I don't know how to comfort my own SO?

[ST25]

He's able to give me incredible advice about anything that bothers me, whether it be big or small. Most of the time, his advice works really well and I'm not so confused anymore. My problem is that I'm a person who doesn't know what to say whenever he talks to me about what troubles him. It's like I have the words, but I'm at a loss for them and I don't know how to put it in a sentence. I think it doesn't help that I'm bad for choosing the right words to say as well. Right now his mother was diagnosed with MS and he's preoccupied with death and the ideas of the afterlife/beliefs in them. I'm still at a loss of what to say to comfort him, but I try. With every try, I feel like I failed.

I guess what I'm saying is that how much use am I going to be in the future if something really bad happens in his life?

[bethyylovee]

I can definitely relate. I'm great at comforting him, but not great at giving him advice. I can make him feel better no matter why he's upset, but I don't have the right words to say to help the actual problem.

BTW, our anniversaries are almost the same.

[Moon]

Comfort and nurturing doesn't always come naturally to everybody, it's not your fault. When that's the case, you CAN do it, it just takes extra time and effort to figure out what works. Don't beat yourself up over it, instead ask your guy what it is he needs from you when he's upset (do it during a calm time though), because you're having some trouble sorting it out on your own, and start from there. Then work on it, but realize it might take some time before you can do it decently. You'll be OK, you know you have some problems in this area, which makes it that much easier to fix. Good luck.

[efish1042]

My SO has the same problem. Unless it's a tangible problem that he can fix, he has a lot of trouble in this area. It bothers him a lot more than it does me, because it matters so much more to me that he is there for me. It matters that he wants to help, even if he can't. This is one of those times where it is really the thought that counts, at least for me.
But as Moon said, knowing you have this problem makes it that much easier to work on. My SO has come a long way in the time we've been dating simply because he knows better how to comfort me. Being there for him is sometimes the best you can do, and never underestimate how much just that helps.

[ST25]

Thank you so much for the advice, guys. I'll admit, I'm not trying to be the next Dr. Phil or anything, but it does make me feel useless about how he has been phenomenal with helping me with my problems and I'm so untalented in that area of our relationship. @bethyylove: Hey yeah! Our anniversaries do look pretty close! ^_^

[Amelia]

I think when comforting your so or giving advice, you sometimes think about what you would want to hear during a certain situation. When my bfs friend passed away i realised very quickly that all he wanteed to know was that i was always there for him to listen and to take his mind off what happened.

Maybe you can let him know that your there for him to listen and to provide support. Sometimes it helps to better understand the situation ie researching the illness so you can kind of understand what is happening or even researching how others have coped with a friend or family member going through the same condition. Tat might give you a brief idea on ways you can help