Need some input...

[Sark]

So I have been with my so for about five months. We currently live about 4 and half hours apart. We almost broke up because the relationship just got a bit boring. It was the ritual talking everyday that kind of made him and I stressed over calling each other cause we did not know what to say to eachother. We care for eachother deeply but I think because we moved so fast in the beginning (meaning calling and texting alot everyday) it kind of felt it was going down hill. I guess the honeymoon phase is over.

We do want to close the distance but cant for a while. He wants to take things slow and I agree but its so hard taking it slow when we already have the distance. We agreed that we dont have to talk on the phone everyday. Every other day is good. The days we dont a text here and there during the day is good. We also agreed not to plan visits like we were cause it was causing stress financially. We usually met every two weeks, it was good but hurt our budget. So we thought going with the flow and budget would be better.

So with all these new agreements I need to some ideas on how to spice it up. He says he would like a surprise once in a while. Like a nice picture or video. I agreed to that. I dont know how else to do to spice it up. He does not have a computer so games are out of the question. There is a small bit of a culture difference so talking about movies or books is out. What else can I do?

Also what would be a time frame for taking it slow in a relationship? He wants to just let things flow and see where it leads but I am having a hard time with this. I know he loves me and has mentioned a future but how long do you give before you have to do something. I feel like its up in the air right now. I do have to say that he has altot on his plate and said he needs to take care of a few things for himself first before he can provide for me and my kids which I understand but I am also feeling like I am in limbo. Sometimes I want to pull back for fear of getting hurt but at the same time I know its not good to do that either.

Any advice please???

[sewbama]

I think you just need to relax. All the things you mentioned you've changed are to stop planning so much, but here you are trying to plan what you aren't planning. Just relax. See what happens. Talk to him when you want about what you want. You say cultures are different so you can't talk about books or movies. Why not talk about the different books and movies you like? Why not explore your cultural differences and what they mean to you? Just relax, talk about whatever you want, and things will happen. You've been together for a few months. Calm down the talk about the future. It'll happen. Obviously it can't happen now, so just see where things take you. If you are in a committed relationship, that's all you need for now. The rest will come. Five months in is early to be worried about it. Just enjoy being with him.

I've been with my SO for over two years and we have known since day one that we were soul mates. There was no question that we'd be together forever. But we are only now considering getting engaged and talking about actual time frames for kids (which include multiple years). I don't know what you mean about a "time frame for taking it slow." It's different for everyone. But five months is not the time to worry about where things will go and when. Just wait. When it's right, it will happen.

[rixue]

I agree with sewbama, just relax and enjoy being together! For a surprise you could send him a package with a few of his favorite things along with a letter mail surprises are always fun since people usually just expect bills anymore.

[Hololz]

In terms of talking, my SO and I used to find interesting news articles to talk about - we'd share our opinions on things and eventually that would just naturally progress the conversation along It really helped us to get to know each other too - like we thought we knew everthing about each other, but turns out it was just the tip of the iceberg. (It doesn't even have to be anything too political etc)

I also agree that sending things is nice too (Although my SO was really difficult to buy presents for! lol!) I found out what his favorite animals were and sent him some oragami versions :P (Kept me entertained for a while...) When he visited we went to the zoo to try and find them in real life! (Childish but we had an awesome time! haha!) - My point is, it doesn't have to be expensive!

In terms of texting, If you both have camera phones you could send each other pictures of things that remind you of each other... My SO likes it when I wear tights so I'll send him a picture of them or a text to let him know what I'm wearing every now and then. It drives him crazy and then he cant wait to see me again!

[Sark]

Thank you guys for the ideas. I plan on mailing him something and I will try the other ideas you guys mentioned.

I want to relax and have fun with it but what I did not mention was that he had come on so strong in the beginning. He talked about marriage, kids and so on. After talking to my ex about relocating to my SO we agreed to both move for the kids sake. When all this was planned out my SO was so happy then all of a sudden I dont know if he got scared or what but said he needed to wait a bit longer before the move. In reality I know it was way too soon to relocate but I was willing to do it.

So now I am kinda feeling a bit insecure cause he changed his mind all a sudden. My SO said that he needed more time to get to know eachother and thinks we are going to fast. I totally agree but what I am mad about is that I told him this from the beginning he needed to slow down. He kept going and I made all these plans and then wham he decided its to fast. So i am a little confused. He says he loves me deeply and I know he does. I know there is no one else in the picture and so on but like I said I am confused.

So I guess time will tell....