Words of wisdom please!

[aprildawn]

This past Thursday night my SO said to me (at 10:45pm) .."Skype Tom night I want to go to sleep" because he didn't feel well. I asked if he could at least call to say good night and he came back with, "we'll talk later"..yes I got upset, because I did notice he had posted things on his FB until 11:30pm! I ended up texting some stupid things to him that I felt he was being distant, blah, blah, blah! Which I think he has. I told him things such as....you know how to hurt a woman's feelings...etc! Just stupid! Well on Fri morn he texted me that he just read the messages and he was disgusted by them and WTF was wrong with me? And said some other things..e said he didn't want to Skype or talk cuz he was sick, and I got my feelings hurt. Well I texted him ack stating that's not all why that I personally felt he was being different with me. He then basically ignored my texts, never texted me all Friday (and neither did I) until almost 8pm, he sent me a pic f him and hs daughter saying...this is what I did today...we talked for a few...I apologized for the night before and he just said, "ok"..I told him tho I still want to talk abt it to him Sat night, he said nothing back, even when I said I loved him and good night..I believe he fell asleep. So today I texted him (as he dd not text me good morn, as he usually does) asking him if he was growing aspart from me as he texted y daughter something like that, he didn't answer. So I texted that if he wants me to go away and if he is done with me, I will go but I promised him I will always love him and never leave him, and I love him very much and my heart can't let go...he texted back this...."April, stop it"....I told him....baby, I'm confused, please! And so far nothing....I know he is busy with work, but he's been comm before with me at work....idk, I'm very confused with his actions right now....any advice???

[XxFranticLovexX]

This post makes it seem like you are being very clingy and reading into things too much. Just because he didn't want to skype with you because he was sick doesn't mean that he has to go directly to bed after telling you good night. Maybe he just needed a little alone time or couldn't sleep or something. A constant barrage of messages, especially aggressive then apologetic ones, can be suffocating. Maybe you should just back off a little and let the man have some space. He'll message you when he's ready or you could message him again (just a hello or checking in or something) if you don't hear from him for a day or so.

Honestly, I would be rather put off and distant because of something like this, especially if I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to deal with it at the moment. His actions (from this post) just seem like you're taking things too personally and it's stressing him out a little. By saying "April, stop it" he was telling you to calm down and chill out on the continuous texts.

Once he starts communicating with you again let him know how you feel and talk with him about it, but for now just give it time so that you don't push him away.

[Benni]

Sometimes too much texting/Skypeing/calling can be exhausting and one would need a break occasionally. My guy and I have daily contact, sometimes up to 5 times a day, and I have to tell him 'enough! I have things to do!" Or "I need to curl up with a book and relax awhile -- later, baby." We both understand when each of us needs some space and time and we don't take it personally.

If you suck the life out of someone, they have no more life to give you. You should consider letting him initiate the calls/skype for awhile then you'll see what kind of schedule he likes to keep about things like that.

[aprildawn]

Your right....I have backed off and am letting him have his space, I totally agree with you and appreciate your help and advice. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone is all...

[aprildawn]

Sometimes too much texting/Skypeing/calling can be exhausting and one would need a break occasionally. My guy and I have daily contact, sometimes up to 5 times a day, and I have to tell him 'enough! I have things to do!" Or "I need to curl up with a book and relax awhile -- later, baby." We both understand when each of us needs some space and time and we don't take it personally.

If you suck the life out of someone, they have no more life to give you. You should consider letting him initiate the calls/skype for awhile then you'll see what kind of schedule he likes to keep about things like that.

Good advice Benni, thank you...LDRs are so hard..he normally always initiates the Skype dates at night, but that particular night I was missing him so much, I feel horrible...but I guess I felt as if he just wanted out...but the April, stop it.....confused me....so I'm gonna back off and let him come to me...

[iHeartt]

"..yes I got upset, because I did notice he had posted things on his FB until 11:30pm!

UUgghhhh I hate this. Facebook is evil!!! hehe I have learned to pick and choose my battles. There are plenty of times I could easily say "you didn't call me, pick up the phone, text me back, etc, etc, but you were on FACEBOOK!!"..... Yeah, that gets ya no where but into a huge argument!

I agree with the others in feeling as if you're being a bit clingy. I think we've all been there. There will be times when no one feels like Skyping. Maybe he was just busy. Give him time. He'll come around. But the constant texts (especially if you're doing it because you see he is or was on FB) is a bit much. Good luck to ya!

[aprildawn]

UUgghhhh I hate this. Facebook is evil!!! hehe I have learned to pick and choose my battles. There are plenty of times I could easily say "you didn't call me, pick up the phone, text me back, etc, etc, but you were on FACEBOOK!!"..... Yeah, that gets ya no where but into a huge argument!

I agree with the others in feeling as if you're being a bit clingy. I think we've all been there. There will be times when no one feels like Skyping. Maybe he was just busy. Give him time. He'll come around. But the constant texts (especially if you're doing it because you see he is or was on FB) is a bit much. Good luck to ya!

Yes I agree, I HATE fb....lol I learned to not even say anything about FB anymore because it gets you nowhere but like you said, in an argument! I am doing just that, backing off, cuz I agree, I'm a bit too clingy! I'm letting him come to me now...I look at it this way, if he truly loves me, he will call or text or whatever!

[ThePiedPiper]

Good advice Benni, thank you...LDRs are so hard..he normally always initiates the Skype dates at night, but that particular night I was missing him so much, I feel horrible...but I guess I felt as if he just wanted out...but the April, stop it.....confused me....so I'm gonna back off and let him come to me...

He probably got exhausted of your begging and pleading because he'd already told you what was wrong. He's been tired, busy and ill to boot, and he told you that. Not only did you respond by lashing out at him (and posting things absentmindedly on FB is a lot different than holding a conversation with someone, and I'm not quite sure why people tend to liken FB activity to other activities that require a lot more thought, effort and involvement) but then when he provided you with pictures and explanations, you continued to bombard him about how much you love him and you can't let him go and why is he drifting away from you and so on and so forth. Eventually it gets to a point where your partner stops listening to what you're saying, they aren't hearing that it's due to work or illness or other obligations, and you snap and you tell them bluntly to stop. That, in my opinion, is what the "April, stop it" was about. You pushed him too far because you weren't listening at all to what he had to say and were reading into things he hadn't even said or done; he gave you his reasons and you should have accepted them and that's all you can do from this point out. As opposed to trying to analyse everything he's said, why not take them for face value? My guess would be that when he says he's sick, he's sick. When he says he's with his daughter, he's with his daughter. He's already feeling shitty and it probably lends credence to why he finally snapped at you. I would keep doing what you're doing and let him come to you.

[aprildawn]

He probably got exhausted of your begging and pleading because he'd already told you what was wrong. He's been tired, busy and ill to boot, and he told you that. Not only did you respond by lashing out at him (and posting things absentmindedly on FB is a lot different than holding a conversation with someone, and I'm not quite sure why people tend to liken FB activity to other activities that require a lot more thought, effort and involvement) but then when he provided you with pictures and explanations, you continued to bombard him about how much you love him and you can't let him go and why is he drifting away from you and so on and so forth. Eventually it gets to a point where your partner stops listening to what you're saying, they aren't hearing that it's due to work or illness or other obligations, and you snap and you tell them bluntly to stop. That, in my opinion, is what the "April, stop it" was about. You pushed him too far because you weren't listening at all to what he had to say and were reading into things he hadn't even said or done; he gave you his reasons and you should have accepted them and that's all you can do from this point out. As opposed to trying to analyse everything he's said, why not take them for face value? My guess would be that when he says he's sick, he's sick. When he says he's with his daughter, he's with his daughter. He's already feeling shitty and it probably lends credence to why he finally snapped at you. I would keep doing what you're doing and let him come to you.

Absolutely spot on....I know I have an issue with the "clingy" I guess because of the distance, I need to just lay off...believe it or not, I'm new at this relationship stuff, let alone a LDR! I was married for 26 years, right out of HS! So I need to learn all this stuff, I guess! After 7 months, I'm learning him more n more! Thank you for your excellent advice, I greatly appreciate it and is a huge eye opener....

[ThePiedPiper]

Absolutely spot on....I know I have an issue with the "clingy" I guess because of the distance, I need to just lay off...believe it or not, I'm new at this relationship stuff, let alone a LDR! I was married for 26 years, right out of HS! So I need to learn all this stuff, I guess! After 7 months, I'm learning him more n more! Thank you for your excellent advice, I greatly appreciate it and is a huge eye opener....

We all need to learn it at some point, I think. I wouldn't be able to spot it so well if I hadn't once been there, too. I think when I was finally on his end of things that it finally hit me why I was evoking some of the behaviour that I was in others. My guess would be he'll come around soon enough. He probably needs some time to calm down and breathe and shake it off, maybe even physically recover, and I'm sure you two will be good again.

[AABRCL05]

I would suggest just backing off and giving me some space. He might be just needing some time to himself, I know that my SO gets that way sometimes and I have just learned to back off and when he is ready to talk then he contacts me. Yes it is hard at times, but it is something that I just deal with and try not to read into it! Hope giving him some space will help

[mellissawest]

YES I have to agree with everything every one is saying... Back off and give some space...He will come around.. I am learning the same thing also.. There are times when I go days not hearing from mine and i just have to realize that he is working and it takes up most of his time and when he gets a fee moment he will contact me..

[aprildawn]

*update* well I caught him in a lie last night; he texted me saying he was sleepy and just took meds for his cold and we would talk Monday night. I told him ok that he needed rest and to get better. This morning I seen he posted a picture of him and a female friend at the bar he hangs out at, last night at 12:30 along with another post on FB! I feel he lied to me, he says he didn't lie that he was at home and couldn't sleep so he posted that pic, I don't buy it ugh, I have caught him in a few other lies before too. This is upsetting to me and I'm confused and don't know what to do. My mind is telling me to run, my heart is telling me to stay!