Should I stay mad or get over it?

[aomnomnom]

Me and my bf communicate regularly on facebook and I have always had an issue with him going offline without letting me know. He would tell me that he needs to go somewhere, but not when he's actually leaving... It bothers me alot, I find it rude and I just hate it! One second we are talking and the next he's off and i was in the middle of talking to him. So, I feel stupid everytime he does it. I've told him that I do not like when he acts like he can come and go as he pleases and he promised to improve... Right now he doesn't have a smart phone, so, I can only talk to him when he's on the computer which make it even worse and we have been arguing alot and I dont like to be mad, but sometimes I just feel like he's taking me for granted and that im always available to him

Yesterday, he told me he was going out with his buddies for drinks and I never had a problem with that (he also went out the night before which he did not tell me and just stopped chatting to go out with his friends - we have a 12 hrs time difference so i was actually sleeping and didnt care much so i was not as mad) and then he comes back and left me a message saying that he was going to the mall and he will talk to me later. I woke up this morning and left him a message complaining that he did not say goodbye the night before. He got online 1 am. his time and totally ignore my previous message... We talked and he asked if i was mad again? I said I was and he just change the subject (wtf?) He did not even bother to ask me what is wrong, or say sorry or whatever about not saying goodbye, but he totally ignored it! Then I went quiet and so did he. Then he just told me he is going to bed...

Now I am beyond mad I hate being mad and not talking to him but this has been the cause of my "resentment" forever and he keeps doing it! I dont think I want him to apologize maybe just explain that he was in a hurry or whatever, but not this where he just ignored me and hope that I will come around and apologize for feeling hurt and taken for granted. I dont really need him to report to me all the time, just the decency to let me know that he wont be responding again tonight because we were actively talking and dont keep me waiting for a response...

Should I stay mad at him, or get over it? (I usually am the one to break the silence but dont feel like it this time. He obviously doesnt care )

[kacie]

i had a similiar thing as well, where he would leave during conversations, when i said to him he replied he thought it was the end of the conversation so left. Whereas I didn't think it was and I would have liked to know if he was leaving, but we talked about it and he tells me he's leaving more now.

[aomnomnom]

thanks Kacie, I know im not alone in this lol I usually just cool down and things will go back to normal. I tried to be patient about it but i cannot help it sometimes. I was not as mad as about the leaving part as when i actually pointed it out for him and he didnt even care and simply just ignored it

[jleec24]

You should not stay mad, no. You said yourself that you hate being mad and it anger doesn't really help. My suggestion is just to tell him that you want to sit down and have a serious talk and just explain everything you have told us. Tell him that it makes you angry and that it hurts you and maybe figure out the both of you how to compromise to this. Tell him what you want and what is ideal to you, he tells you the same and the both of you figure out something that will work for the both of you.

[aomnomnom]

Thank you, that's what we always end up doing. (thanks to him being more mature than i am hehe) and like I've said we've discussed this countless times and he seems to be trying but i guess im just stressing too much and a little jealous that his friends get to spend time with him and i cant even have a real conversation with him LDR sucks

[redapple]

I just find this rude- I don't think he's doing it to be mean or anything I just think its an oversight of his that this is pretty rude and would upset you.

I'd try not to make a huge deal of it though, by the sounds of it you communicate late his night and although this is not an excuse to put up with bad behaviour no one want to come online when they are tired and have arguments with their SO all the time. So what is my advice.... I think be firm. Don't just not talk to him. If it was me I'd say something like "I'd really apprieciated if you'd just send me a quick message before you leave, I feel a bit neglected and upset when you don't and I'd really like to not keep arguing about this. Just a quick message is fine but this is something that does really upset me and I'd apprieciate you taking the time to say goodbye"

If he doesn't then I'd tell him a second time that I find it rude and it really does upset me and he needs to stop it.

And if he still doesn't then you need to think if this is just something bizarre he does that you can get over and he looks after you in other situations or if this is a sign he's being a bit neglectful.

[louisekerry]

I had a bit of a moan to my SO about this sort of thing today too, thankfully he doesn't just disappear on me for hours on end but quite often we'll be having a conversation and he'll just disappear and I'm left talking to myself for a few minutes before I realise he's gone :P It really does wind me up, so I think your feelings are justified, I told him I don't want a running commentary of his movements every day but saying 'brb' or 'I'm busy right now, I'll talk to you later' doesn't really take much, you know? I mean if he's busy and can't tell me he's busy that's fine, I'll just assume he's not around if he doesn't reply, but to be doing something else and not just say "I'm just doing x, so I might not reply much"...well, I'd like that a lot more

I wouldn't worry though, I don't think he's doing it deliberately or because he doesn't care, I got pretty annoyed with my SO a while back for the same thing and he said "sometimes I forget " He'd started playing a game with his brother mid conversation and got pretty into it, I just asked him to let me know if he was going away to do something so I'd perhaps expect not to get a response and not sit here talking to myself :P I wouldn't stay mad, but definitely remind him that it upsets you, if he is trying to sort it out then he obviously cares, and you've said you can see that he is

[Mims27]

Like louisekerry, my SO tends to just "disappear" as well. She doesn't just leave without saying saying bye but she leaves or is doing something for a few minutes without saying BRB. It drives me bonkers. I hate feeling like I'm talking to myself. lol Basically I talked to her and told her it bugged me and she's not doing it as often now. She makes an effort. Like her, I don't think your SO is doing it on purpose...it's probably just a bad habit. Definitely talk to him.

[Nbaby]

Same question here....

[aomnomnom]

wow its nice to know im not the only one! I have talked to him about it. He knew I was mad but he thought it was because he was not around much this past weekend.

He was like 'I love you, please dont be mad.' and 'i asked him if he even knew what i was being mad for?...' that's when i realized that he had absolutely no clue that i hate it. I told him that hate it when he did that but it was in a slighty different circumstances and he just couldnt remember -.- I had to explain to him that it's like hanging up on someone if not worse. I told him that i understand if he's busy and when we are not actively talking and he said he understood. So, maybe you can try that with your SOs. We'll see how long his memory will last though.

goodluck!

[Oldblighty]

My hubby does the vanishing act on a daily basis even though he knows how much it frustrates me. I'll be discussing something important and then I'll realise I haven't heard a response so call out to ask where he is. No response. A few minutes later he'll return and I'll ask where's he been and he'll say to get something to eat, or the loo. I'm actually getting fed up with him doing it because he knows all he needs to do is say "I'll be right back" and then I won't waffle on like a crazy old woman....Just polite and respectful to let your partner know that your going off to do something....