It is okay that I felt/still feel a little irritated about this

[kayla_622]

Last night, my boyfriend got pretty drunk and we were both hanging out in an irc room so around 12:30 I told him I was going to go to bed in a bit (usually means about 30 minutes). Well, a few minutes later he's just like "I'm leaving now. goodnight". He doesn't even wait long enough for me to notice and say goodnight back or try to pm me to personally tell me goodnight. He just leaves. So, I sent him a text about 3 minutes later because I was half expecting him to maybe hop on WLM to talk to me for a few minutes before actually going to bed but after waiting a few minutes I texted him and said "Well goodnight" he texts me back and just says "Wait". I figure this means he's going to get on messenger now and a few minutes later he does.

I ask him why he just left earlier and he said that he thought that I was leaving. If this were the case I would have pm'd him to say goodnight and such before actually leaving. So I replied back that I hadn't said bye to him yet. He's just like "uh, bye?". I said ":/ you should just go to bed". He then tells me he's confused. I asked him about what and he says "i should tell you "bye" before I leave irc to come on messenger to talk with you". I tell him no not if you are going to get on messenger. He replies with "that's..." I then explain to him that I had expected him to at least pm me a goodnight before leaving instead of just generally saying goodnight to everyone in the public chat. He then says "are you mad". I tell him I'm not because I really wasn't (I was just a little irritated or agitated or whatever) and that I don't really know how to handle the things he does when he drinks sometimes (his behavior can be...erratic but nothing bad he's just all over the place). He asks "what do you mean" I then tell him that I'm not trying to tell him he has to say goodnight to me every night but that it would be nice and that there are other things that I don't know how to handle when he's drinking but picking and poking at every little detail seems stupid to me.

I ask if he's upset with me and then his messenger says he's away. Which means he passed out on me. I'm pretty irritated by that so I just get off the computer and go straight to bed.

I get on this morning and he say's good morning to me. I just say hi back and then he tells me that he passed out last night and woke up this morning having not moved at all and that my messenger window was still up on his screen. So, he saw my last message at least. Now he kinda acts like everything is fine and nothing is wrong. We don't really talk much for 30 minutes or so and then I pm him and say "sorry about last night" he's just like "for what" I tell him "for getting agitated or whatever on msn" He just replies back with "oh you're fine. sorry I wasn't paying very much attention" I just tell him its okay.

But, I don't know if it is okay. Maybe I'm just blowing everything out of proportion. I'm not really as upset as I was last night but the feeling is still there in the back of my head. Was it right of me to feel like that? Is it bad that I expected him to at least say goodnight to me personally? I mean he did get back on the computer after I texted him but he was just doing that because I texted him. I don't think he would have if didn't text him at all.

[Romeo s Juliet]

i think its a very small incident, and no its not a bad thing that you expected him to say good night to you personally. just let him know in a nice calm way when you both are in a good mood, and tell him that you want him to do so before he does to sleep, and show him how much it makes you happy/feel special when he does that by describing you feelings when he says that to you.
let him know so he can do so next time
good luck!

[Verojoon]

first off. Yes it's okay to be irritated. Whether it's warranted or not, this is your emotion and you are entitled to have it.

Now as far the actual issue at hand, I guess there are a few things you should consider. You mentioned that he is erratic when he is drinking and I get the feeling that you are more worried about this? In which case I think it is totally normal. I recently went through a period of really over-analyzing my BF's behavior when he's drinking. It was like because people generally look down on drinking, I had to evaluate everything about how he handles his problems, how often he drinks, how he acts when he drinks.. and the more I analyzed the more I saw problems that really aren't there...

But you know what? My feelings were what they were.. and we fought about it, but in the end we came to understand each other better because of it.

I don't know if I'm making sense.. But what I'm trying to say is that only you and your BF can decide between the two of you if this is really a problem or not (the drinking and just the expectation to say good bye, etc.) but the fact that you are irritated is not a problem... now you just need to figure out how to best deal with your irritation...

Being in a successful relationship means learning not only about your partner, but about yourself. It's not easy but when you see yourself making progress and start understanding him and yourself on a level you never thought was possible, it is so fulfilling!!

I feel like I'm making no sense.. but I swear it makes sense inside my head!

[summerkid]

technically.. from what I'm reading, the guy did say goodnight haha...I get that it can be irritating sometimes, but it is a small incident which i am guessing didn't really have to do with whether he said goodnight or not. Or maybe it was at first but then grew a bit bigger.
He was drunk...not an excuse, but an explanation... maybe it's best, as the poster before me mentioned, if you calmly tell him about why and how that made you feel. Also sounds like he was pretty tired and sleepy if he didn#t even make it to bed. So, maybe that's why he couldn't wait the extra minutes.

[ThePiedPiper]

I have issues with alcohol, so a part of my response stems from that, but the fact of the matter is, I've never met anyone who's able to handle expectations real well when they're drunk to the point of passing out on you. Based on the fact that he was drunk, and so wasn't in his usual state of mind (and I disagree with those who say alcohol doesn't alter your state of mind "at all." If it didn't, there'd be no point in drinking), then I'd say you need to let this one go. He was intoxicated and sounds like he was exhausted and that's probably why it resulted in him not paying very much attention (my ex would do this as well) and why he didn't handle the situation like he does normally. You're going to make a mountain out of a molehill and cause unnecessary tension with this one, so I would say let it go.

[kayla_622]

Thanks everyone for your responses.

I guess...I'm pretty much over it now. I realized that he was drunk and wasn't in the right state of mind and that normally on any other day he would say goodnight to me personally. Not just to everyone in the whole public chat. Our relationship is still new and we are still learning a lot about each other. I guess I'm just really worried about starting things with him because I don't want to push him away by doing that but I don't want to always just have a relationship where there are never issues and then not talk about them either so, that we can learn more about each other and make our relationship stronger.

I just have to learn when to pick my battles. A lot of things will piss me off or irritate me but unless its something major it doesn't really need to be brought up i guess and if I feel like I do need to talk about something that he's doing that is bothering I should try to calm down first before almost going off on him for something as little as saying goodnight to me or not.

[Black_Halloween]

I have a feeling that you're more upset that he was drunk and couldn't speak to you properly.

[kayla_622]

I think that was part of the reason too but, alcohol effects people differently and I think I'm learning how it effects him. Which I guess is a good thing. I'm not going to make him stop drinking. He's not completely out of control when he does so, I don't really think its a major issue. Like another response said...a lot of people aren't able to handle expectation very well when they're drinking and I think my bf is one of those people. I just have to not let myself get upset over dropped expectations while he's drunk.

[Dezface]

You can be irritated, but try not to make too big a deal out of it. These things happen and he wasn't doing it maliciously to hurt you. One time, I drank myself into a hole and passed out and my SO couldn't get a hold of me for 4 hours. For us, that's an extremely long time as we usually communicate all day. I woke up to messages and emails from him freaking out that something had happened to me. I felt awful. I pretty much expected him to break up with me. But he just told me he was glad I was alright and then spent the next couple of ours soothing ME. Now I'm not saying you should go that far, but understanding from him went a long ways and I realized just how good I have it. And vowed never, ever to do that again. And I haven't.

Hopefully, if you just let him know how it bothers you then maybe he can be a little more proactive in monitoring his own behavior when he's been drinking. I know a lot goes out the window when you're drinking, but if you make a conscious effort, you can usually remember to do a few key things. Steps to not piss your girlfriend off should definitely be in there