Girlfriend shows little effort.

[septerra]

I've been with my gf for 6 months. The first few months, we used to talk on the phone all the time and text all day, but the past month, she's been taking FOREVER to respond (5 hours+), and sometimes she doesn't respond at all. When i first noticed this, i expected a "sorry, i missed your call," but now she doesn't even apologize for her late responses anymore. of course, she tells me that she misses me, but she doesnt ask me how my day was or anything anymore..

It's hard to get her to call or text me on her own, even if i tell her to call me at a certain time. i really love this girl, but im frustrated because i feel like im the only one chasing. I take the time and money and money to visit her city every month, but it seems like she only shows minimal effort.

when we do talk on the phone, its nice, but after we end the phone call, i feel bad because i know that it will be at least a couple days until we talk again (cus shes hard to reach)

i thought it would be a good idea to confront her on this, but will probably make me appear..clingy. I feel like our lack of communication is making us grow apart. i really really like her and i just want some reassurance that SHE really really likes me too..

EDIT: last night, we talked and i told her i'll text her on christmas morning.. BUT this morning, I texted her "merry christmas, gorgeous." and 5 hours later, still no response

advice?

[Yaaamiii]

If you're afraid to confront her, the problem will never get better, it will only get worse. You mentioned that your lack of communication is making you grow apart but you aren't exactly communicating your needs to her? Also, the first few months of a relationship are always the best. You're trying hard to find out everything about the other person, you love it, you go out of your way to impress each other...then somewhere down the road...usually 5ish months in, one or both sides start to notice that things weren't what they used to be. It's very normal in any relationship. It's called the honeymoon stage. I say confront her about it, even if you think it'll make you seem clingy. Or else, how will she know you feel this way? She's not a mind reader. Best of luck!

[septerra]

i want to confront her about it.. it's just that i fear that it might throw her off completely (lead to an argument) i dont want her to think that im putting pressure on her. i just want her to communicate more with me, without me having to tell her to... she doesnt go out of her way to make me feel special anymore (no more jokes, observations, random texts)

LETS say we are talking on the phone. how do i bring it up? cus it seems like a serious topic in relationship

[Kiyama]

To me it also seems she got out of the honeymoon stage a bit earlier than you. It's a normal thing to happen in every relationship.
The key is communication. Talk about your worries and feelings without accusing her and see how she responds. Don't be afraid of it. It everything is still fine between you guys, a conversation that is a bit more serious than usual is nothing to worry about. A good relationship is based on good communication and you can only learn by practicing

[Yaaamiii]

i want to confront her about it.. it's just that i fear that it might throw her off completely (lead to an argument) i dont want her to think that im putting pressure on her. i just want her to communicate more with me, without me having to tell her to... she doesnt go out of her way to make me feel special anymore (no more jokes, observations, random texts)

LETS say we are talking on the phone. how do i bring it up? cus it seems like a serious topic in relationship

Well look, if you expect/hope to stay with her for a long time, the truth is, you're going to get into an argument eventually. Something will lead to one, whether started by her or by you. By the way, I know you expect her to just figure it out...but honestly, it just doesn't work that way. I wish it did but it doesn't. You need to tell her or she may never figure it out. It isn't fair for you to expect her to just know what you want from her. How would you feel if she did the same to you? You were doing something she didn't like and she expected you to just figure it out? The way she made you feel...that was the honeymoon stage. Everyone goes through it. My SO and I have been together for over 3 and a half years, and we had our honeymoon stage too. Is this your first relationship, out of curiosity?

[monkinlove]

Communication is important in a relationship. Especially LDR. If you are having trouble communicating, then it would be something you want to discuss. Just have an honest discussion. Don't be accusatory. Use "I am feeling..." "It appears to me that we are..." rather than "you" statements. etc. Just so it doesn't raise her defenses and the discussion is hopefully helpful."

I am actually worried about this in the possible relationship I may get into that is LDR. We are just friends right now, but I'm used to quick focused responsive texts and emails from friends. And she isn't as responsive as I'm used to. Nevertheless my friend is going through a lot.

Thus, it may not be about you. It could be she is going through something that she hasn't told you about yet. A difficult time at work or at school. Family issues. Etc. Who knows. But you have to have a discussion about it to find out. I hope it goes well.

-Monk

[XxFranticLovexX]

I agree with everyone else, you need to let her know how you feel. If I feel like I'm not talking to my so enough, I miss him, or we don't get enough time together I either call him or I let him know by saying something like "I miss you", "I miss talking to you", "We haven't really talked much lately", or something like that and he usually initiates contact a little more or finds a little more time to talk when I contact him (if he can). He does the same if he's wanting to talk more and I don't realize it. It's really nothing to worry about bringing up if everything else in your relationship is fine. If you aren't trying to force her into anything or messaging her a thousand times a day she has no reason to get upset with you.

[Jgui]

I don't have anything different than what others have another touched on. Communication is very important in a relationship, especially in a LDR because this is the only form of communicating both parties involve really have. I think instead of going around to find a way to confront her about your concerns, I'd just do it straight forward. The next time you talk with her just kindly bring up how you're feeling, if she truly cares for your feelings she won't get upset or judge you of being clingy.

Good luck~

[septerra]

Thanks guys. This lack of communication has given me a headache... I'm totally infatuated with my girlfriend, but i'm afraid to tell her my feelings because i think that it will make me seem like a needy/clingy boyfriend.

i will try to see if this is just all in my head.

[snow_girl]

On Xmas morning I never have my phone until around dinner. Its family time.