Yesterday he kissed me..

[NeverToFarApartx3]

Alright.. I've never liked a guy so much.. his name is Elijah. Yesterday we were hanging out, and he had my legs between his, i was sitting and he was standing, he kept touching my nose with his nose and lips, finally his lips touched mine, and we kissed, more then once.. I thought he was just flirting when he was touching my legs, but I guess he liked me, hima nd I are just going to stay friend for now, we're both not ready for a real relationship.. I was still with my girlfriend when that happened.. I broke up with her last night.. she started talking about killing herself and asking who it was that I was leaving her for, I couldn't tell her.. her ex broke up with her for a guy too.. I didn't expect this to happen, but I talked to my mom and my cousin, they both said "who's going to REALLY be here for you?" I thought for hours about it.. I still feel like shit.. but I really like this guy.. am I a bad person? He gives me butterflies and makes me happy..

[alittlemind]

Honestly I do not like classifying people in "good" or "bad" categories. I'm one of those people who can see the good and the bad in each person, I will give second chances and sometimes even a third if I feel like it would be a benefit to whoever is involved. But I'm not going to say you're a "good" person for doing this, because obviously you did something wrong. I'm not going to say you are necessarily a "bad" person, because everyone makes mistakes and there are far worse people in the world. I've been reading your posts about you and your girlfriend for a while, but have never responded. I think, at this point, you've exhausted this relationship, if you know what I mean. I just don't think it was working and after you kissed this guy and then broke up with your girlfriend, I think right now the best decision would be to let it go. I think it was a fair decision to break up with your girlfriend after this happened. It would not have been fair to let her go on believing that you loved her with all your heart.

[Romeo s Juliet]

its actually not what we think if you are a bad person or not. in my opinion its wrong that you kissed him while you were still in a relationship. its wrong, but it dont necessarily make you a bad person. in life we have to choose. you cant have what you desperately want to have. if you want to proceed with this guy, then you need to make sure if he is really going to be worth it.
i hope you make the right desicion that is best for you
good luck!

[NeverToFarApartx3]

its actually not what we think if you are a bad person or not. in my opinion its wrong that you kissed him while you were still in a relationship. its wrong, but it dont necessarily make you a bad person. in life we have to choose. you cant have what you desperately want to have. if you want to proceed with this guy, then you need to make sure if he is really going to be worth it.
i hope you make the right desicion that is best for you
good luck!

I know it's wrong.. I haven't told her neither.. I'm scared to.. I didn't know it was going to happen.. he kind of surprised me.. i feel like crap :'(

[MadMolly]

You broke up with her. You don't need to tell her. You did the right thing in my opinion. See where it goes with this guy, and I'm sorry about your ex girlfriend but these things happen in life. She'll survive.

[redapple]

Maybe it's personal preference but if I was her I really wouldn't want to know. I don't think anything good can come from her knowing.

[eveningsky]

I think things are probably working out for the best. Your ex girlfriend didn't treat you very well to begin with. Yes, she was improving but I wouldn't be surprised if she would had gone back to her old ways (that's based on my personal experience in relationships so far). Not telling her is probably the kindest thing you can do for her. I admit I did a similar thing once. I was in a relationship with my ex who was really controlling. I meant to break up with him but he was so controlling that he kind of manipulated me into feeling to bad for him (he tried to do this when I actually finally broke up with him too). I kissed someone else and I decided to end it and not tell him (because his past relationships had ended due to the woman cheating on him). I think I did the right thing and I think you did too...yeah maybe the cheating part wasn't right but at least you ended it. She doesn't have to know. It will only hurt her.
As far as you and the guy go, only time will tell. I wouldn't rush straight into another relationship but see how he treats you first. That's just what I think though.

[NeverToFarApartx3]

I think things are probably working out for the best. Your ex girlfriend didn't treat you very well to begin with. Yes, she was improving but I wouldn't be surprised if she would had gone back to her old ways (that's based on my personal experience in relationships so far). Not telling her is probably the kindest thing you can do for her. I admit I did a similar thing once. I was in a relationship with my ex who was really controlling. I meant to break up with him but he was so controlling that he kind of manipulated me into feeling to bad for him (he tried to do this when I actually finally broke up with him too). I kissed someone else and I decided to end it and not tell him (because his past relationships had ended due to the woman cheating on him). I think I did the right thing and I think you did too...yeah maybe the cheating part wasn't right but at least you ended it. She doesn't have to know. It will only hurt her.
As far as you and the guy go, only time will tell. I wouldn't rush straight into another relationship but see how he treats you first. That's just what I think though.

That's what we're doing, he wants to be friends for a little and see how things go, because neither of us are ready for another relationship at the moment. He's really sweet :], the only downside is, he's in a gang. I always got told not to mess with guys from gangs, but he's not a jerk like most of them are..

[ThePiedPiper]

That's what we're doing, he wants to be friends for a little and see how things go, because neither of us are ready for another relationship at the moment. He's really sweet :], the only downside is, he's in a gang. I always got told not to mess with guys from gangs, but he's not a jerk like most of them are..

I think you need to take some time to be single, without flirting around, and work on your self-esteem and on building your life, independently of others, in general. There's typically a reason people choose shitty partners and while it's never the treatment that's the victim's fault, oftentimes, the victims of abuse can do something to prevent it from happening in the future and to change the types of people they attract entirely. It's something to think about. While he may not be a jerk, the fact that he's in a gang (and that he kissed you knowing you were taken, assuming he did) does speak volumes about his own health and well being, and there's probably some work he needs to be doing to avoid falling into such bad circumstances that are, quite frankly, dangerous to him and any future partner he has. Assuming you mean gang, as in legitimate gang, my guess would be he's as much bad news as she was, even if it's only so much as you'll get dragged in to what he's doing. There's a lot of risk associated with gangs and at-risk youth and my guess would be you'll fall right into that and are too vulnerable to get yourself out. I think you need to take some time to be single and actually grow from your last relationship before entering another, even if you're both being "friends first."

No, I don't think your girlfriend needs to be told and yes, you did the right thing in breaking up with her.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I agree with ThePiedPiper.

I want to clarify though that being 'single' means not relying on another person for your self esteem or emotional wellbeing. Regardless of what you and this guy say you are, it's likely that tripping out of one bad relationship will lead you stumbling into another one. And although people often say "Oh, I'm single", deep down, realistically what is happening is that they're 'involved' with someone. I think you need to watch out for that. Make sure you know what you want independently of your relationship with your ex and your new romance. I think this is worth emphasising to you because from your posts, it sounds like you emotionally invest a lot, and it's so so easy to slip into the habit of relying on other people to make us feel good about ourselves, rather than seek ways to do it for ourselves.

I also agree that telling your ex about the kiss is only going to rub salt in the wound. For her sake, cut ties. Don't leave all the painful bits hanging out. You've broken up and got back together a couple of times, so chances are, she's going to expect a repeat of that behaviour. Make sure that now that you've done it, you know you've made a final decision, so you can both move on from that relationship and those behaviours.

[NeverToFarApartx3]

It doesn't matter, he was being real. He's a damn pretender. :|

[redapple]

It doesn't matter, he was being real. He's a damn pretender. :|

huh? im confused!

[ThePiedPiper]

It doesn't matter, he was being real. He's a damn pretender. :|

With all due respect, this is a part of why I think it would be good to take some time to be you and be single. I'm sorry that this happened. No one should ever have to go through it, but I feel like if you take some time to be single, heal, grow, and learn from these situations, you can avoid jumping head first into a similar issue. :/ Agan, I'm sorry to hear this happened.

[Dezface]

With all due respect, this is a part of why I think it would be good to take some time to be you and be single. I'm sorry that this happened. No one should ever have to go through it, but I feel like if you take some time to be single, heal, grow, and learn from these situations, you can avoid jumping head first into a similar issue. :/ Agan, I'm sorry to hear this happened.

Agreed. Sometimes people are so anxious to find love they repeatedly jump into bad situations. Don't let that happen to you. Take some time out and it will find you when you're ready.

[NeverToFarApartx3]

Agreed. Sometimes people are so anxious to find love they repeatedly jump into bad situations. Don't let that happen to you. Take some time out and it will find you when you're ready.

That's what I am doing , time to be by myself for a while and do my own thing. He's in a gang, as I mentioned before, and he almost got into a fight because someone was talking bad about him being with me because in his gang they have their own 'girlfriends'. So he won't talk to me, or be around me because he doesn't want to get me hurt or in trouble. So now he's avoiding me, but he's talking to another girl. I also have members from his gang following me around when I'm by myself and saying stuff like "I'm not scared to hit a girl".. my life is drama. I'm ready to break away from it all. I wish he would have just left me alone. I didn't want to be with him, he kissed me, I kept turning my head to avoid a situation like this..