In a tough situation. Need input

[Sark]

This is my first time posting. Figured it was time to get some input. I am confused and streesed out but love my man. Please dont judge my choice I have made I just want some input.

I am in my mid thirties and so is my SO. Met him four months ago while on vacation. We fell in love and started dating. We live five hours apart. We love eachother very much and want to be together. There are just a few obstacles that we dont know how to overcome. Here is a big one please dont judge...he is an illegal immigrant so him relocating is a big obstacle due to variouse issues. He is working on being legal but it will take years. So him moving to me is a huge risk for him right now.

As for me relocating I just moved back to my home town two years ago after my second husband died. I took my two kids then ages 12 and 13 from there hometown so we could be closer to family because it was a difficult time for us. My husbands death was unexpected. There biological father moved to my home state so he could be closer to kids. The history between my kids dad and I is not good never has been. He has never supported the kids and is not capable for caring for them. Myself and family think he moved to us thinking i would take him back after my husband died.

Me relocating is not easy as well because of the kids. They have had to adjust already once. There biological father will also give me a hard time moving them again. So I kinda feel stuck right now. My SO is too and I can tell it is depressing him and me as well. It took a while for me to move forward and open myself up to someome again after my husbands death. I met a few before my SO but it was not good. I am sad that I met someone who is good and makes me happy but we have these obstacles in the way. I really dont know what to do.

Anyone have any thoughts...

[Black_Halloween]

Your children should always come before your SO. I think you should wait until he has legal status before moving anywhere.

[Moon]

I think all you can do is wait and see if he manages to get legal status, there's not much else you can do, unfortunately. When there are kids involved LDR's are more difficult, so you need to ask yourself if he's worth waiting for, or not. Good luck.

[Sark]

I agree that waiting is good. He is very worth it. I just fear he is going to give up. He feels really bad about it and it depresses him alot. I tell him I am not going any where but I dont think he believes me sometimes.

[MadMolly]

I think it's far too early to be considering a move to a guy you've only known for four months when you have kids involved. Unless it's an area your children and you would be happy living in even if he didn't exist in your life, then really you have to stay put for their sake.

So he'd probably have to move. Therefore, you need to ask yourself how likely is it he's going to get legal residency? And if he's not willing to wait for too long, then that's perfectly reasonable but awfully sad, I know... not everyone is cut out for a LDR, no matter how much you love the other person. You just have to accept it, heartbreaking as it is.

[sewbama]

Just wait and see how things go. I know it's terribly difficult not knowing. But five hours is not so bad. Try to reassure him you're committed, and with frequent visits and watching how things unfold, it will be alright. Try not to worry about how long the distance will last. Wait until it's right, then go for it.

[Riyko]

I agree with everyone who says your kids need to come before your SO as they should be the most important in your life. Second thing is you need to think about your relationship and if it's worth being with someone who may never be able to become legal. Lastly and realistically he should consider going back to his country to go about becoming legal the right way (it's better for him to do it that way then getting caught and never being allowed to return).