Unsure about visiting my girl

[lshallperish]

I've been with my girlfriend for 18months now and its weird.. I don't know how we lasted this long.. when we started to first get to know each other we found out that we didn't have anything in common.. in fact we were both from different planets all together, everything I liked she didn't, everything she liked I didn't.
She's always had social anxiety and always acted differently hence the reason she was dumped alot by other guys, I saw something different in her, she isnt those party type people, she likes to read and write as a hobbie and do other stuff that I would say is boring for me, we are both 19 years old.

We havent spoke on phone or mic because shes apparently scared still.. we cam but for the past 5months we only cammed 2-3 times.. she doesn't like going on her computer and would rather use the phone on skype which doesn't help the relationship at all. She would only speak to after you say something for example if I didn't speak she wouldn't say a word but if i asked her something or said something then her reply would be limited, she always says "okay", "lol" and just stuff that doesn't help us communicate.. I don't know what to do with her.. she has been doing this for 16months and ive dealt with it.. its hard to communicate with someone that only listens and replys with one word answers..
She is completely different when it comes to family though, shes pro-active, bubbly, out going and talks alot. We haven't met but I know she is like that.
When we dated I was a big asshole... I didn't want to get hurt so I was being heartless and I found posts on yahoo dating back 16 months ago ( we were dating for 2months then) about how she had feelings and butterflies for a ex that she didn't even talk to but didn't have any feelings for me..That was months ago but I found out now.
Right now I am more sensitive and caring, she isn't the wealthy type and poor kinda and wealthy in a way and she agreed to move here with me when we are a bit older and id look after her and help her out with her future I hope that will be the case but I don't know right now.

I told my dad about her and shown him a picture of her.. and she hasn't even told her mum yet which would be fine with it but I don't know why she hasn't said anything to her about me.. mind you me and my dad don't connect well and have never did.. yet i had the balls to tell him about her..
What do you guys think? why would she be like this?
My point is.. is it worth travelling 10500 miles to London from Sydney and wasting $5000 dollars..? I just don't know what to do anymore

[Romeo s Juliet]

seems like doesnt deal well with the distance? some people dont know how to deal with the distance, or how to manage themselves when in a long distance relationship. you say she is bubbly and different around her family, and i feel maybe she dont know how to deal with communication in a long distance relationship. hard to deal with no communication. i understand you are being stressed with this lack of communication. and honestly i dont think i would last that long with that much limited communication. i think before you go to see her, maybe talk out with her openly. tell her about your concerns. and decide if going to meet her is worth your money and time.
good luck!

[XxFranticLovexX]

My question is how do you even really know anything about her if she won't talk to you? I think you should let her know how you feel and let her know why you feel that way. You can't be in a relationship without communication, especially a long distance relationship. I would advise having at least one actual chat with her before visiting just to help break the ice.. you don't want to get there and it be completely awkward because she's nervous or doesn't know what to say.

It also stands out to me that you think the trip may be a waste of money. If you care about this girl then being able to see her and spend time with her would make the trip worth it. I would reconsider my own feelings about everything as well if I was feeling like I could put my money to a better use than visiting my SO.

[dianacakes]

I wonder how you've lasted so long in a relationship where you are the one who has to initiate the conversation and even when you do, the replies are limited to a few words. Do you yourself feel as if you've make progress in your relationship? Is this a relationship worth continuing?

If she can't be herself when she's around you, I don't see the relationship going anywhere. Long distance relationships aren't for everyone. But like the other posters have said, you need to have communication on both sides in order for a long distance relationship to work out.

Good Luck!

[lshallperish]

My question is how do you even really know anything about her if she won't talk to you? I think you should let her know how you feel and let her know why you feel that way. You can't be in a relationship without communication, especially a long distance relationship. I would advise having at least one actual chat with her before visiting just to help break the ice.. you don't want to get there and it be completely awkward because she's nervous or doesn't know what to say.

It also stands out to me that you think the trip may be a waste of money. If you care about this girl then being able to see her and spend time with her would make the trip worth it. I would reconsider my own feelings about everything as well if I was feeling like I could put my money to a better use than visiting my SO.

Maybe I said it wrong. We do talk but its only if I talk first.. I know her because I ask alot of questions and try to have a long conversation with her, the problem is I run out of stuff because when you speak to someone it leads to other topics and I dont get that with her its like putting water on sand.. it just doesnt last I run out of things to talk about

[lshallperish]

seems like doesnt deal well with the distance? some people dont know how to deal with the distance, or how to manage themselves when in a long distance relationship. you say she is bubbly and different around her family, and i feel maybe she dont know how to deal with communication in a long distance relationship. hard to deal with no communication. i understand you are being stressed with this lack of communication. and honestly i dont think i would last that long with that much limited communication. i think before you go to see her, maybe talk out with her openly. tell her about your concerns. and decide if going to meet her is worth your money and time.
good luck!

Shes had other online relationships and did just fine I guess.

[digitalfever]

Shes had other online relationships and did just fine I guess.

OK. BUT from your description she doesn't even sound like a person that is capable of having close personal relationships because they involve interaction.

[ThePiedPiper]

I agree with the others. Have you spoken to her about this issue? Talked to her about why she gives one word answers? If I'm being honest, it sounds like she's not interested and like you could be more of a placeholder than anything, especially given that she liked someone else for almost your entire relationship. I don't think it's worth pursuing, but that may be me. She doesn't sound interested at all, especially if she's able to have conversations fine with others and it isn't simply a personality trait of hers.

[Deleted]

Alright, many people have troubles dealing with the distance for some months and they are unused to spending time in front of a computer and that sort of stuff. I had those problems myself for a time and my SO had to ask questions, questions and questions. We began dating CD for around 4 months though, so he did know a lot about myself by the time he left.

18 months is A LOT though as to keep on with this communication issue. You said she's had other online relatonships before, but consider something: she also broke up. So perhaps it wasn't as "fine" as it may seem.

I'd say you reconsider your feelings. If you decide you are not that in love with her and she might not be in love with you, I'll have to suggest either taking a break or breakup.... If you decide you love her loads and you want to keep holding on to her, start having deeper conversations with her instead of going to visit her now. Wait some more and know her better. A point you could start with is asking her more about her hobbies. I know you said they are boring for you, but since you also mentionned she tends to be a little socially awkward, knowing how different your hobbies are from hers may scare her a little. I'm totally supposing, of course because I've been there myself...I am kinda the shy type and I always think people will dislike my stuff or I'll bore them to death. Also...perhaps you've done this already, but if you haven't, try reading one of her favorite books, or as her to show you some of the things she writes. You can get to know a person a lot through what she writes.

Wish you good luck!

[Tooki]

On a random note, why will your flight cost $5000? I fly to Europe to see my GF as well, and it hasn't cost me any more than $2200 (during Euro summer)

Also my GF was just as shy as yours when we first met, but she actively put in the effort to become more outgoing. It appears to me that your girl is not willing to put in a lot of effort to maintain the relationship. I wouldn't even think about flying over to see her until she does so, because you will only get disappointed and angry when hings go back to normal when you get back to Australia.

[Romeo s Juliet]

On a random note, why will your flight cost $5000? I fly to Europe to see my GF as well, and it hasn't cost me any more than $2200 (during Euro summer)

Also my GF was just as shy as yours when we first met, but she actively put in the effort to become more outgoing. It appears to me that your girl is not willing to put in a lot of effort to maintain the relationship. I wouldn't even think about flying over to see her until she does so, because you will only get disappointed and angry when hings go back to normal when you get back to Australia.

I agree with this. Even when I flew from australia to visit my bf during the christmas season, it costed me 2000$ both ways.
And u probably shouldnt be planning a visit before she initiates it, or at least talk about it, given the situation of your relationship
Good luck!