Regrets after leaving to return home

[jessandeddie21]

When I visit my bf or he comes here to visit me, we always have a great time. We make a list beforehand of all the stuff we want to do together and try to make the most out of the time he's here. While he's here or I'm there, everything seems perfect and all I can think about is how happy I am just to be with him. Then when I leave though, sometimes I get feelings of regret like we should've done more or I should've done this or that. I feel like I wish I had done some things better and made the most out of the short time we had together, even though we were perfectly happy when I was there. I was just wondering if anyone else experienced that too? Maybe it's because the time is so short and I won't get to see him again in a while. Maybe I also am too much of a perfectionist and feel like nothing is good enough. Can anyone relate or have any thoughts?

[Amelia]

I was the same with my bf we would make huge lists of what we want to do and all that stuff and eventualy it just meant alot of regrets at the end of the day. So now we each have our top 3 and we aim to achieve them all by the time the end of the trip happens. I think when you go to see your bf you need to be realistic when it comes to time management. The main thing is you shouldnt regret not doing enough with your bf at the end of the trip, if you spent time with him then you should be happy. Besides all we really want is to spend time with our SO it doesnt matter what we do as long as we are together even if it is only for a short period of time..and why should we regret that?

I am a perfectionist as well but i have kinda lost majority of my traits by spending time with my bf

[MattDavies86]

Best way to think is, oh we didn't do that....well we'll do it next time! Add it to your next list

[garnet]

I've felt that way, only it was more about not living in the moment if that makes sense. I'd be with him, but sad about leaving even if we had like 3 days left or something. Then when I DID leave I'd be overloaded in regrets that I was like that and didn't just find the joy in every second with my SO that I could have. Also felt like I could have made more of our time, for sure. :/

In my last relationship, I ended up having regrets that we did too much. We were so busy doing stuff, it was fun, but there wasn't enough time for each other. I seriously regretted that too.

[lucybelle]

Hmm I don't know. I think part of visiting in LDRs is to make sure you're compatible enough to actually be in a CDR one day. And when you're in a CDR you're not going to be going to romantic dinners every night and taking fun boat tours. Ya know? It's perfectly okay to have a "normal" day on a visit.

[Verojoon]

I have regrets too... but Lucybelle is right.

Our last visit we did go out for dinners and such... but we did a lot of just hanging out, cooking at home, watching tv, playing cards... It was wonderful because these are the things that make me feel we would enjoy our time together even when we are CD...

That being said, the fact we only get 1 week together, 2 times a year... it makes me have huge regrets if I feel I wasted any time! (I got a major toothache while I was there, and spent the whole New Years day sleeping... but the nice thing is he was amazing. He went out to buy me medicine... twice! since what he bought the first time didn't work... He cooked me two nice meals - hours spent in the kitchen...)

Last night I was going on and on about how well he was taking care of me.. and he was tel;ling me he regretted because he thought he could have done more for me... It was the most anyone has ever taken care of me (even my own mother)...

anyways, yes, I think when we have just a short amount of time together it is very hard not to have regrets...

I wish I had kissed him more...

[Jazi]

Funny that you posted this topic.. I actually am in that stage where the visit is soon coming to an end and I feel a little frantic that we haven't done/finished all the things we planned to.

Although, ours isn't a 'romantic list' of things or anything, we are considering this to me my last trip to the UK before my SO moves to Australia.. so we planned to go through his things and organise what to bring/leave. I also wanted to get shopping done for my siblings birthday presents, and stock up on those UK brand items that I love and can't buy in Australia.

We have managed to sort through some of his stuff.. but no where near to the level that I feel he would just be able to mindlessly put everything into boxes and be done. I know he can manage it on his own but I know I will feel helpless when he is in that stressful stage of packing/moving and I'm on the otherside of the world unable to help. So I guess it doesn't really matter how much we got done now, I would still feel like it wasn't enough because I can't actually be here when he has to do the moving.

I don't really know what I'm getting at with this post.. but I am going through exactly what this topic is about right now.. I guess I just needed to read it and ground myself.

it's always good to know you're not the only one.

[jessandeddie21]

Thank you everyone for the advice It's always comforting to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. And lucybelle made a good point about eventually being closed distance. It's true when eventually together for good there won't be expectations to be met in such a short amount of time. And now I know when that time comes, we will be happy just being together and not doing activities all the time