So many decisions..

[MissVampyxo]

I'm going to try to make this all short as possible but it's going to be tough!
The hubby and I closed the distance around June and since then I've been there in Florida. It's been stressful on and off and so much crap has happened. I ended up getting a job, that's the main good thing. Struggles with his family have created a lot of tension and stress on the relationship especially between his mother and I. (I live with him and his parents.) Currently, I've been visiting my family from December 21st-January 7th. Also recently my sister found out she was pregnant with baby number 2. From coming here so far I've been trying to keep the deciding if I want to stay home or go back to the back of my mind. I'm not that happy in Florida with him, his mother drives me crazy and i always miss my family. He makes me happy, there's no doubt about that but the stress there kills me. But I know if I choose to stay here I will obviously be heart broken, and depressed a lot. My family obviously wants me to stay here but at the same time tell me it IS going to suck here. I am happy and miserable in both places with different aspects. If I stay here I can start college which I should've done 6 months ago- and hopefully, get a job. I have everything I want and need here..other than the love of my life. If I go back there I'll miss out on things with my new niece or nephew, and obviously MY nephew is going to miss me like crazy and it's going to break my heart to see and hear him cry the day I have to leave. He loves me and he loves my SO and already asks if we're going to stay here. The SO has said before that after his school is over- he as about a year left of college- that he'd move here to Ohio. But nothing is set in stone, I've talked to him about my feelings and how I feel like even after that it might not happen and I don't want to waste my life and time waiting on him if he doesn't end up wanting to move here. But I've been with him for 6 months, through everything and I still love him just the same. (His family is a different story) I can't just throw away all of that and go back to being LDR and no cuddles, or kisses, or anything for God knows how long. I feel trapped, and I honestly just don't want to make a decision.

[lucybelle]

I would move back and start college. I think education is important and you're putting it off to be with him in a place you don't like.

[Kiyama]

I would move back and start college. I think education is important and you're putting it off to be with him in a place you don't like.

I second this. Educucation is so important! And it's not like you'd have years of ld ahead of you. It's just another year before he can move to you and time will go by so quickly. This is about your future and you're not doing anyone a favour (and by that I also mean your relationship) by staying in a place you don't like and not doing what you're supposed to do :/

[ThePiedPiper]

I second this. Educucation is so important! And it's not like you'd have years of ld ahead of you. It's just another year before he can move to you and time will go by so quickly. This is about your future and you're not doing anyone a favour (and by that I also mean your relationship) by staying in a place you don't like and not doing what you're supposed to do :/

I agree. I understand you say you can't stand another year of distance, but can you stand another year of being completely miserable, living with his parents you don't get along with, and working a job you're not happy at? At least the former stands a chance of not killing the relationship. My honest to god opinion is that you're either going to become so depressed living in a miserable situation for a year that you can't get out of bed or it's going to start seeping through the cracks of your relationship and coming out there. I get that long distance is hard - it's hard for any one of us - but you have one more year, and not even that, considering it's a school year. So from August to June, if he's going to a community college, and while that might seem like a long time of long distance, that long distance could very well be what saves your sanity and your relationship. Any relationship would start to fall apart in the situation you've described, simply because being pounded with that much stress and from that many angles... It can be very very damaging. :/ Further, you're putting your life on hold, and a year, especially, is not worth that.

[Yaaamiii]

Put your school first, or you may end up resenting him. It already sounds like you resent the situation you're in :/. If you moved back, it wouldn't be even a year left until he said he would move to you. It would just be a few months, no? Has he been saving money for the move there?

[LittleBox]

You say you can't throw everything away and sink back into an LDR again but honestly if you make yourself happy you'll have a healthier relationship with your SO. I echo everyone's sentiments about putting your education first. He's finishing off his schooling so might as well do the same and then move onto the next step. Have you talked to him about the possibility of staying in Florida and going to school? This is a decision you need to make with him and something you need to discuss face to face rather than springing on him last miniute before you are due to travel back. Figure out timelines and such so that you both have something firm to work towards

[Sora1101]

I agree. I understand you say you can't stand another year of distance, but can you stand another year of being completely miserable, living with his parents you don't get along with, and working a job you're not happy at? At least the former stands a chance of not killing the relationship. My honest to god opinion is that you're either going to become so depressed living in a miserable situation for a year that you can't get out of bed or it's going to start seeping through the cracks of your relationship and coming out there. I get that long distance is hard - it's hard for any one of us - but you have one more year, and not even that, considering it's a school year. So from August to June, if he's going to a community college, and while that might seem like a long time of long distance, that long distance could very well be what saves your sanity and your relationship. Any relationship would start to fall apart in the situation you've described, simply because being pounded with that much stress and from that many angles... It can be very very damaging. :/ Further, you're putting your life on hold, and a year, especially, is not worth that.

A million times this, it's better to be LD and happy in your relationship than be miserable which will negatively affect your relationship and yourself. Why not get a bit ahead in life rather than become depressed and stressed? A year isn't all that long you'll see, not only will you be in a happier place but your relationship will become less work and more pleasure.

[Jgui]

I'll have to ask if you're actually married? Because you said hubby which means husband.. because if you're married then it makes it harder to just stay in Ohio while he's in Florida... I mean you're married! However, if you're just in a relationship then I agree with the rest of the posters, move back home and finish your education which is more important than anything. Granted it will mean you're LD again but it's I think it's better than being CD, miserable, and unhappy... You said he has 1 more year left before he graduates college, then he can move to Ohio and be CD again.

Another option would be moving out of his parent's place and get your own place with your SO. That way you're not dealing with his parents and you can be with you SO in Florida.

[digitalfever]

Let's be honest: no matter which option you choose you'll have to make serious sacrifices. It really depends what you want out of your life, relationship and future. I'd consider what your goals are, the actions you need to take to achieve those goals and go from there.

[MissVampyxo]

It's just, even if I do move back I WILL also be miserable and unhappy.. I may go into college but he'll be gone, and busy most of the time, and lonely. I'd be with my family but after he leaves and all the excitement goes back down my family will all go back to being to themselves. Nobody really spends time together other than my nephew with everyone else. I may be in college but everything else will be to shit. And no we're not married, I just got used to calling him that. My family keeps sending me mixed messages because they keep saying at least in Florida I have a job waiting for me. But I know when I DO go back I'm going to be so depressed and crying all the time I'm not going to want to work! The main reason I'm so happy here right now is because I have him with me and we can do things together. My family doesn't do much together besides me and my sister might go somewhere once in a while. I just feel like if we'd break up it'd have everything settled. I'm so sick of all this stress I go through with the relationship, and if we do go back there's no way we could afford our own place and if we do- his parents took OUR car so we'd have to take the bus to even get around.

What is making it worse too is because we never know what's going to happen, he SAYS after school he'll move here and promised me but what if I wait all this time for him to move here to Ohio and doesn't end up doing it? Before I moved down there months before off and on he'd consider moving here and would get my hopes up but then change his mind about it. If he doesn't end up moving here I don't know what I'll do, one things for certain we more than likely won't be together at the end of it.

[Tooki]

We all need to deal with the uncertainties that a relationship brings.

Pardon my harsh tone, but it seems like you can't commit to a decision. I completely understand that it is currently a living hell in Florida, but you paint a similarily bleak situation if you move back home.

Given what you said, I think that you should move back home. The living situation won't get better in Florida, yet you could possibly improve your overall wellbeing back home. You also need to go to school, which is more viable in Ohio. We all need to make sacrifices, and it seems to me that moving back home will improve things more than staying in Florida. We are also here to support you .

On the other hand, could you possibly get your own place with your SO in Florida? Presumably he could get a full time job when he graduates next year, plus you can work part time while you study. How much better would your living situation be in Ohio if your SO needs to live with you?

If you do stay in Florida, you can easily visit your family as often as you can. You also have resources like Skype to keep in touch with your family.

(Food for thought)

[MissVampyxo]

We all need to deal with the uncertainties that a relationship brings.

Pardon my harsh tone, but it seems like you can't commit to a decision. I completely understand that it is currently a living hell in Florida, but you paint a similarily bleak situation if you move back home.

Given what you said, I think that you should move back home. The living situation won't get better in Florida, yet you could possibly improve your overall wellbeing back home. You also need to go to school, which is more viable in Ohio. We all need to make sacrifices, and it seems to me that moving back home will improve things more than staying in Florida. We are also here to support you .

On the other hand, could you possibly get your own place with your SO in Florida? Presumably he could get a full time job when he graduates next year, plus you can work part time while you study. How much better would your living situation be in Ohio if your SO needs to live with you?

If you do stay in Florida, you can easily visit your family as often as you can. You also have resources like Skype to keep in touch with your family.

(Food for thought)

He doesn't have any money.. he was working with me at a place where we got a job for seasonal, and they decided to keep me but didn't keep him. I would be working part time and if he were to get a job it would also be part time. He has no savings, and what had also bothered me about living there is his mother would ask for money every few days and it would bug the hell out of me so he gives his mom the money - all of his paychecks sometimes and gets mad when I get mad at him about it. So there'd be no way currently for us to get our own place.
In Ohio? It would be SO much easier if he'd move here. My parents already own their house, my sister lives next door in her own house and my parents are building a small cabin-like house BETWEEN our two houses for US. They also offered to put this house in my name and do plan on giving me their house. We have my dad's truck, my car, my other truck as our vehicles so have no problem with that. We wouldn't really need jobs because we have everything we need here. Though he obviously has to go through school- I'd give anything for him to move here now.


I just don't see how I'm gonna handle this all over, just not being able to hold him or kiss him or anything like that since I've been with him for 6 months now and waiting probably over a year for us to close the distance if he comes here.


He is a super momma's boy and when I do mention him coming here he talks about finding a way to get his parents to move here too and it pisses me off. When we talk into detail I just want to honestly call it quits with him because he's super attatched to his mother!


But- anyways, it'd be better for everyone if he'd move here. His parents aren't financially well off and if he'd move here they could get a smaller home and stop paying for the car insurance, etc and be well off. My family in Ohio can support him just fine and we have everything we need here.

[efish1042]

I say, move back home. Start college. and have him move up with you as soon as he can. It's only a year. You can do it. There's an end date and its not so far away. It makes no sense to put your life on hold living in a house with people that don't like you. If you move back, it gives him incentive to keep to his word. I'm not sure why you would have made the move down so early anyway, but then again my SO and I have always said that school comes first. I was lucky and went to a school near my SO. That's my two cents.

[Tooki]

In that case, you need to be really upfront to him and repeat what you said to me .