We're both 17, LDR over a year now, together nearly 4.
Completely out of the blue 2 days ago, I got a phone call from him basically saying that things have changed between us & he doesn't feel the same about me as he used to. He said it was not my fault at all, he just feels that he's changed as a person. He said he still cares for me, & that he just wanted tell me over the phone so it wasn't a shock when I visit him 4 days later this weekend. (Note- he HAS NOT broken up with me, he was just telling me how he felt so that we could talk about it this weekend without it being a shock to me).
I'm not in denial, I'm trying to accept that maybe it's over. But I'm not going down without a fight. I love him so much, I really will try anything to help him fall in love with me again. But I don't think that all hope is lost, which is where I need advice. I want to do this in such a way to give us the biggest chance of getting through this. There are a few things that make me question whether there is a big chance of turning this around so I'd like your thoughts.
The thing is, he was really crying on the phone & he never ever cries. He sounded terrible, he kept saying that he was so sorry & that he just wanted to hug me. I know potential break ups aren't easy, but he really sounded like he didn't truly want to say what he was saying. He sounded crushed. I just can't help but think that, okay maybe his feelings about me have changed, but he still loves me enough for this to work out, which is why he sounded so devastated.
Our last visit, he was really off with me (this was nearly 2 weeks ago) so I should've expected this in hindsight. But only 5 days before that I saw him & we were absolutely fine. I just don't understand what happened in that 5 day period for him to feel like this. Which leads me to question, is he confused & does he really mean this? When he talked to me on the phone, he kept not finishing his sentences & saying things like 'i don't know' & 'i don't know how I feel' & 'I'm confused'. I just feel like he doesn't fully understand how he feels, so maybe I should really try to save our relationship until he does understand. Could he be having a low point, stress etc?
He started the phone call with "things have changed between us over the past few weeks" so I can't understand how this has all come about based on his feelings over several weeks? He has said to me that he hopes it's a bump, which seems a more likely scenario as I can't see how he can contemplate ending an almost 4 year relationship based on his feelings in the last few weeks? Could we possibly just be at a low point & this really is a bump?
I've noticed for several months now we've been more comfortable with each other. It just feels like maybe he's lost that teenage honeymoon-type feeling with me, as we've essentially become like a married couple. Should we make more of an effort to regain this? Maybe he needs to feel this again to realise if he loves me? I can't help but think that he's mistaken a 'settled' feeling for falling out of love. Even I have questioned before whether I love him, but given it further thought I've always realised that I feel a deeper love for him & the teenage honeymoon type feeling comes & goes.
Being long distance, I feel that we should make more of an effort to call & skype (previously I've not used skype because I don't like being on camera). We've typically not texted/called much between visits because seeing each other every 2-3 weeks didn't put a huge strain on our relationship, but maybe now it's more important than ever. Maybe the lack of contact has caused him to feel this way. Also, we don't tend to do much romantic stuff because he's never been romantic, & when I try to be I feel like it's not something he enjoys & I don't like being the romantic one all the time, I want to be the one getting romanced. Should I make a point of trying to be more romantic & spontaneous?
Also, his job recently got more busy so he works most friday and saturday nights. This means that he can rarely come down to see me, & when I go up to see him we don't have many nights in & we spend almost as much of the weekend apart as we do together. Maybe this is stopping him from enjoying the weekends that he sees me? Maybe we are getting much less quality time due to this which could be making him feel this way?
Finally, and this isn't just me in denial, but I've noticed that more long-term relationships than I've previously go though low points that include break ups. 2 friends of ours experienced this, broke up for a few days but got back together & have been going 2 years strong now. Even Prince William & Kate Middleton broke up for a while & look at them now.
Basically, I feel like we have too much to lose & that we are strong enough to work this out. I'm trying to be optimistic, but I just want peoples opinions on the thoughts I've had as above. All the points I've mentioned have the potential improve, & believe me I will do anything in my power to sort them out. I have a good feeling that when I see him this weekend he'll agree to try & work this out, so I just want to know the best way to treat the situation to get the best outcome. I know he cares for me, & he's been ringing me since 'that' phonecall to see how I am, so it's not like he's just saying it's over, throwing me to the side & moving on.
P.S I asked him if there was someone else involved, & he said no. I believe him, so please don't go down the 'he's cheated' path.
Completely out of the blue 2 days ago, I got a phone call from him basically saying that things have changed between us & he doesn't feel the same about me as he used to. He said it was not my fault at all, he just feels that he's changed as a person. He said he still cares for me, & that he just wanted tell me over the phone so it wasn't a shock when I visit him 4 days later this weekend. (Note- he HAS NOT broken up with me, he was just telling me how he felt so that we could talk about it this weekend without it being a shock to me).
I'm not in denial, I'm trying to accept that maybe it's over. But I'm not going down without a fight. I love him so much, I really will try anything to help him fall in love with me again. But I don't think that all hope is lost, which is where I need advice. I want to do this in such a way to give us the biggest chance of getting through this. There are a few things that make me question whether there is a big chance of turning this around so I'd like your thoughts.
The thing is, he was really crying on the phone & he never ever cries. He sounded terrible, he kept saying that he was so sorry & that he just wanted to hug me. I know potential break ups aren't easy, but he really sounded like he didn't truly want to say what he was saying. He sounded crushed. I just can't help but think that, okay maybe his feelings about me have changed, but he still loves me enough for this to work out, which is why he sounded so devastated.
Our last visit, he was really off with me (this was nearly 2 weeks ago) so I should've expected this in hindsight. But only 5 days before that I saw him & we were absolutely fine. I just don't understand what happened in that 5 day period for him to feel like this. Which leads me to question, is he confused & does he really mean this? When he talked to me on the phone, he kept not finishing his sentences & saying things like 'i don't know' & 'i don't know how I feel' & 'I'm confused'. I just feel like he doesn't fully understand how he feels, so maybe I should really try to save our relationship until he does understand. Could he be having a low point, stress etc?
He started the phone call with "things have changed between us over the past few weeks" so I can't understand how this has all come about based on his feelings over several weeks? He has said to me that he hopes it's a bump, which seems a more likely scenario as I can't see how he can contemplate ending an almost 4 year relationship based on his feelings in the last few weeks? Could we possibly just be at a low point & this really is a bump?
I've noticed for several months now we've been more comfortable with each other. It just feels like maybe he's lost that teenage honeymoon-type feeling with me, as we've essentially become like a married couple. Should we make more of an effort to regain this? Maybe he needs to feel this again to realise if he loves me? I can't help but think that he's mistaken a 'settled' feeling for falling out of love. Even I have questioned before whether I love him, but given it further thought I've always realised that I feel a deeper love for him & the teenage honeymoon type feeling comes & goes.
Being long distance, I feel that we should make more of an effort to call & skype (previously I've not used skype because I don't like being on camera). We've typically not texted/called much between visits because seeing each other every 2-3 weeks didn't put a huge strain on our relationship, but maybe now it's more important than ever. Maybe the lack of contact has caused him to feel this way. Also, we don't tend to do much romantic stuff because he's never been romantic, & when I try to be I feel like it's not something he enjoys & I don't like being the romantic one all the time, I want to be the one getting romanced. Should I make a point of trying to be more romantic & spontaneous?
Also, his job recently got more busy so he works most friday and saturday nights. This means that he can rarely come down to see me, & when I go up to see him we don't have many nights in & we spend almost as much of the weekend apart as we do together. Maybe this is stopping him from enjoying the weekends that he sees me? Maybe we are getting much less quality time due to this which could be making him feel this way?
Finally, and this isn't just me in denial, but I've noticed that more long-term relationships than I've previously go though low points that include break ups. 2 friends of ours experienced this, broke up for a few days but got back together & have been going 2 years strong now. Even Prince William & Kate Middleton broke up for a while & look at them now.
Basically, I feel like we have too much to lose & that we are strong enough to work this out. I'm trying to be optimistic, but I just want peoples opinions on the thoughts I've had as above. All the points I've mentioned have the potential improve, & believe me I will do anything in my power to sort them out. I have a good feeling that when I see him this weekend he'll agree to try & work this out, so I just want to know the best way to treat the situation to get the best outcome. I know he cares for me, & he's been ringing me since 'that' phonecall to see how I am, so it's not like he's just saying it's over, throwing me to the side & moving on.
P.S I asked him if there was someone else involved, & he said no. I believe him, so please don't go down the 'he's cheated' path.
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