Crushes and a SO?

[Hololz]

I would tend to echo what has already been said. I think its natural to find other people attractive, in fact my SO and I discuss on a regular basis who we think is and is not attractive (friends, famous people, random people we see on TV), although I would find it weird if he came home from work and said something like "a really attractive girl came into the hospital today" or told me that he found a coworker attractive (especially if I had never met them). In this respect I think a crush would tend to be something more secret. A full blow crush would be a problem in a relationship becuase, from past crushes I've had, that person is on your mind every single second of the day. I'd be really hurt to find out that my SO thought of someone other than me all day long...

[Zephii]

There have been a couple of people in my life who, if I wasn't with Obi, I'd pursue. Both when we've been LD and more recently while we've been CD. I don't think there's anything wrong with recognizing potential when you see it. I've never acted on it of course. Not even when I wasn't actually official with Obi and one of these "potentials" was attempting to court me. But it happens. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

[ST25]

There have been a couple of people in my life who, if I wasn't with Obi, I'd pursue. Both when we've been LD and more recently while we've been CD. I don't think there's anything wrong with recognizing potential when you see it. I've never acted on it of course. Not even when I wasn't actually official with Obi and one of these "potentials" was attempting to court me. But it happens. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

^ what she said. I think if they were just people whose looks and personality you've found attractive - and nothing more, then meh, that's not unusual. It happened to me, it happened to my SO and I bet it happens to a number of people.They think about it and then it fleets away. Doesn't mean that you stopped loving your loved one or wanna jump into another relationship. Sometimes people wonder. ^^

[Verojoon]

When I was married, I would often get crushes. I didn't act on them and people I talked to told me it was normal...

And until I read this topic I was still in that mind frame that it's normal. As I was arguing in my head with each of the posts mentioning finding guys attractive vs crushing, I realized for the first time that I had never developed a crush on a guy while with my SO... even when we were broken up, it took a lot of effort on my part until I was able to make myself start getting crushes on other boys (I've always had crushes on someone since being 5 years old!!) Now that we are back together, those crushes are completely wiped out... at most I will find a guy's look and personality attractive... but never so much as to undermine my feelings or cause any sort of wistful feeling or attraction in me...

hmm interesting realization!

[Fra101]

I agree with the posts on here, there's a difference between having a crush and finding someone attractive, there's a fine line between looking at a person for their looks and then having an infatuation with a particular person; for instance if you're constantly looking up your crush on Facebook, even though you know you're not supposed to...it doesn't bother me that my SO has celebrity crushes or can find other people attractive, that's normal. I've just heard too many stories of crushes getting out of hand, and that doesn't just apply to LDR's

[charly]

There have been a couple of people in my life who, if I wasn't with Obi, I'd pursue. Both when we've been LD and more recently while we've been CD. I don't think there's anything wrong with recognizing potential when you see it. I've never acted on it of course. Not even when I wasn't actually official with Obi and one of these "potentials" was attempting to court me. But it happens. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Totally agree with Zephii. There are two guys in one of my lecture class that flirt with me all the time, and if I wouldn't have had Marcus I'd probably flirted back. Now I try to not give mixed signals to them, but when my SO isn't here I have some trouble not to flirt too much. So yes, I am attracted to them, but I don't want anyone else than my SO. Because where these 2 guys are attractive because they are new, and flirty, I know my SO is attractive because we fit together so incredibly well.

[kayla_622]

I find other guys attractive, of course. Its only natural. I'm sure my SO finds other women attractive too. Whether or not you let that attraction develop into a crush is all on you though. I've never had a crush on someone else since I've been with my SO. I'm completely dedicated to him and he's the only person I want. I think developing a crush on another individual while you are with someone else is just wrong. I would actually say it goes along with emotional cheating.

Basically what I'm saying is...finding other people attractive is okay but don't let yourself develop feelings for another person while you are dating or involved with someone else. Its not fair to you or your SO.

[artgrl808]

I've only really had two crushes, but just minor crushes nothing like; " you're better than my SO " or " I wanna be with you " just more of a simple " I like you, you have a good personality " type of crush.

I think having a crush or liking someones personality is okay, so long as you don't flirt with the person or cross the line of friendship.

I think the best way to avoid any kind of crushes when you are long distance is to surround yourself with the same sex, try to spend time with friends. don't put yourself in a situation you may come to regret later.

I totally agree with Sharon Q. Just don't get distracted! An LDR takes some serious commitment and devotion to maintain!!