LDR Cycles

[dougiefru]

Hey, so I feel like every time I post on here it is asking for advice or something. And to let some of you guys into my head and personality that's just who I am. I don't put myself out there unless I feel like I can get some help or therapy by putting it out there.

Anyway, have you guys ever had cycles where for a week or two you feel more in love than ever with your SO and then the next week or two you feel like you are falling out of love? It's been happening to me recently and to be honest when I don't feel as in love with her I feel guilty that I don't, because while she has emotional problems, it's not with the relationship at all, it is about her wanting to come home or not. I don't know if I'm explaining myself clearly, but I think the big thing is is that she isn't here with me and I'm a person who loves to physically show her that I love her by doing things for her whether it be something small or an elaborate date. Anyway, my question is do any of you guys go through these cycles? Any input is mucho appreciado.

[LittleVari]

Normal. Once you get out of that honeymoon period of all googoo eyes, all the time, you start to see your SO as a little less perfect, a little more human. You can also take the relationship for granted, take for granted that she's with you and loves you no matter what, so you stop putting effort in and stop feeling head-over-heels. Watch out for that, many relationships end because people stop putting in the effort (my last one before my current SO did).

Sometimes your partner might annoy you and that lovey-dovey feeling fades. As long as you aren't feeling resentment or anger when they annoy you, that's normal. Sometimes they surprise you and you fall in love all over again. Those are fantastic moments.

Make sure you aren't taking her or the relationship for granted and make sure there isn't an underlying reason for your feelings fading. Otherwise, it's normal for love to fluctuate.

[ushiwakafox]

I can't say that I necessarily used to fall in and out of love with my SO per se, however I did used to go through periods of...stale romance, is the best I can put it. In LDRs, it's very easy and common to just get bored with the typical. I'd say try something new, because the fact that you are looking for advice tells me you love her
Go through the list of things to do on this website if you haven't already. Maybe try a skype sleepover. I haven't been able to try that, but it's getting popular here on LFAD.
Many relationships go through these cycles within their first year. I've heard it called the honeymoon phase, simply meaning that as the relationship goes on, the excitement of getting to know each other and learn things about them becomes less and less as you have less to learn about them. It happens to everyone, it's just about finding something to freshen things up. And more than anything else, don't freak out about it. The more you think about it, the more you'll psych yourself out.
As far as being able to take her out, there are many ways where even though you can't physically take her out, but you can fund an outing for her on your behalf. That's without saying assuming you have the funding to be able to do that. When my SO leaves next month, he plans on sending me gift cards to our favorite fast food place. It's a little something special that keeps the romance fresh. Plus I just found out that you can order a cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory on their website. I don't details about that, but do some research. Think of things/food that she likes, you'll find something.
I hope I was of some help to you.

[efish1042]

Honestly, I think that's normal for all relationships, not just LDRs. But yes, rest assured, it is normal. My cycles are far as that goes are more like a few months at a time rather than a week. Also, other things contribute to that. Make sure you're both in a good state of mind as much as possible, and it will likely happen less, or at least less severely.

[Decrepit]

Yeah I can relate as well,
I'm different in the sense that I'll feel completely in love with her for weeks on end then for a day or two, I feel like Im falling out
So yes, its normal and its just that much more in a LDR

[aomnomnom]

yes, my resentment period would last only a few hours though because I love him too much lol

[jleec24]

I wouldn't really say that you are falling in and out of love with her each time. I think it's just you just take note when you feel the romanticism and the love as opposed to when things are just normal. It's normal in every relationship. When my SO and I have gotten into big arguments, there has been a point when she said she didn't think she loved me anymore but after a while she calmed down and realized she was being silly. Same goes with me, I've had times when she's done something that I am largely intolerant to and I was so meh by her but she came home and reminded why we are together and that we are in love.

More than anything, I think it's just that you can't always feel so much of one thing all the time. Just like you can't always be happy or sad, you can't always feel like you're madly in love. After the honeymoon stage things calm down and become a lot more normal and a little bit more serious but you can't take that as a indication of you don't love each other. My best suggestion is to remove the mindset that you are out of love with her and notice it as just normal every day life and when you do feel the surge of romanticism and love, have fun and do something to show her this.

[blackframez]

dougiefru, I can totally relate. I believe my LDR boyfriend to be pretty much the perfect person for me, and we don't really ever fight or hurt each other, but yeah once in a while (not every day obviously,) I get this pit-of-my-stomach "maybe I should break up with him" feeling. Honestly, it's often late at night when it's easy to become overwhelmed with emotions. I am like you, I get a lot out of physically being near the person I love, that I can't seem to get over just texts or Skype. =\ I also thought we'd be together irl by now and it's a subject either I bring up or it doesn't get discussed. Then the next day after spending a late night thinking about breaking up I remember how much I love him, and how perfect he is, and I just feel crazy guilty about it. Basically I guess I just enjoy putting myself on an emotional roller coaster? Ha! Sorry, not much advice from me but... just know you're not alone.

[Verojoon]

I think the fact that it cycles is a good thing. In my relationship with my ex-husband, after the honeymoon stage we just kinda coasted... We didn't feel the sparks anymore or even feel like kissing each other... and it never came back (I was with him for over a decade!) I loved him a friend, and everyone kept saying the honeymoon period goes away, so I assumed it was normal...

In my current relationship, we cycle... I never fall out of love with him... but we get these periods where we are just happy and comfortable and we've fallen in a routine of sorts... and then out of nowhere one of us will wake up just feeling like we've fallen in love all over again, and will trigger the other and then we go through one of those crazy romantic phases like I've never known before.... then after a while we just get content and happy and comfortable until we get another "phase"... Of course it's not all roses and unicorns and rainbows and sometimes we have real problems... but those don't really fit into the phases as of such... just separate incidents...

[Mims27]

I didn't want to start a new thread so I picked this one...
I guess it's safe to say that our relationship is going through a "phase". We aren't flirting that much, if at all, lately. It's been over a month, if not more than that. And for us that's really different/strange. We've been a really flirty couple since day one...and I know it probably a phase, cause we both have personal stuff to deal with and things have been a little stressful but I can't help but worry a bit. I'm trying not to let it consume me and I'm telling myself it'll pass. I've been dealing with some pretty serious self esteem issues lately so I'm sure that's a big factor. But it also triggers my low self esteem, cause then I overthink it and worry that it's me. We love each other like crazy and we are definetly attracted to each other...I guess I'm looking for a little reassurance that this is is normal. This is my first real relationship and the first time we go through this.

[snow]

Don't worry Mims, it's normal and happens in a lot of relationships, if not in all!
I remember there was a time when we stopped flirting for about a month last year around the holidays and like you, we two have been flirting with each other since day one, so I was really worried it was going to affect the relationship, but it really was just stress on both sides and we didn't have that much time for it. Once the stress with all the holidays was over we were doing great again!

[jessandeddie21]

So glad I found this thread! I've felt like this before too and it worried me because I'd almost feel guilty when we go through a phase where we are more of just friends than anything flirty or romantic. Then all of a sudden we will start writing letters again and getting those butterflies like we had in the beginning of the relationship. During those periods when flirting seemed to lessen I would get nervous if we should even be together, but I'm happy to know it's normal for LDRs and all relationships!

[kikidee]

This is a very good thread because I know a lot of people feel this way at some point. I think you just have to remind yourself why you are in love with them. Love can't be constantly exciting.

I think a quote i use a lot is good for this thread. "There is no such thing as a perfect love, it only has perfect moments."

[Safihre]

dougiefru, I can totally relate. I believe my LDR boyfriend to be pretty much the perfect person for me, and we don't really ever fight or hurt each other, but yeah once in a while (not every day obviously,) I get this pit-of-my-stomach "maybe I should break up with him" feeling. Honestly, it's often late at night when it's easy to become overwhelmed with emotions. I am like you, I get a lot out of physically being near the person I love, that I can't seem to get over just texts or Skype. =\ I also thought we'd be together irl by now and it's a subject either I bring up or it doesn't get discussed. Then the next day after spending a late night thinking about breaking up I remember how much I love him, and how perfect he is, and I just feel crazy guilty about it. Basically I guess I just enjoy putting myself on an emotional roller coaster? Ha! Sorry, not much advice from me but... just know you're not alone.

This, all of this!

So glad I found this thread! I've felt like this before too and it worried me because I'd almost feel guilty when we go through a phase where we are more of just friends than anything flirty or romantic. Then all of a sudden we will start writing letters again and getting those butterflies like we had in the beginning of the relationship. During those periods when flirting seemed to lessen I would get nervous if we should even be together, but I'm happy to know it's normal for LDRs and all relationships!

And this! Every thread on here seems to emphasize to believe in it and work for it, sometimes it makes me feel like I'm not doing enough when in a moment of doubts..

[Mims27]

Don't worry Mims, it's normal and happens in a lot of relationships, if not in all!
I remember there was a time when we stopped flirting for about a month last year around the holidays and like you, we two have been flirting with each other since day one, so I was really worried it was going to affect the relationship, but it really was just stress on both sides and we didn't have that much time for it. Once the stress with all the holidays was over we were doing great again!

Thanks Snow! I knew it in the back of my mind but reading it is reassuring!
I'm sure its definitely stress and just being busy. I'm gonna try not to over think it and see how it goes.