I feel so petty...

[efish1042]

I hate this about myself and I fight it as hard as I can, but I'm jealous that my SO comes from money. It actually hasn't bothered me in quite a while.

My SO's parents and (most of) his extended family have money. Not like the Kennedy's or Vanderbilt's, but enough that they could build a house, pay for their sons' food and mortgage (they live together in a house... that their parents bought for them), and travel frequently in a recession and not feel much of a pinch for it.

My family is not so lucky. My dad was out of a job for a year and a half supporting my family and my older brother's family. We lived for over a year on disability checks and my mother's low salary at a desk job. Now I'm in college, but since my dad had had his new job for just over a year before I filed FAFSA, I received no gov. aid. Things are looking up for us now and my brother is finally starting to manage his finances a little better, but I'm envious.

I just learned that not only is my SO taking a trip with his family to Jamaica from the 1st to 7th of January, but they are also going to Colorado over spring break to ski. They just bought all new cold weather gear for the trip. The only reason they didn't go to London for the Olympics is his brother had school. I wish I wasn't jealous, but I am. I'm not sure if I'm more upset that it is taking away time that I could "vacation" with my SO (more like spend time with no obligations) or that my family can't do the same... primarily because my older brother is a selfish, irresponsible prick.
It's petty, I know. I'm grateful for everything I have and I know so many have it so much worse than I, but... I guess it doesn't meant that I don't wish for better. Especially when my SO unknowingly rubs his family's wealth in my face. I wonder if I should tell him...?

Um... thoughts, I guess?

[mllebamako]

When you say that your SO unknowingly rubs it in your face is he like bragging about it or just simply telling you about their vacations, etc?

My SO and I are the opposite of this, as in my family has some money and he comes from a family that didn't have much money. I don't really think there is much of a solution here but to just accept it. The inequality will probably always be there and if you let it get to you every time, you are going to be miserable. It's normal to be envious to a certain point but don't let it eat you up.

[Black_Halloween]

I have a feeling that he's not rubbing it on your face but you're taking offence and you're jealous to the fact that his family has money and your family doesn't, which if i'm going to be honest, is a bitchy thing to think. It's not his fault that he was born into money and its not your fault you weren't.

He loves you for you, not your money but you're mad at him him because he has money? That's just twisted dude. Get over it or get over him.

[Tooki]

I have a feeling that he's not rubbing it on your face but you're taking offence and you're jealous to the fact that his family has money and your family doesn't, which if i'm going to be honest, is a bitchy thing to think. It's not his fault that he was born into money and its not your fault you weren't.

He loves you for you, not your money but you're mad at him him because he has money? That's just twisted dude. Get over it or get over him.

I have to agree with BH here.

I get the feeling that your SO is only telling you about what his family is doing, which is normal for any person. My GF has a somewhat similar experience with myself, because I'm an average Australian and she is a not so well off Estonian (which is like a very poor Australian). I highly doubt that your SO is telling you what he does to make you feel bad. It feels like you are taking this personally because of your current situation.

You really need to tell your SO about this, because he probably doesn't realise that it is making you feel like this. He should understand.

[efish1042]

I didn't mean to say he is rude about it. He just gets excited, telling me things and sometimes it gets to a point where I think "I get it." I have accepted it for the most part. Like I said, this hasn't bothered me in a long time. It just hit again with this news and I'm trying to move past it.

mellebamako- I think you're right. There is no solution other than to accept it and try not to get upset over it when it becomes obvious.

BH- I'm sorry you feel that way about it. I think you didn't understand what I meant. There is no fault here. I'm glad for him money isn't a problem for his family. I just wish I could say the same. I'm not mad at him for anything. If I were, then your advice would be spot on, so thank you for that, but I believe you misunderstood.

[dglynn77]

As for him rubbing it in your face, I'm sure it is totally unconscious!

For example: my SO was without a job for several months. He got to where he had NO money, and little to eat. (He refused to take anything from me!!! That was stressful!) He was constantly searching for jobs, but no luck. I worked very hard to encourage him, but at several points I found myself (stupidly!) mentioning something I'd bargained for that day that I was excited about, or mentioning going out to eat with friends here, when he couldn't afford to do any of that! I was not trying to rub it in his face, I was just sharing my day and what was going on in my world. He never complained about it, but I felt so horrible when I realized what I'd done.

I'm pretty sure it's the same thing. When you have less, I think you are more conscious of everything that is said, and perhaps you are taking it personally. Money is not a bad thing, but it is terrible if you let it come between you and your SO. Why wouldn't he want to tell you what is going on in his life? He thinks that you will be just as happy for him as he is!

[digitalfever]

Hmmm..., I think it's normal to feel a pang of jealousy anytime someone has something that we wish we had. It's just a given that you'd want the same things for yourself and your family.

I'd say if anything allow yourself that moment of jealousy and then remind yourself of the things that you do have!

[ST25]

I'm sure he doesn't mean to rub his wealth into your face, but if it is really bothering you then just let him know your concerns. On the other hand though, keep in mind that it's not solely his wealth, but most likely the money that his family's (mother, father, etc) created, so don't feel too bad.

I can definitely relate on a level though. My SO's planning on taking a trip to Spain in his grandparents' villa and it just makes me think 'Damn, wish I could go to a villa for vacation.' But then I realize that it's not his money but his grandparents' money and I don't feel as jealous.

[oxytocinbite]

I actually have the same problem you have, my mother has been losing jobs and she finally got a pretty good one. We are all on food stamps, which I don't mind but whenever my SO talks about going places and doing things...I always get jealous as well and I feel bad about it.

I am sure you will be okay and you will just have to live with it but at least you know there are other people that have a similar problem to you so don't ever feel selfish. You should probably not tell him because then he may not want to tell you these sort of things and I am sure you like having him talk to you about whatever he wants .. but just my thoughts.

[ams.201220]

My family is actually pretty wealthy, whereas my SO's dad is behind on rent and they had to move into their aunt's because they got evicted. He told me that I can't keep expecting him to send things because he doesn't have that luxury that I do. And after he told me, I started becoming aware of our conversations more. And I wasn't rubbing things in his face, but when I talked about vacations and other things, he would just say cool or nothing at all. But now that we talked about it, I get it and he gets it. So definitely bring it up.