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    #1

    First Meeting; How long should I stay?

    Me and my SO are getting prepared for our first meeting! Yay!

    There's just one question, though. How long should I stay? We kinda want to do three months, but the longer I'm there, the harder it is for me to come back here and get on my feet again.

    So, if I do one month, it's more expensive in plane tickets, and he's paying for all of it. I don't want to waste his money. I'll feel more comfortable this way, though, because if for some ungodly reason I don't like it, or something happens, etc I won't be stuck there forever.

    My only concern with three months is being able to get my jobs back here (if they'll let me go for a month! >.<) What do y'all think?
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    #2
    For a first meeting I wouldn't do something long, what happens if you don't get on like you do online? That would be my concern

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      #3
      It is, the thing is a roundtrip plane ticket for me to see him is $2,300 (without tax). We're about 9,000 miles apart, so yeah..

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        #4
        Originally we had 2 weeks planned for our first meeting, but decided to extend it to a month before meeting. I am so glad we did. I think a month was a good amount of time for a first (international) meeting, although I cried non-stop after he left and wished it had been longer. Tickets are outrageously expensive for us, too. I think three months may be a bit too long for a first meeting.

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          #5
          Three months is a long time for the first meeting. Could you guys maybe meet in the middle? In Europe somewhere?

          A first meeting should be fun and lighthearted. If you basically MOVE there for your first visit, it adds so much extra stress. Think money, you can't work in the USA during those 3 months. Think friends and family, you won't have any there and will miss them. Think transport, I highly doubt Kansas has good public transport. Think what will you do, just sit around all day? Where are you going to live? How are you going to contribute to the household? Does he expect you to clean while he's at work? Do you like to eat the same things? How would you feel if he has lots of friends and goes out with them all the time and you have no one?

          Too much stress. Go on a 2 week visit. Have fun. Learn about each other. Then plan a longer visit.

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            #6
            It is a difficult decision to make considering the plane tickets are so expensive, but I certainly wouldn't be staying longer than a month. Where will you be staying once your there? This is your first meeting so you should feel comfortable and if for some reason you don't the you need to have a back up plan.....




            Started Writing - February 2010
            First Visit - September 2010
            Second Visit - June 2011
            Third Visit & His Release Date - February 2012
            Our Wedding Day - April 2012
            Submitted I-130 Visa Application - July 2012
            NOA1 - July 2012
            NOA2 - December 2012
            Fourth Visit - December 2012
            Closing The Distance - Watch this space

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              #7
              Yeahh... I ended up seeing my SO for 3 1/2 weeks for the first time, because I won't see him again for a year and it's the most time I could possibly take off that fit into the small window of time that we both had off from school and that I could reasonably miss in the lab. I think three months would have been much too long, only because we both have commitments to school and work that would absolutely suffer if we didn't go back. For you, since you're worried about your jobs, you might just ask them how long they'd be willing to let you go and still hire you back. It's probably much shorter than you'd hope, but maybe in the vicinity of 2 weeks, which is fine.
              Canadian permanent residence APPROVED!
              Closed the Distance: 09/26/2019
              Engaged: 09/26/2020

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                #8
                We did a month for our first meeting. It was long enough to justify the expense, but short enough that if anything went wrong, I wouldn't be stranded for too long, and work opportunities wouldn't be squandered. Have you played around with dates? Maybe a three week visit or a visit just shy of a month would be more cost effective?

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                  #9
                  You can stay a month with him, just to play it safe. It's long enough to get to know a person under a short amount of time anyway.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by lucybelle View Post
                    Three months is a long time for the first meeting. Could you guys maybe meet in the middle? In Europe somewhere?

                    A first meeting should be fun and lighthearted. If you basically MOVE there for your first visit, it adds so much extra stress. Think money, you can't work in the USA during those 3 months. Think friends and family, you won't have any there and will miss them. Think transport, I highly doubt Kansas has good public transport. Think what will you do, just sit around all day? Where are you going to live? How are you going to contribute to the household? Does he expect you to clean while he's at work? Do you like to eat the same things? How would you feel if he has lots of friends and goes out with them all the time and you have no one?

                    Too much stress. Go on a 2 week visit. Have fun. Learn about each other. Then plan a longer visit.
                    I think that she is going from Kansas to Melbourne? And a mutual European trip will inflate the cost of the trip exponentially (I would know ). If your SO is paying for your plane ticket, don't even try and think about meeting on middle ground. Australia is too isolated and there isn't any middle ground between Australia and the USA.

                    I would do a month long trip. My first visit with my GF was 23 days long, and it felt good. If he has the money, you could find some cheap tickets to New Zealand and spend a week or so there.

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                      #11
                      10 days for me, that was enough for a first visit plan. Just in case we ended up not liking each other, I didn't want to be stuck in a foreign country where I didn't know the language, or understand the public transportation system. While I was pretty positive we'd be fine, I wanted to be sure I had enough money for a hotel if I needed one. Of course everything was fine, better than fine, but it's always good to have a contingency plan. For me, I'd keep the first visit somewhat short, then have long visits after that.
                      Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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                        #12
                        My SO and I did 3 months for our first meet. I wouldn't recommend it for everyone, but it worked really well for us because neither of us had commitments and we had enough money to sustain ourselves during that time. A month would probably be your best bet

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                          #13
                          We did two months our first visit, meeting for the first time, and it wasn't long enough lol. But you have to be careful, it may or may not go so great. And his first visit he didn't stay with me at my house, he had a hotel (Family still was unsure) So if things didn't work out he had somewhere he could stay. No one can tell you weather or not things wil be great or not, if they are your going to want to spend as much time and stay as long as possible. But there are always those what if's, and not saying yours wont, but if the relationship changes, or the chemistry isn't there or things just dont work out you dont want to be stuck there. Sorry im sure im just repeating whats been said. Best of luck hope you have an amazing time!
                          I love you Nathan <3
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                          5/25/09 <3

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                            #14
                            I'd say no longer than 3 weeks, try playing around with dates and checking multiple airline sites to be sure you're getting the best price.

                            Notes:
                            Met: 8.17.09
                            Started Dating: 8.20.09
                            First Met: 10.2.10
                            Closed the Distance: 8.9.14

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                              #15
                              I did 2 weeks the first visit. Any longer made me nervous because I wasn't sure how we'd get alone in person.

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