Anyone had this happen?

[NikkiDeAnn75]

Before I met my SO I had profiles on numerous dating sites. Maybe it is an embarassing thing, or maybe not. Anyway, I was on enough sites that I didn't remember all of them, and deactivated the ones I used frequently just as soon as I started talking to my boyfriend. A couple of days ago I received an email saying I had quite a few messages on a dating site. I told my SO about it and then deactivated the account. Now he thinks I have been active on the account and talking to other men. I never talked to other men after I met him. I'm afraid I have destroyed his trust in me and LD requires enormous amounts of trust. Anyone else ever had this happen or any advice?

[MissButterfly]

You said it already, a LDR is based on enormous amounts of trust. That is also the only way you can solve this issue, he has to trust you if you say that it is not true. Personally, if I read your story like this (assuming this is really how it went) I would not even doubt that it's the truth. If you used a lot of sites, it's not that strange that you may have forgotten some of them. I have the exact same thing with babysitting sites. When I was looking for an address, I created a profile on tons of them and never came back to most.
Anyway, just talk to him about it. I don't think this is that big of an issue, considering that you had already deactivated your account on the sites that you frequently used. Just explain the full story to him and that's all you can do. If he trusts you, he will just have to take your word for it! So yeah, the other big word for LDR's is COMMUNICATION So good luck! I'm sure it will be fine in the end.

[LittleVari]

You were up front and honest with him and deactivated your account. I'm not sure what else he could expect from you. From where I'm sitting, you did everything right and he's the one who has to work on trusting you. If you're telling the truth and he's decided not to believe you, the issue is his.

I'd have a talk with him about trust, but take care not to blame yourself over this. Don't let his lack of trust make you feel like you've done something wrong. Ask what he needs from you to feel more secure, and then decided if you're willing to do what he asks. For trust to work, you both must behave in trust-worthy ways (by being honest and upfront), and you both must be willing to just trust. I get he might feel a bit insecure over your webdating, but that was previous to dating him, and if you've not given him a reason not to trust you, then he needs to work on respecting your trust-worthiness.

TEAL/DEAR: This is an issue he needs to resolve for himself. Talk to him about this, but don't accept blame as you didn't do anything wrong.

[Carenza LaRue]

it's all about communication!

and to stay true to yourself.... you know you didn't cheat on him..... show that to him by being yourself.
stay 'solid' .... don't know how to explain this in a better way. don't ever let him doubt you and don't give him reasons to doubt you. if he still keeps doubting about you, well then that's his problem.

that would be my advice.

I know where you're coming from... been through this myself with my SO in the beginning of the relationship. in the beginning I thought he was joking because I knew I didn't do anything wrong.... talking about 'talking to men' on FB now, in our specific situation.
he thought that 'talking to men' was equal to 'flirting with men' and in my view I was only friendly and nice. nothing ever happened, simply because I wasn't open for any flirtation at all with whomever and it took me a lot of communication to get it in his head that he needn't be worried.

told him that it's not the way I roll and that he should accept that or leave. he accepted and we are growing stronger by the day.
but this is our story and doesn't even look like yours.

my point is..... be weary of jealousy, mistrust and all kinds of negative feelings.... if you sense any.... with you or him..... talk about it and clear the way. I made the mistake of feeling I had to defend myself all the time... and it turned out that I attacked him even before he brought this issue up in a conversation. (I know his ways by now... the way he asks random questions let me know what he really thinks)
it turned into a he said- she said kind of thing and that was toxic.... thank heavens we both found out this wasn't the way to make a relationship work and we changed it.

hope it made sense...... pfew..... speaking English 'the heartfelt way' sure isn't easy... haha...

best of luck.....

[iHeartt]

I'll reply as another view.. This happened to me & my SO. We met on a dating site, we had profiles on other sites as well. I found out he still had a profile on one. Confronted him, he assured me he wasn't & hasn't spoken to/met another woman since we got together. I believed him. I trust him. A couple days later I was still uneasy, we talked about it again & I trust him. More now even then before. LDR's require a huge amount of trust. If something is bothering you, talk about it. My two cents, talk about it (but don't beat it into the ground!). Coming from his side, I know how much it hurts, but, you did tell him the truth. It's up to him to believe & trust you. Good luck to ya!

[Irina_Linn]

yeah it happened to me too,i registered on Badoo by mistake and then forgot about it and after my bf saw my mail he ws slightly annoyed.well i deactivated the account in front of him so he doesnt worry.you can also show him the time and day you were online last time so you have proof you aint lying