First off I wasn't sure exactly where to post this. I felt that this area might be more active so I would be able to get a better response.
Basically I have been feeling rather depressed the past few days because I feel as if I am going no where with my life.
Here's a little background history.
I went to school, did kinda crappy in high school 2.0 GPA. I was in special ed classes. Which I feel if I had acquired a decent tutor those types of classes would not have been needed.
My last year of high school I went to a vocational trade school that was branched with the high school, So you got a trade and a H.S diploma.
I took STNA ( State Tested Nurses Aide ) for my trade. After graduation I could not find a job in that field because of my size. 4'11 and 105lbs and I couldn't lift the amount required for the field.
So... After being out of High school and jobless for a few years I went to Job Corps ( a free trade school program paid for by the government. )
Where I took Culinary Arts, Job corps is basically for those who have criminal history and/or are H.S drop outs. A lot of people there were very ignorant, rude, and uneducated.( this includes most of the actual Staff as well, not just the students ) I basically didn't learn much at all and the only reason I even completed my trade was because my mom wanted me to do so.
I had a job, but after three weeks they fired me because of my height and lack of fast pace.
With the economy and job speculation at this time I have decided to apply for SSI ( social security income ) Which I qualify for because I have mild cerebral palsy. ( a birth defect which causes damage to the cerebral cortex of the brain IE, your motor skills, such as your movement, speech etc. )
With SSI - I will only make around $600 or so a month. Which isnt too bad for supporting just yourself I suppose.
Now, here's the issue with all this.
My SO is thinking about joining the air force, which I support and I'm willing to wait for him, I wont rush him into some marriage just to be with him, I don't mind waiting for him to make up his mind and give him time to do so.
Here's the thing tho IF we do get married, I lose my SSI income ( tho we are going to see if we can work around that with a prenuptial agreement and seeing if we can keep our money separate; However I will have to see if I can do that by talking to someone when I apply. )
I understand that IF my SO and I do get married and he is in the Air Force than I will be covered as well, However I don't want to be the house wife who just cooks and cleans for her hubby, I want to do something with my life something where I can provide support for a family that I want in the future.
I have been thinking about going to college to occupy my time, that way if my SO does decide to do the air force I wont be going insane with boredom and nothing to do with my time. Plus I feel going to college would help me build more self-esteem.
However I also feel that going back to school would be a waste of my time ( I'm not really worried about the money because if I'm on SSI I will be able to get the Pell grant which goes up to $5000 or so a year, and I live with my dad so dorm price wont be an issue. ) Because NONE of the schooling/training I've had has helped me career wise. I spent 8 months at Job corps with literally nothing career wise to show for it. So I'm not feeling very hopeful that anything will really help me out.
I seriously feel as if my life is going no where. My SO can fall back on the air force or another military branch if he needs to. I can't do so because of my disability.
It is because of my disability that I have such a hard time finding a full time job. I don't want to go on SSI I would rather have a job, you make way more with an actual job.
I feel so discouraged and I am unsure of what to do. If my SO and I don't marry I can't be with him on base, if we do marry I lose my source of income, and as I said I don't want to be the house wife that only cooks and cleans, I actually want to work and provide for my future.
Any advice or words of wisdom?
Its getting to the point where Im depressed and I'm starting to dislike my life and feel useless.
Basically I have been feeling rather depressed the past few days because I feel as if I am going no where with my life.
Here's a little background history.
I went to school, did kinda crappy in high school 2.0 GPA. I was in special ed classes. Which I feel if I had acquired a decent tutor those types of classes would not have been needed.
My last year of high school I went to a vocational trade school that was branched with the high school, So you got a trade and a H.S diploma.
I took STNA ( State Tested Nurses Aide ) for my trade. After graduation I could not find a job in that field because of my size. 4'11 and 105lbs and I couldn't lift the amount required for the field.
So... After being out of High school and jobless for a few years I went to Job Corps ( a free trade school program paid for by the government. )
Where I took Culinary Arts, Job corps is basically for those who have criminal history and/or are H.S drop outs. A lot of people there were very ignorant, rude, and uneducated.( this includes most of the actual Staff as well, not just the students ) I basically didn't learn much at all and the only reason I even completed my trade was because my mom wanted me to do so.
I had a job, but after three weeks they fired me because of my height and lack of fast pace.
With the economy and job speculation at this time I have decided to apply for SSI ( social security income ) Which I qualify for because I have mild cerebral palsy. ( a birth defect which causes damage to the cerebral cortex of the brain IE, your motor skills, such as your movement, speech etc. )
With SSI - I will only make around $600 or so a month. Which isnt too bad for supporting just yourself I suppose.
Now, here's the issue with all this.
My SO is thinking about joining the air force, which I support and I'm willing to wait for him, I wont rush him into some marriage just to be with him, I don't mind waiting for him to make up his mind and give him time to do so.
Here's the thing tho IF we do get married, I lose my SSI income ( tho we are going to see if we can work around that with a prenuptial agreement and seeing if we can keep our money separate; However I will have to see if I can do that by talking to someone when I apply. )
I understand that IF my SO and I do get married and he is in the Air Force than I will be covered as well, However I don't want to be the house wife who just cooks and cleans for her hubby, I want to do something with my life something where I can provide support for a family that I want in the future.
I have been thinking about going to college to occupy my time, that way if my SO does decide to do the air force I wont be going insane with boredom and nothing to do with my time. Plus I feel going to college would help me build more self-esteem.
However I also feel that going back to school would be a waste of my time ( I'm not really worried about the money because if I'm on SSI I will be able to get the Pell grant which goes up to $5000 or so a year, and I live with my dad so dorm price wont be an issue. ) Because NONE of the schooling/training I've had has helped me career wise. I spent 8 months at Job corps with literally nothing career wise to show for it. So I'm not feeling very hopeful that anything will really help me out.
I seriously feel as if my life is going no where. My SO can fall back on the air force or another military branch if he needs to. I can't do so because of my disability.
It is because of my disability that I have such a hard time finding a full time job. I don't want to go on SSI I would rather have a job, you make way more with an actual job.
I feel so discouraged and I am unsure of what to do. If my SO and I don't marry I can't be with him on base, if we do marry I lose my source of income, and as I said I don't want to be the house wife that only cooks and cleans, I actually want to work and provide for my future.
Any advice or words of wisdom?
Its getting to the point where Im depressed and I'm starting to dislike my life and feel useless.
Just that you even have the option to go to a local school while still living at home on Pell Grant is GREAT. They might not have a program that you're in love with, like pastry or baking arts, but that isn't the end all be all! Pick something that would play to your strengths and go for it! Like you said, tech support, or if you are good with numbers accounting, or if you are great at memorizing lots of details then most schools like that have paralegal programs as well. In this age, just the fact that you have even a 2-year degree (no matter what its in) will put you above so many other people in the job field. For instance being a professional bakers have to deal with numbers and purchasing and time management and an employer would be confident in you being able to do that with a 2-year degree above someone who doesn't have one. Think of going to college more like a way to empower yourself for the rest of your life instead of just a way to kill time 
Comment