So my bf and I live two states apart. Which is about an hour difference in time zone wise, we have been dating for over a year. We try to see each other at least once a month but its kinda hard to do so because he's jobless. He's a very nice guy but he's not very expressive at all. I sent him a card just to cheer him up and he never let me know that he received or said anything of it. I even signed it "Love..." I knew he was not expressive at all soo I didn't make a big deal of him saying anything like about him not saying "I love you" or "I miss you". I talked to him about how I have no assurance in this relationship. So he told me that he does want me and cares for me and he is trying but doesn't mention that he loves me. Its kinda frustrating, its been over a year and he has yet to say it. I dunno, how I should bring this up to him?
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Some people have difficulty verbally expressing affection. If that's his case, maybe ask that he express it in the best way he knows possible and is comfortable with. It may not be a direct "I love you" like you want, but it would certainly be better than the 'silence' on his end. A few guys tend to assume you know they care about you and thus don't say it or express it because they feel they don't have to, but from what you said that doesn't sound like the case. You might try asking him if he's nervous about it or if he still isn't sure how he feels, and try to be supportive with whatever answer he gives. Ask that he do small things like perhaps an e-card or sending you youtube videos that remind him of you. Anything that wouldn't cost money or much money (mailing real cards doesn't take that much and he could even make one on the computer and print it to send) but that wouldn't have him feeling pressured to say what he may or may not feel or know how to rightfully express. Everyone expresses it differently and at different times. I know if my SO hadn't said "I love you" first, I never would have said it even though I felt it perhaps before he did.
I know it's stressful. You just have to ask he communicate with you more clearly and at least say thank you for anything you send so you know he received it and the system didn't lose it. -
A year seems like a long time to not say "I love you" so I assume that he shows you in other ways
I think you should have a talk with him about what he needs from you to show him that you care and then you can tell him what you need from him to know that he loves you.
LOL, it reminds me of a recent quarral with my SO. He called me first thing one morning and was in the mood to talk (cough) sexy. When I made a sarcastic remark in return, he blew up and said that I didn't get his sense of humor and that he was tired of us always fighting and that I just didn't "get him". For once, lol, HE overracted and I had to explain to him that at 6 am, what I needed to hear was how much he loves me and misses me and how I am the most wonderful woman in the world and that if HE did not know that about me, then perhaps maybe he didn't get me either. I was not mad at him and he was disappointed in himself.
The point is, men and women sometimes need to be clear on what their needs and desires are rather than assuming that their partners should "just know". We have different love languages. It might be a fun activity to find out what each of your languages is!Comment
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Agreed! time zones can be a challenge!Comment
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Thanks Ladies! Its kinda encouraging to hear that I'm not the only one going through this.
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Hey, thought I'd throw my two cents worth in. My SO and I have been seeing each other for over a year, MOST of it LD. He's never said he loves me except once in a sort of joking way (that SO does NOT count LOL). But he shows me he cares in so many ways. He remembers to ask how my family and I are if I've mentioned we've been ill, he lets me know when certain books or movies we both dig a lot are being released, he relies on my for help and even sometimes for a sounding board. He sent me some awesome Xmas gifts and he's always there if I let him know I need to talk.
My point here is that not everyone gets to the love point in a certain amount of time. Even in a years time! Some are just very cautious about using such a powerful word. But they often will SHOW you how much you mean to them in the little ways. Look for and count those, I bet you find he does love you more than that little word could ever express.Comment
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I read about a couple, they are now married, and the husband still has never said those three words. It would personally bother me too and I'm glad that my SO is not like that, but it's true that if he shows is longing and love through words and actions... there's nothing to worry about. Maybe he just needs more time.Comment
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My boyfriend and I do that with each other xD. Neither of us say "I miss you", and we say "I love you" maybe once before bed. We already know we miss the hell out of each other, what's the point of saying it over and over again? It just gets depressing. It might be his issue too, because for some people it's depressing to think about how much you miss someone. Might as well forget about it and enjoy what time you do have together or leave it to discuss more important issues.
The other phrase...sorta the same. We love each other, we know it, no need to say it too often. We're the type of people that say it with a kiss or an accidental strangling caused by snuggling (or anal xD. >.>...<.<...>.>...). Then there's my issue with saying it. It's so bad I can't even tell my own mother I love her. I just don't say it. I don't like to. I just expect my loved ones to know they're loved. They would if they payed attention D:<!
As to how to deal with it, talk about it again. Ask him why exactly he's uncomfortable saying it. If he doesn't know, he doesn't know. Some people just don't know why they don't like to. I suggest you don't make him say anything. Let him do it on his own. Pay attention to his actions as well. Just because he doesn't say the exact words, it doesn't mean he doesn't try to express it in other forms. I know it's hard to do that with distance XP. I'll give an example for what I did. Enrique bought a webcam, so I did too @_@. I send him a text saying "Fuck you! This shit better be worth the money I spend D:<!" It was my way of saying "I really miss you, and I'd like to actually see you more often. Since we can't do it in person, let's do it this way."
I'm not sure at all if this helps. I'm just speaking from more the prospective as the one who has trouble expressing feelings.
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