Oh.. Is this bad?

[septerra]

UGH.. I called my GF of 6 months tonight (we haven't talked in 3 days!)

Despite the fact that we haven't talked in a few days, we ended up only talking for 10 minutes...


At the beginning of the convo, she sounded excited!! She was like "heyyy babeeee!!

And, so the conversation started, like "small talk, new years eve, a few laughs"

Then... towards the end of the conversation. It went something like this:

ME: "i miss you like crazy, and that i'm glad we made it into 2013".
HER: "aww thats cute...."
awkward pause..
ME: Whatcha been up to?
HER: "Stuffff." in a sarcastic tone.
ME: Good answer. Nah really babe, Whats been going on with you? haha!
HER: Just stuff
ME: Cool. Stuff is good. lol
HER: I'm just looking up some movies on the computer
ME: Awesome, blah blah blah blah
HER: blah blah
*awkward pause.
ME: You know, I'm gonna see you next Saturday
HER: yeahh.
ME: blah blah blah
HER: Hey, I'm gonna go watch a movie now.. so we'll talk later...
ME: Alright later.


Problem is, at the beginning of the conversation she seemed happy to talk, but then minutes later, she just kinda sounded disinterested.

What's actually making me anxious is that she ended the phone conversation because she wanted to see a movie on her computer.. like the movie is more important than me! I feel like shit, because she's an amazing girl, but recently, it seems like she's actually losing interesting.

Is it time that I ask her how she feels about the relationship? I know that conversations get dull, but this is just NOT cool.

I need some advice!!

[MattDavies86]

I completely understand why your feeling the way you are mate, I would feel a bit "off" after that too, but better to actually talk to her, ask her if she is feeling that way or not, like you said, conversations can get dull, maybe you need to find new things to do, or new things to talk about? It's hard I agree lol, it's the same with me, but talking on the phone is the only contact I can get with my SO, so options are limited.

But definitely talk to her about it, and if you need more help after that conversation come back here, always more than happy to chat!

I read somewhere on here today about the "honeymoon phase" (Kayla posted it somewhere) maybe your SO has just come out of this phase and settled in the relationship, which isn't a bad thing! I think I'm at that stage myself now, but I know I still love my SO, but I also make the effort despite that.

Anyway, I'm probably talking crap but hope it helps in someway hah

[Kiyama]

It sounds like she was in a mood. Maybe something that happened during the conversation upset her or she simply had a bad day. Just ask her the next time you talk. I sure everything is fine

[septerra]

Even though it's probably best that I don't worry, I have a gut feeling that she's losing interest in me; which is making me feel anxious. I want to be reassured that she still cares about me, but based on her recent behavior, it's making me question everything in the relationship.

[Kiyama]

Have you talked to her about your worries?
Communication is the key in every relationship but for ldrs it's even more important because that is all you get most of the time. I hope things will work out for you!

[temporaryuser]

is it common for you to go days without communication? had things been good up until this talk?
I know I dont always feel like talking to my SO, but we text, and its easier for me to put my thoughts out that way
Approach the subject lightly - I was just wondering how you feel about our relationship....type thing. Then give her the time to answer, without pushing or putting words in her mouth. And be prepared for whatever she has to say without getting defensive.

[Kristin91]

I don't think she's losing interest, I think she's bored with the lack of an exciting conversation. Every couple goes through this stage where it feels like you know everything you want to know about your SO so you just stop talking about that kind of stuff. When my SO and I went through this I googled "Questions to ask your boyfriend/girlfriend" and I'd pick one at random and we'd spend entire nights talking about the most random stuff, but it was fun because we got to learn new things about each other!

[septerra]

Isn't getting bored and losing interest pretty much the same thing?

I mean, we don't even argue, so there's nothing to look forward to; no drama. I believe that girls want drama, and whilst the honeymoon stage was the most amazing experience ever, now its just dull.

UPDATE: Anyways, I called her today, and it went alright, though a bit short because she was on the bus. She said she'd call me back later, but she didn't call me back. Now I'm just trying to figure out if this relationship is at "the point of no return" or if this is just a normal relationship thing. In any case, I REALLY like her a lot, but this hurts like hell. I'm considering breaking up with her because I'm emotionally drained, I find that long-distance relationships generally aren't healthy.

But in any case, I just need to know how she feels

[Kiyama]

I mean, we don't even argue, so there's nothing to look forward to; no drama. I believe that girls want drama, and whilst the honeymoon stage was the most amazing experience ever, now its just dull.

First of all.... no! Not all girls like drama. I'd be running up the hills if someone caused that deliberately.
Secondly, it sounds like you're bored yourself and unhappy with the distance and the relationship. Ldrs aren't easy and it takes a lot of strength and communication to get through it. If it isn't the right person, then it will most certainly not work out. Ask yourself how much you love this girl and if she is worth waiting for.

[sewbama]

Isn't getting bored and losing interest pretty much the same thing?

I mean, we don't even argue, so there's nothing to look forward to; no drama. I believe that girls want drama, and whilst the honeymoon stage was the most amazing experience ever, now its just dull.

UPDATE: Anyways, I called her today, and it went alright, though a bit short because she was on the bus. She said she'd call me back later, but she didn't call me back. Now I'm just trying to figure out if this relationship is at "the point of no return" or if this is just a normal relationship thing. In any case, I REALLY like her a lot, but this hurts like hell. I'm considering breaking up with her because I'm emotionally drained, I find that long-distance relationships generally aren't healthy.

But in any case, I just need to know how she feels

I don't like drama. I'm a non-confrontational woman. So, we do exist.

Why would you consider breaking up with a woman you really like because you are concerned she doesn't like you without even asking? That is just... crazy. Why don't you talk about it? Have your visit? Don't bail because you are having a hint of concern about something. If you need to know how she feels ASK HER!!! And as far as long distance relationships being unhealthy, that is a slap in the face to so many of us here who found the love of our life yet cannot be there in person. Every relationship has troubles, and long distance relationships are really no different. I honestly believe LDRs are often MORE healthy because they force you to pay attention to the important things like communication and trust without relying on touch or physical things and being there in person.

[Malaga]

I mean, we don't even argue, so there's nothing to look forward to; no drama. I believe that girls want drama

This is the crap various 'pick up artists' spout, don't buy into it. 'Boring' and 'no drama' aren't the same thing. Most successful long term relationships are fairly drama-free, because drama is emotionally draining. So this disproves the 'girls need drama' theory. In most successful long-term relationships people don't have meaningful conversations every day and they aren't always 100% in the mood for talking with each other. But they feel comfortable with each other to accept these times if they don't happen too often.

If you're stuck in a rut with conversations, you could try those 1000 questions for couples to try to get to know each other better and inspire some conversation. And there are days when talking is an effort for whatever reason, but that doesn't have to mean you can't do things together. There are plenty of activities you could do together over the distance. It may not be quite like the real thing but it does wonders in bringing you closer.

Also, whilst long distance is the part most of us hate about our relationships, that alone doesn't make them unhealthy. If that's your attitude, it's no wonder your LDR is deteriorating. Change your attitude, accept this as it is right now and make the best of it. If you show initiative and a positive mindset, she might respond and your relationship could easily develop into something stronger. If you think of it as something bad and doomed, then you can't blame her for giving up as well.

[Kristin91]

Isn't getting bored and losing interest pretty much the same thing?

I find that long-distance relationships generally aren't healthy.

I don't think they're the same thing. To me getting bored is just that. Bored of talking about and doing the same things day after day. Losing interest would be more like "I'm not sure I even want to be in a relationship anymore". Don't question whether or not she's losing interest until she makes that clear because it could cause a lot of drama and heart break.

Also, I disagree with the bolded part above. You see how many of us are in healthy LDRs? I think LDRs are some of the most healthy relationships a person can possibly have because
1. You have to get to know the person on a really deep level because you talk so much
2. There's never a chance to go too fast too soon, physically, because of the distance.

^^Just my opinion.

Also this:

Also, whilst long distance is the part most of us hate about our relationships, that alone doesn't make them unhealthy. If that's your attitude, it's no wonder your LDR is deteriorating. Change your attitude, accept this as it is right now and make the best of it. If you show initiative and a positive mindset, she might respond and your relationship could easily develop into something stronger. If you think of it as something bad and doomed, then you can't blame her for giving up as well.

[septerra]

Thank you everybody. You guys helped me a lot.. I need to stop worrying and start doing the best I can to make this fun!

and Malaga, that makes a lot of sense.

[Sharon Q]

LDRs are not for everyone, and I went from CD to LD and it has made my relationship healthier.
I am now CD with my partner again, it's hard because we are dealing with so much that it still feels LD, he's living with a friend and I'm at my dads. It's kinda difficult now but we will pull through.

My SO has gotten off of the phone to watch movies before, it's no big deal. I think you are over thinking the matter.

Next time, try offering to watch the movie with her. Have her send you the link and watch it with her.

Try not to worry as far as conversation try bringing up thing you want to talk about

[septerra]

I'm gonna be visiting her this weekend.. Last time we talked, she said she'd call me back. She didn't, and it's been 4 days!