Emotions and feelings

[jomiscli]

Hi I am new here and to long distance relationships. I just have a few questions about some feelings I have been having, some I've never even had before.

Well first is jealousy. I have never been a jealous person but for some reason I do get a little jealous with my SO.

Second is anxiousness. I guess I have a disposition for anxiety so I was wondering if a LDR could enhance it.

Third is like a depression type thing. I get sad when I am not able to talk or be with my SO. The relationship is still very new so I was wondering if this was normal in the early stages? Her schedule is also very sporadic and sometimes when we have a set time together she just has to get up and go.

Last I just have been experiencing these ups and downs. I feel amazing one day and then the next I feel down. I am not sure how to sort through the feelings sometimes but I know I need to because sometimes it effects the time me and my SO have together.

She is AMAZING because not only is she coping with her emotions and stuff, but she has to cope with mine too. I have gotten a lot better but sometimes I just dip. Any advice?

[EnglishMan]

Hello. I think those are emotions and feelings that us LDR-er's (or in my case ex-LDRer) would know!

I hear you on jealousy. I dont want to try and impound anything here, but to myself (i.e. without letting onto my ex) I would be jealous of people who saw her and got to be in her presence. There's nothing you can change about that fact until you close the distance, the best way to deal with that is to remember your SO, despite every difficulty an LDR encompasses, has chosen to be with you. She has chosen the hard path, because she wants you. It can be tough sometimes, but ultimately I think a lil jealousy can be natural with these relationships. But your SO is with you. That is the important fact to remember.

On anxiousness; I dont know your situation, but I know for mine, I had the prospect of flying alone 5000 miles across the world, to meet and live for a couple of weeks with completely new people (my then gf's family). I can be anxious at times (though I dont show it apparently) but even that prospect didnt phase me. I wanted to 'do it all' to be with her and if anything my LDR brought out the more adventurous and daring side of me.

Depression I completely felt at times. I wont lie there. And it ties in with your point after. Im a relatively optimistic person, and there would be days where nothing was wrong, but id be quite emotional and tearful to myself because I just wanted her beside me, right at that time. I think the best way to think about it is to know that an LDR is by nature an emotional rollercoaster. I think that's also what makes this type of relationship arguably the strongest, because you have to go through so much to do anything. Everything that any close-distance couple takes for granted, we had to work for.

I think how you feel is natural, I felt that way a bit myself at times. I think the best thing to do is to do what you can with each other everyday, and just remind yourself that it is worth waiting for. And this simplifies it too much, but if you strip an LDR down to its very basic long-term plan, then 'all' you need to do is wait until the opportunity to close the distance is there. Patience and waiting is the key. In the meantime, you just get on with loving each other and making each other feel truly happy.

[iHeartt]

Well said EnglishMan, well said!!!
I think what you're going through is completely normal. LDR's are difficult, we just have to trust in our SO and communicate with them. Good luck to you!

[pretty ll vacant]

I feel the same as you do a lot, my So also has a very sporadic schedule so I'm used to him having to get up and go when we've planned something as well. I'm trying to deal with it better by keeping myself occupied with lots of things. Like yourself, I also just kind of go silent n dip off ..and this right here my friend is our downfall. Communication is very important, have you talked with her and told her these things and how it makes you feel when you don't get to talk to her? If something happens with our plans I always get him to make it up to me. Try working something like that out with her maybe.

Sometimes certain people aren't cut out for LDR's and I often think I might be one of those people because I have my ups and downs as well. That's also something I can't explain and haven't even fully figured out yet, but i do know that I'd be far worse if he wasn't in my life at all and it keeps me going. I wish I had more advice for you, but I mainly wanted to comment and let you know that you're not alone out there. It totally gets better, we just need stick around through the hard times :]

[Softy]

Englishman pretty said it all.

Yup, LDR are rough.
It's a roller coaster of emotions.
You will get sad and angry at times for no apparent reasons.
You may get more angry than usual or even be a lil more jealous than usual.
It's normal.

Because you love your other half so much, you want to be close to him/her so much.... that emotions are 'intensified'.

Keep your chin up, keep strong and be there for each other and you will make it : )

cheers

[Kiyama]

You can do it! I'm not going to lie to you. Ldrs are hard and painful at times and it sucks that you can't be with the person you want to spend your life with. I count myself to the people who it's definitely harder for. I'm not cut out for this, compared to my SO who can deal with it loads better! However, I've made it so far. I survived one year of ld and even I got used to it. I still have up and downs and periods of time I feel depressed but I've also learned to cope with the distance. I enjoy my life and couldn't be happier, despite the fact that my SO isn't here (which would make things even more perfect )
So my advice is to accept these emotions when they are there but try not to dwell on the situation. Keep busy, meet up with friends, work hard so you are distracted and all of a sudden the next visit is just around the corner

[Dezface]

I agree that what you're feeling is normal. My SO and I have extremely rough days sometimes, and even though we try not to bring the other down, it always happens. I think the best advice I have is just to realize you're on a tough ride and some days will be better than others. Just know that because you're down right now, doesn't mean you will be in two hours. Or the next day. Or whatever the case may be. Always look forward to the next positive thing in your relationship. I think planning a visit and having that to keep sane is the best, but if you can't plan that, at least a date day via Skype or packages in the mail, etc... You can't let it all be doom and gloom or it will get the best of you. Good luck.

[blackframez]

You can't let it all be doom and gloom or it will get the best of you. Good luck.

QFT!! When I am getting sad and hopeless about being apart from my love, I found it helps me to cheer up when I remind myself "Good things are worth waiting for."

[jomiscli]

Ah thank you guys. You really put it in perspective. My SO is fantastic for making up missed time, it's just sometimes my feelings linger and when THAT time is over I get bummed and I guess depressed and it hurts her too. I'll just have to be stronger, I never knew it would be so hard.

I am meeting with my SO for the first time in five days!!! So yeah I need to just relax and cope better for her.

Thank you for the support.

[Alsfia]

I am meeting with my SO for the first time in five days!!! So yeah I need to just relax and cope better for her.

Congrats! The posts above pretty much said it all, and you do get used to it Which in it's own way kind of sucks, but I find one of the most positive parts with LDRs is that you appreciate eachother much more when you actually spend time being physically together, regardless of what you're doing

[D.4C]

i don't get jealous..because i totally trust her..anxiousness i can totally understand..i had gotten so anxious...that i made an extra trip to go see her between when she was here...and when we close the distance in january..i couldn't take it..i can also understand the depression type thing too...and goes right along with the ups and downs..i love her so much...it hurts to be away from her...and not be able to snuggle with her at night...and just come home to when i've had a bad day..or whatever..as far as advice..you have to get over the jealousy part..because it will eat you alive..if you love each other...and she has told you that you are the only one...you have to trust in that...it will make the rest of the feelings fall into place...

[reversi300]

Hello Softy,

I like your response the best because it was short and sweet and to the point and it really got to me. Granted everyone else said the same thing, but your post is the one that got me. I miss my boyfriend so much that I do randomly go on a roller coaster all the time, but I put on a face when we chat. I have 27 more days until I get to see my boyfriend again and I am hoping that I get to close the distance by March. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of him for following his dreams and getting to go home and that we do talk everyday, but it's just not the same as talking face to face. His work schedule is so sporadic that I rarely get any sleep anymore because I don't ever know when I get to talk to him on any given day.

[sasad]

This thread is pretty old... Last post was 2012.

Hello Softy,

I like your response the best because it was short and sweet and to the point and it really got to me. Granted everyone else said the same thing, but your post is the one that got me. I miss my boyfriend so much that I do randomly go on a roller coaster all the time, but I put on a face when we chat. I have 27 more days until I get to see my boyfriend again and I am hoping that I get to close the distance by March. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of him for following his dreams and getting to go home and that we do talk everyday, but it's just not the same as talking face to face. His work schedule is so sporadic that I rarely get any sleep anymore because I don't ever know when I get to talk to him on any given day.