be when he wants to hang out with friends. You should be understanding when things come up, but if it happens too often, you really need to have a talk with your SO. I told my SO that if we set a date, I need him to keep his word because it makes me really upset if he doesn't. I told him that dates from a distance are just as important as dates in real life, which are not acceptable to cancel either, and he finally got the point. We compromised and decided if one of us does have to cancel a date, then we must set another date in the future to make it up. But like I said, it does not happen all of the time now. Also, you need to take the other person's schedule into consideration. With our schedule, sometimes finding a common time for a date every week is not realistic because of other commitments. We just sort of play it by ear now, which works out a lot better

As for your situation, I think both excuses are understandable on her part. I believe that if you make plans with someone, you should keep them, and if you accidentally make plans with someone else afterwords, you should tell them that you can't do it anymore because you already made plans that you forgot about. That is what your SO did. If she made plans with you first though, I think she was in the wrong.

As for her cousin, sometimes family commitments come first, but she could have promised to make it up.

[Zephii]

It's ok Just relax a bit. As you said, this is a new step for your relationship, so there'll be a few bumps before you both figure out how to make time for dates and synch your sheduals. It's doable though!
You both need to understand that this is just as real a commitment as in person, and put the effort in, and that too can be hard, especially for online LDRs who havn't met yet. (I'm a veteran lol, so I know what I'm crapping on about here).
Just be patient and try again. Possibly giving a little more notice for the dates, and maybe extra preperation too. This will remind you both and get you in the right mindset