How Can You Date Someone You've Never Met?

[Zapookie]

This is my only relationship and we started out LD. It was weird at first.. I was in a weird place when we first started talking. He wanted to be my friend but I kept pushing him away. I didn't want to be involved with someone so far away because I knew if we got close, there would be no turning back. I wasn't prepared for that, so it took me a while to warm up to him and eventually let him in.

I don't know what it's like dating someone CD, but i can tell you that my SO knew every little dirty thing about my past before we even became a couple... and he still accepted me for who I am. I think that was the biggest thing for me.. having someone know me to my core and still want to be with me, and I don't feel this would have happened had we started out CD. At the time, I probably would have snubbed him off.. (I used to think I was the shit... I grew up since then hah).

[Sharon Q]

I don't think her question is rude at all. She isn't assuming anything negative about people starting off LD. She is just curious as to how starting off LD works.

Like her, I have been with my partner for 3 years before my SO moved. As for me it was also unexpected. We both had about a weeks notice before his move.

Being LD was very hard for us, We are now CD, and may be LD again soon ( if things work out career/school wise for him ) Often times I felt like giving up and thought if we werent CD before how much harder it would be for us to continue. Since we had started out CD it was easier because we knew one another better.



However I do understand what its like to start out LD too, I've had a few online crushes ( never a legit relationship tho ) I kind of get both sides really.

I don't think her question was rude. I don't feel that anyone here should be upset with someone who post anything because all the poster is seeking is enlightenment.

Everyone is different, and everyone holds different views, seeking the view point of another should not be shunned.

[gamer94]

For me it started off just talking occasionally. We met online, on a game in 2008, and we were both going through pretty depressing personal/family issues, and I guess the best way to put it is we became each others outlets from everything going on. Needless to say, somewhere along the way we fell in love. We dated on and off for a couple years, I had trust issues back then and frankly didn't trust him so the majority of that was my fault(we stopped talking for 2 years). He emailed me at the beginning of April this year out of nowhere and we started talking again, been together since May without very many problems.

But like everyone else has said, it's not really a lot different being in a LDR when you've never met the person. You start talking and getting to know them, feelings start, and it goes from there. I love Dan to death, I already consider him part of my family, even though I have yet to meet him. Aside from the distance between us there's nothing different about our relationship than that of a non-long distance relationship.

[melarie]

I think for me personally this is almost a better way to start out for me because I'm so quiet and so awkward when I first meet someone in person. I have an incredibly hard time making friends and progressing from acquaintances to actual friends. This is my first relationship. I think that being able to develop a connection with Shane before having to deal with the weirdness of meeting in person was a big help for me.

This also wasn't intended to be a relationship. When we first met we instantly connected and were talking every day for hours. The first weeks we knew each other I think. And after a month of talking so much, he already knew more about me than the person I had considered my best friend at the time. I trusted him more than anyone I knew. And one day I just asked him, what's going on with us? What is this? And we decided to be in a relationship. I definitely didn't expect to fall in love with him the first time he said something to me online, which I believe was "I'd rather just love you alive" (In relation to a picture I had with the lyrics/song title "Love me dead." And now he is doing just that :] I don't care how far away he is, I wasn't about to let go of such a strong connection, one I hadn't had with another person in a few years.

[Chris516]

Neither, CD, or LD, prevents a person from being fooled. But neither, CD, or LD, prevents a person from finding true love. I have been an LDR, only three weeks shorter, than the OP. It has been tough at times, but I have never regretted it for a moment.

An LD does provide the possibility to get to really know the person, without getting hung up the SO not looking like Cindy Crawford(she has a mole on the left side of her mouth), or Rock Hudson(how he looked in the movie 'Ice Station Zebra').

[Dezface]

I agree with the whole idea that most of the time it's accidental. Then once it's happened, you're in it. I would have never gone looking for this. It's hard, especially with the circumstances my SO and I both came from. You just fall into it. And once you've fallen hard for somebody, there really is no option but to see it through, even if you are across the state, country, or world!

[MissButterfly]

To me, the title of this thread comes across differently than you probably mean it, but it sounds a little rude.
Anyway, I'm not in this situation, but I'm writing a research essay about it now. I don't necessarily think it's harder or easier than a relationship where you did meet each other in person. I saw my SO 2 times, and after talking for a month we stared dating. Maybe it's different if you've been a CD couple for a long time and have to go LD, but I think we're all more or less in the same boat. That's why we are on this forum. I don't think there is anyone who can't relate to most people here, or at least imagine what their issues are like, because we're all going through similar things. Of course the experience is different for everyone. This is just how I see it, maybe other people don't feel like this and think that the one is really more difficult than the other.

[Tooki]

I had to meet my GF in person before I was willing to consumate our love and make it official.

[Verojoon]

I had to meet my GF in person before I was willing to consumate our love and make it official.

is consummating love the same as consummating marriage (sometime my ESL shows through!) I was just thinking if it means the same thing, then of course you would have to see her in person to consummate! Ok, so I'm being a smartass... it happens to me sometimes (often).

[Malaga]

I had to meet my GF in person before I was willing to consumate our love and make it official.

It was the same for us. We had feelings for each other, we *knew* we'd get together in person and neither of us looked further, but still we didn't want to consider it a relationship until we met each other in person. Luckily it was only about 2 months wait.

[digitalfever]

In my opinion you can't date someone you've never met but that has to do with my definition of dating which is the act of formal "courtship". You can however be committed, emotionally close and in a relationship. I know that's weird but I see dating as the stage before you commit and i think LD's force you to either
commit or forget it.

[Ciana]

Unfortunately, I agree with most that posted before me. The title of the thread makes it come off as more insulting that curious, but I am a sensetive person so you can just ignore this. ^^''

I personally was not okay with online dating or extremem LDR or liking someone you have never met in person; this was a very strong beleif I had and I stuck to it. I would help and support any friends my age who would be in one, but not one ended better than this guy they met online becoming their stalker and making their internet life hell. I had been in a LDR with a boy I went to Middle School with and he lived 20 miles away... But he never visited me. No matter how many times my own MOTHER offered to pick him up and take him back, even let him spend the damn night at my house, he always had an excuse ready. I now have reason to beleive he was merely dating me as a bet with a feiend that he could get me to date him as well as him cheating on me with more than one person.
To the point, never saw the good of a real LDR between two people and I had no faith in them. This was actually one of the main reasons my SO and I did not get together for a long time. He was afraid to tell me for fear of just outright rejection because he had listened to me tant on and on about how bad online dating was after I spent hours trying to help my other friends. Lol Poor guy. I feel awful knowin how much that must have hurt him now, because he didnt show any clue that he was so in love with me then.

But once I realized how it was, shit man, there was absolutely no going back. I agree with most of the others- it is accidental, but once youre in it, there is no going back. Distance was the last thing on my mind when I allowed myself to finally fall for John and then call him mine. I guess just having someone know you so well, through and through, was a big part of it. That and John is the kind of guy I would fall for even if it started CD, but never would have had the courage to talk to. :P
Needless to say, my veiws on LDR have changed!

[Tooki]

is consummating love the same as consummating marriage (sometime my ESL shows through!) I was just thinking if it means the same thing, then of course you would have to see her in person to consummate! Ok, so I'm being a smartass... it happens to me sometimes (often).

I had the same mindset as Malaga. I wanted to meet my GF to 'confirm' the feelings, in other words.

[dizzyupthemeg]

I pretty much agree with everything MadMolly has said. I don't use the term boyfriend with my family or friends, but they all refer to him as my boyfriend/my so or whatever else. Him and I know were we stand and how we feel and that's all I need. I don't use the term dating or even relationship, even though I technically am in one. Give us a few more long visits with each other and some more definite plans, and this may change, but we are both content right now.

With that being said, it took a lot longer for him and I to express feelings for each other than it would have if we didn't have the distance. We've known each other for 8 years, and had we of been CD I'm sure we would have started this process a long time ago. We hadn't met yet when feelings were first expressed, and in fact we didn't meet until years after. . It isn't like one day we both went "Hey, this could be fun to try!" It just happened.

[bethyylovee]

I'll admit, when we first started talking online I was like no way am I ever going to fall in love with someone I met online. But then we started really talking about our likes and dislikes, interests and morals, and I realized he was going to be apart of my life whether I liked it or not. I couldn't help it...I felt hard for him and I knew we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. It's been three years. He's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. He's the kindest, sweetest most amazing man I've ever met. And I would have missed out on this if I had quit just because we've never met. He's coming here for the first time in June and I'm so excited. He's the love of my life. Even if I've never held him.