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**fcbella** · January 28, 2010, 10:05 PM

I'm thinking back to a past relationship when I was muchhh younger. It went from living in the same town to him traveling the world after graduating med school. Being so young, I had the fairytale going on in my head... marry a dr, have a family, etc. etc.. So I was head over heels in 'lust' with this guy.

Anywhoo, thinking back to how he broke up with me. It was over msn while our webcams were running. I cried my eyes out on video, but it helped with the closure aspect. He told me straight up what he was feeling and how it couldn't work. There was no way I could deny it! He told me as 'face to face' as you can be in a ldr.. and after my week of grieving, I was over it.

If you have webcams, maybe consider this? At least it is more direct.. and maybe he will then see how honest you are being? If he starts becoming far too emotional for what the situation calls for... then you can always just shut off your cam, and leave it at that. I'm really hoping for your sake he will take this as maturely as he can.

Good luck.. break up's are always so hard on both parties, but if you know this isn't the type of relationship for you, then you are both better off. Distance isn't for everyone.

**lunamea** · January 28, 2010, 10:08 PM

Whoa, that's really a difficult thing to give advice to. I also don't know how long you've been in a relationship, that matters, too, I think. At any rate, I'd suggest being as honest and straightforward about it as possible (meaning no lies about moving or beating about the bush). As you know what you have to expect, you can prepare for that. I think an email is quite impersonal and it's not the right medium if his parents will get to see it. I'd suggest in person if you're meeting up, or at least over the phone. It will be hard for you, but remember that it will be harder for him. If you're certain about this (as you seem to be), be adamant but gentle, make him try to see your point of view. I really don't know what else to say, I've had friends whose SOs were that type, too, and threatened to kill themselves when my friends tried to break up with them, but I guess you can just hope that this is only his initial reaction and his family/friends will be there for him to get over you.

**MadMolly** · January 28, 2010, 10:12 PM

If I was being broken up to, I'd prefer an email, because it makes it more final and I wouldn't know what to say if it was a phonecall. At least an email would make me think "oh, it's definitely over, he thought about it enough to write it down" instead of me interrupting with questions and all sorts. I prefer a clean break if you will. It's how I'd do it in reverse. Make sure you word it so he knows that there is no ifs or buts, it's definitely over, because the worst thing for someone being broken up with is thinking there's still a chance. This will be sooo hard but you have to do it for both of your longterm happinesses. I wish you and him the best of luck getting through this. *hug*

**eccentricmazzie** · January 28, 2010, 10:16 PM

Ah, thanks guys. I know that I want to end it, I'm just so scared to actually initiate it. But I know I have to do it, so I will. Thanks for your comments though

edit--Oh, btw, we've been in a relationship for 7 months. I live in America, and he lives in the UK.

**Frank** · January 28, 2010, 10:35 PM

I have heard that you need to come up with definite reasons that can not be argued with when you are faced with this situation. When you feel that the guy (in this case) will not "accept" the break-up, you have to almost convince him that it is over. One of the biggest things that someone can't dispute is that you just aren't in love with them anymore. If you focus on the distance, then he will say that the distance won't matter in a while, he will try harder, he will do more webcam, etc. But that you don't love him, well, that is your feeling. Just a thought.
Also, once you say it is over, well, it is over. I know I read before in a men's magazine that you only have to be on the phone with him for a little while after you say its over. Then, can maybe talk to him a week later just to help him come to grips with the situation. But only if you want.
I guess that sounds harsh. But, hey, your life. You do not have to be unhappy. (I tried finding this article, couldn't find it, sorry).

**uk_girl** · January 29, 2010, 07:10 AM

I think the whole webcam idea is a good one.

I've always said to my boyfriend - if you break up with me, I won't be able to accept it unless its face to face (f2f). But that's feasible for us as we are both in the UK.

If not, then I'd definitely prefer to do it over webcam, as that's as close as you're going to get to f2f over the great big ocean!

Good luck - be firm in your approach but be as gentle as you can, like don't say anything too personal or bitchy which I am sure you won't.

Let us know how it goes hun x

**aggie** · January 29, 2010, 07:45 AM

I agree with all the above comments ... webcam would be really good. also, it can't be done like 'you know what, its over'... you have to convince him that you HAVE thought about it and that it is your final decision.
as for not letting him to make you change your mind and put it off for another week/month ... just have a list of your arguments, things you don't like about this relationship, that you can look at while talking to him and remind yourself what are the reasons you are breaking up. reasons he cant change obviously.

the part about feelings that Frank mentioned is good idea too. feelings change all the time... and they do happen to fade away sometimes.

you always deserve to be happy!
and never stay in a relationship that is making only one person satisfied....

good luck!

**Rach321** · January 29, 2010, 10:23 AM

As everyone else mentioned, try to be as specific as possible in your reasons. I've never really broken up with anyone that I had a serious relationship with, but I have been broken up with. The worst part about it was not really understanding why the person was making the decision they were making. When you show that you've really thought about it and have reasons for your actions, it helps the person being broken up with to see that there really aren't other options.

**kteire** · June 24, 2011, 11:31 PM

I'd say anything but email. Next to a text dump, I think that's the worst way you can break up with someone. Breaking up with someone sucks, but taking the easy way out by using an email dump is just not fair to the other person. If you can do it over webcam, as suggested by lots of other people, that'd be ideal.

**Engel** · June 25, 2011, 06:03 PM

this is a couple of months old thread, i guess she already broke up with him

**BabyKirsty** · June 26, 2011, 01:56 AM

Breakups are hard to do. When I broke up with my ex he cried and had an asthma attack D: not to scare you. But the his family and friends WILL take care of him and eventually he will move on. YOu have to cut off all contact though or it will just be harder for him. He is going to hate you he is going to try and win you back. But if you are 100 percent sure you have to leave. And you have to explain why and instead of blaming him, blame yourself. Hopefully that makes sense because it comes down to that you aren't happy in your situation and you need change. Or he will beg and say he will change and that makes it even harder. And then tell him you hope he has a happy life and you are sorry it has to be this way and cut off contact. And it will take a toll on you too. Because I loved my ex but I wasn't in love with him anymore but to see him cry broke my heart and I seemed like a cold heartless bitch at first and he called me so to his friends but I was ok with that. Because I'm a good person deep down and did what was best for him.

**kteire** · June 26, 2011, 02:11 AM

Originally posted by Engel View Post

this is a couple of months old thread, i guess she already broke up with him

Oh whoops, I didn't notice that when I posted

Just saw a recently reply and assumed it was a newer board... Sorry lol

**adielovesshelbs** · June 26, 2011, 03:29 PM

i think you should just break up with him in the way that makes you comfortable. if you dont want to break up with him on the phone then send him the email. my so and i both suggest definately dont do it in person, your so sounds kinda crazy. think about whats best for you at this point.

**Engel** · June 26, 2011, 03:32 PM

Originally posted by kteire View Post

Oh whoops, I didn't notice that when I posted

Just saw a recently reply and assumed it was a newer board... Sorry lol

not criticizing, lol
just said it for people to stop giving advice to her, because i think she doesnt even come to the forum anymore for the ammount of posts she had

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I want to end it..advice please!

I want to end it..advice please!

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