Still havent' met

[vinzter]

J and I have been "together" for over a year and we still have not met. I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me that this is extraordinary, but I do trust him. I've not seen him on cam, but he has shared MANY, many photos of himself, his studio (work), and family with me. When we first started talking he gave me a time frame of when he was going to see me. Then it changed. Then it changed again. The reason always being delays in a project he is working on. I will not go to lengths here about the details of his profession, but each time he does explain to me, I feel at peace and satisified with his answer; not suspicious. He is never vague with me and always consistent in the things he has told me. I've been with liars before and I know consistency is crucial.

Those close to me are suspicious that a man of his means could not make time to see/meet me. I've resorted to not talking about him to people because they don't understand and don't know him as I do. It's very difficult because of how I feel about him.

I don't feel I am being blind in the situation. I have faith that all is as it should be and that patience is the key element here. I came to realize that I had a choice; either accept the situation as it is in faith or move on. There was too much internal conflict to stay on the fence and have doubt.

I am reasonable enough to spot all the things wrong if I wanted to. I also am confident enough to see beyond what is.

Has anyone else been in a situation where you have never met and waited a lengthy amount of time? How did you handle it? What did you tell others that were not so optimistic? How did it work out?

[LadyMarchHare]

I've yet to meet my SO, but I don't think 5 months can be considered 'lengthy'. My best friend's last relationship was an LDR and he lived all the way in Scotland. It wasn't until halfway into the second year did he try to see her, but it fell through. I had always been supportive of her even though it never occurred to me at the time that they would need to meet. (I didn't know much about LDRs, or serious ones anyway) I know her mom gave her a lot of grief because she'd say he was cheating or playing her for a fool and so on, the usual stuff. It hurt her but I was there to at least give her some support. His second attempt got him arrested because he was carrying a prescription in an unmarked bottle and he ended up in jail for 2 weeks and she got hurt after waiting at the airport all day and having no word from anyone because the people that knew hated her. Ended up being for the best in the long run, but I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.

That aside, it's very hard for people to grasp why after x amount of time you haven't seen them or why you don't talk as much as a 'normal' couple would. I know people are stunned to hear I go 2 weeks or so without hearing from my SO strictly because of his job and the hours and that we haven't made plans to visit solidly again because of his job. It's unpredictable, but that's life. Your SO obviously can't drop what he's doing, which is understandable even if it hurts when you realize it stretches out the wait. In the end it'll be worth it. It's just a matter of having faith and trust in your SO's reasons, knowing that you WILL see them as soon as it's possible so you two aren't rushing and can make the most of it, and to hell with the naysayers.

[folclor]

I met my boyfriend online in September 2008. we didn't really become friends until October, we didn't start being 'together' until March 2009, but we didn't meet until May 29th of this year. So I know how desperate you feel about that. I've felt it to. The only thing that makes me iffy about it is that you say you haven't video chatted. Have you talked on the phone? My suggestion, if you're feeling iffy, is as for time on the phone or ask for time to video chat. If he refuses ask why. If the phone is an issue of too much money (depending on whether y'all are international or not) then still ask about the webcam. If he doesn't own one, that's one thing, he can still do voice chat with you, but if he has one and he keeps saying 'I'm too tired' or 'I'm too busy right now' he's either super shy and you might can remedy his nervousness by letting him in on how nervous you are, or he's lying. That being said... The video thing is my only reservation from what I've read. ^^ good luck to you.

[Tulip]

My boyfriend and I were together for 3 months before we met in person, not really a lengthy amount of time but I'll try to give my input. We were good friends before we became something more than that, and we had good communication from the start. We talked regularly on skype when were just friends, so when we started going out nothing changed much except that we also exchanged phone numbers. The thing is that we immediately set the date when we're gonna meet as soon as we started dating, so I think that helped us deal with it since from the start we knew for sure when we're gonna see each other.
I generally didn't talk about him much during those three months, but those that did know reacted optimistically. I think some weren't as enthusiastic as others, but my cheerfulness whenever I talked about them made it impossible for them to say anything bad. So then we finally met up and it was as though the distance was never there

I think that in your case, your SO needs to get a webcam. It makes things a lot easier when you're able to see each other face to face (screen to screen?), and it's even better if you can talk on skype. Did he tell you why he doesn't have a webcam? It's possible to get one for a cheap price, not very good quality but better than nothing. Since you've been together for this long it seems reasonable for you to ask him to get a webcam, and it would be a bit suspicious if he refused. It's great that you trust him, and I'm not trying to say anything to make you doubt that, it's just something that should be thought about.

Also, you do need to set the date when you meet, even if it's soon. You mentioned that it's his job that delays it, but does that mean that only he can't visit you, and that maybe you could visit him instead? Anyways, I hope that it'll work out for you

[vinzter]

We talk and text several times a day. He is admitttedly VERY paranoid about his privacy. He is a prodigy and thinks very differently than anyone I have ever met. I have offered to go and see him, but he says he is the type that becomes very focussed on something and cannot be distractetd until it's completed (says he knows when he sees me he will not be able to focus on anything else). His business IS multinational-multimedia, so it seems incomprehensible that he does not have a webcam. That being said, he says he does have video chat capability on his phone, however, I do not. He NEVER says he is too tired or too busy to talk to me. Besides calling me several times during the day, he makes a habit of calling me each night at my bedtime to kiss me goodnight, and always calls me as soon as he wakes to tell me good morning.

In the early stages of our relationship I thought he might be married, however, after this long and calling him at ALL hours of the day and night, I truly don't think so.

[folclor]

well, considering you can call him and hear his voice and all...that's probably good enough. Perhaps you could give him a webcam as a present?

[Caitlin2009]

i've been in a relationship with Denise since last year, we havent even met yet but will in a few weeks! Things happen and fall through so you cant always expect for things to work out right away sometimes it takes months or even longer!

[vinzter]

I think he must have been reading my mind... He just phoned me (for the 3rd time today!) and told me how much he appreciates me and appreciates how patient I am and that he doesn't think he could even build a more perfect woman than me ;-)

[Caitlin2009]

one good sign is that he seems to be very intuned with you and thats a very good thing

[Caity]

Me and my SO have been waiting 7 years to meet. Our reasons have been due to school and our age as we met very young and also money. To cope with the long wait we speak on msn alot and we're always on webcam and often calling each other over msn too. I will finally meet him next week!! =D But it is possible if you have the patience to last through a long wait. What helps us cope is thinking of ending the distance, thinking things like what's 7 years apart compared with 70 years together. We both think it's worth the wait.

[vinzter]

what's 7 years apart compared with 70 years together. We both think it's worth the wait.

I love it! Thanks!

[agentholli]

Girl, I am in the same boat as you! I have known Mark for almost 2 years. We have been talking non stop (each and every day, several times a day) for over a year now. We became "offical" 8 months ago. I have still yet to meet him. IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am NOT kidding when I say its driving me crazy! The heartache and the physical ache to be able to touch him is getting REALLY untolerable. I seem to cry over it alot lately.

We have had sooooo many plans to meet and then something comes up and it gets cancelled. Its mostly money for us. He has kids, i have kids...things seem to happen all the time. He is waiting for a settlement to come through on a car accident and then he will be moving here...however, right now, he is trying to sell one of his two cars to come out to visit. He won't let me help pay for it, being a struggling single mom, and that frustrates me. I think if we put our resources together, it would happen faster..but alas, he won't.

I also am starting to get some wrath about him not coming yet. He was suppose to come 2 weekends ago, for a concert, and i bought him a ticket to the concert, so my whole family knew he was suppose to come. He had one guy really interested in his car and the financing fell through...so he was unable to come. Since that point, this distance, and the not meeting him yet has REALLY started to get hard to handle. But now, my whole family knew he was to come, and didn't...and they keep asking me. Is he ever going come? Why do you keep waiting? blah, blah, blah!

BUT the love I feel for this man surpasses all the heartache, physical ache, sadness, depression. I could NOT live without this man. People at work tell me he probably isn't who he says he is..but like you. I KNOW the difference in a liar and what he is. I once to thought he might be married, but we talk EVERY NIGHT..up into the wee hours like 4-5am his time and there is no way he could do that..married. We talk everyday for atleast 3 hours. Mostly at night when we are both home from work..and its just him and I. The kids are asleep.

I know he is worth the wait. Sometimes its unbearable..but the love I have for him is incredible. I think that since we haven't met yet, we have a STRONGER relationship..we know how to communicate..we are so in-tune with each other, he can tell instantly that something is wrong..we call at the same time..or text at the same time...we like/dislike the same things..we often joke that we are brother and sister..lol.

Well I am going on and on..i have no advice for you, if you get some good advice PLEASE tell me, cause i am having a hard time..but I KNOW what you are going through and its nice to know that someone is in the same boat as you. Good luck! I hope you get to meet him soon!!

[vinzter]

Holi,

Thanks for your post and input. This website is great for making me feel not-so-crazy, lol. John is the most incredible (in the literal sense) man I have ever met! He IS the whole package and God put him in my path at just the right time. He makes me feel so good. We also fight, so I know it's real. We are both passionate and although we can be so different, emotionally we are carbon copies and I think that is what makes it work so well. We give each other what we need.

[Zephii]

It took Obi and I five years to get around to meeting. Granted, we were young when we met online (17) and we didn't go official until we'd met in person. Had we been oficial I'd have gotten my bum to Canada much sooner I'm sure
But, my point is, sometimes it takes a while. And sometimes whilst we really want to meet our SO it's a little scary too, and takes time commitment and freedom we might not be ready to give up. Patience can be a good thing
I wouldn't be buying his excuse for why you can't go visit him though. That just red flags all over the place for me

[Čternity]

Well we haven't met yet and have been together a little over a year now. It is difficult at times, frustrating and overwhelming. I handle it by being on this site so I don't send irrational, needy emails, or imagine things that aren't there. I think you do need to sort out what is your 'stuff' and what's 'theirs' in terms of what each of you does and what it is in reality versus what you take it to mean and how you let it affect you. Some times busy is busy and sometimes it's avoidance. Hard to tell sometimes and you do need to 'call' them on it for clarification.

We do webcam every day which is very reassuring for me, even if we just say 'Hi, how was your day'. I agree with the other posters that think this may be an issue. Having said that though, I know it took a loonnng time for me to even start talking on cam because I don't handle change very well but now it's fine. I guess you need to find out exactly why he is not up for cam. I don't know, could be scared of the unknown like me, or wary of change to deepen the relationship um like me or self doubt and loathing yep you guessed it, like me or maybe it's an Australian thing!

So I'm getting ready to book the plane tickets which you would think would be SO exciting to meet for the first time BUT I'm panicked! Happy to PM if you need to - lol you are basically next door to my SO!