my SO used to be sweet but he changed and now doesn't show affection anymore.

[kshankle]

Hi everyone,

I've been with my SO for just over 3 years and when we first met and started dating he was perfect, he was sweet, he called me beautiful all the time and told me he loves me everyday. Along with a few other things, this is one of the biggest reasons for me falling in love with him, he made me feel important and loved. Lately, he's been trying to change himself. He says he's trying to change for "the best" but I do not agree. This whole changing thing began when he began hanging with these older, single, mechanic friends that he has now since he's now into cars. Now he doesn't show affection anymore, he's been kinda mean lately and he just started not caring about the things he used to care about. He was this pure and creative guy that was sweet and sensitive and now, he's basically just like any other guy now. I feel unimportant and I don't feel loved anymore like I used to. It seems like now he just feels like being affectionate is immature or something. I even tried talking to him about it last night because I don't want to lose him. But all he had to say was "this is me now, and you should just let it go." I don't want to leave him and I don't ever want to break up with him because honestly, I love him. I've sacrificed so much for our relationship and we share everything together, but it's scaring me that he's not willing listen to me. I'm happy he's finally doing things for himself but I'm scared these changes he's making is gonna end up changing his heart.

Help?

[efish1042]

I came to this thread thinking my reply would be along the lines of "It happens to everyone. Just wait it out." But this seems different.
I would say "talk to him,' but from what he has to say...
My older brother is what my mother likes to call a "sponge". He becomes who he hangs out with and he hangs out with different people at random intervals. He's gone from being "omg this is the best thing!" about soccer, skateboarding, surfing, paint balling, you name it... to "that sucks. It's gay" in 2.7 seconds or 2.7 years. Bottom line, my brother doesn't know who he is and, for him, it makes him a very mean person.
A relationship doesn't need the flowery stuff to survive, but lord knows it's nice and it makes everyone feel better... but it doesn't sound like he's taking into consideration your feelings at all. Especially if his response to your concern is essentially "get over it."
Maybe this is a phase and he will recover or move on soon. Maybe it isn't. In either case, be wary.
In the end, it all comes down to you and whether or not you're happier in this relationship than you might be away from it. Best of luck.

[kshankle]

thanks, we seem to be doing alright but only because we simply don't let things bring us down....but in most cases that doesn't mean that the problems in our past are resolved. He says he felt bad when I talked to him about everything he does and he actually said he would try to change the way he treats me. But he's so dramatic sometimes to where when he's stressed I don't know what's going through his head. I mean he told me that he hates the way he treated me but he started to feel panicked when he realized that he can't please everyone and himself at the same time. In the end, it made me feel like I have a choice to either just let him do what's best for himself even if it means letting him take is focus off of our relationship, or just end up splitting up if I can't get over this lost feeling I have....of course based on our past problems like these, i'll probably end up sticking with him and helping him though whatever he's having problems with.

[Black_Halloween]

I say try to wait it out a tiny bit more since you've already spoken about it to each other but if he won't change then you need to think about what's best for -you-. Feeling unimportant in a relationship isn't a good thing and you deserve to be treated better.

[digitalfever]

Sounds like he's got himself a bromance. He'll most likely realise he's allowed his new hobbie to affect his behaviour and learn how to differentiate what's accepted in either social arena!

[Carenza LaRue]

hate to say it.... but I wouldn't want to be in this kind of relationship..

if he doesn't put you first now.... he will never put you first
and that will drain the living spirit out of you in the long run..