Having a Break...Advice!

[ams.201220]

Ok. So it's just gotten to a point where SO and I need to take a small break. Not a break up or a break where we stop talking to each other, just one where we can do things we each want to do. We've both been absorbed in each other and haven't been able to do things for ourselves. Except, I have no idea what to do, or how to bring it up. Normally my relationships just end, there's not cooling period. Any advice is totally needed!

I think I wasn't too descriptive enough before. I'm the only one at college and he works 12 hours a day, five days a week. By Saturday, he sleeps in until whenever. We don't talk during the week and it's very seldom that we call each other on the weekends because he's normally just tired and wants to have time away from everyone. I'm swamped in school work, medical practice, and work. On top of the financial issues are stressing me out. There's a three hour time difference. And by suffocating I mean that we yell at each other because of our own issues. He's tired of the pining and I'm tired of the lack of time for each other. You can say that I keep myself busy, but I'm already a full time student, working a job, on the swim team, and I've picked up baking. I can't possibly be any busier. Secondly, I make a great deal of time, whereas he can't. It's not that I don't love him, but I'm tired and he's tired. We're going to talk about it, but I just don't know how to go about saying it.

[Kristin91]

I'm not sure what you mean... why can't you do things that you want to do without having a break? Shouldn't a relationship bring out the best in both of you? So if you want to do something alone or just something for you without your SO I think you should do it. I don't think you need to take a break to do something like that.

[ams.201220]

I'm not sure what you mean... why can't you do things that you want to do without having a break? Shouldn't a relationship bring out the best in both of you? So if you want to do something alone or just something for you without your SO I think you should do it. I don't think you need to take a break to do something like that.

We're suffocating each other. Me especially, I'm really emotionally attached. And we're both getting frustrated about trying to find time in the middle of school and work that we keep getting mad each other. And we're just both getting upset at the other because of it.

[Kristin91]

I see... My SO and I suffocate each other once in a while too. We've been doing it more since we became CD just because we're together soo much. Thankfully one of us can just say "hey do you mind if I spend some time by myself tomorrow?" and the other one is cool with it. Maybe just try something like that. Or find a hobby or a class you can take one night a week or something just so you have something just for you.

[gamer94]

I agree with the post above. I get what your saying about being absorbed into each other, but there has to be a limit.Like today for example me & my SO haven't talked at all, we've both just been doing whatever(mostly videogames), but he's gonna call in about an hour, always does. Point being yes it's nice to take a day or two to hang out with friends & whatever else, but whoever your with shouldn't have a problem with that. Dan(my bf) did for the first... 2-3 months we were dating & i finally told him that i'm gonna do what i wanna do & he dropped it since. As long as it's not anything that would jeopardize the relationship(obviously cheating, breaking promises, etc) it shouldn't be a problem.

Just put your foot down about it. A relationship isn't being so absorbed with each other you forget to spend time with the people around you, don't forget that. Yea, I know it's nice talking to the person you're dating all the time, but there has to be a day or two where you get out of the house & hang out with friends or something. Good Luck.

[ams.201220]

I'm not sure what you mean... why can't you do things that you want to do without having a break? Shouldn't a relationship bring out the best in both of you? So if you want to do something alone or just something for you without your SO I think you should do it. I don't think you need to take a break to do something like that.

We're suffocating each other. Me especially, I'm really emotionally attached. And we're both getting frustrated about trying to find time in the middle of school and work that we keep getting mad each other. And we're just both getting upset at the other because of it.

[gamer94]

Oh and about the school stuff. Assuming both of you are college?

I just got done with my first semester, I told Dan going into it I wasn't sure how much we'd be able to talk because of homework & classes. We were both nervous about it, but in the end it worked out. We talked pretty much anytime I wasn't doing homework or in class(which was a lot more than i though we'd be able to). We talked on Skype Friday & Saturdays nights, sometime Sunday nights for the past 5 months. It was rough at first though, because we were used to talking nonstop, but we got used to it & now that i'm about to start my next semester we both know what to expect. Just make sure you put time and effort into actually having conversations, maybe just send an "I love you" text message or something just so he knows your thinking about him.

Basically? Just make time for each other.

[ThePiedPiper]

We're suffocating each other. Me especially, I'm really emotionally attached. And we're both getting frustrated about trying to find time in the middle of school and work that we keep getting mad each other. And we're just both getting upset at the other because of it.

If you're not going to stop talking to one another or take some time to date other people, it's not a break, so I probably would not approach him saying you want one or you're going to give him the wrong idea and could potentially provoke an argument or unnecessary anxiety without meaning to.

If you're both suffocating one another then the best thing to do is to stop suffocating each other. Let him know you feel like your frustrations are arising out a lack of personal time and then make a point to... well, have personal time. If sticking to it is an issue, have a set time every day that you talk to one another, say 5pm. Any time before 5pm and you can't speak to one another. Sure, at first you may ultimately end up doing nothing but sitting around pining for him but eventually you're going to want to fill that time with other, more productive things that don't involve either one of your emotional dependency on the other. The only other thing I can think to suggest is look at a community center or at your university for extra-curriculars. See what P.E. classes are offered or what activities they have (for example, mine offers discounted hiking and kayaking trips, rockclimbing, etc.) and sign up for what peaks your interest; alternatively, sign up for something new that intrigues you. Fill your schedule with something other than school and your boyfriend and you'll gradually start to find what it means to have a balance.