who takes it harder after a visit, and how do you deal with it?

[Julz]

Honestly, I'm going to say that I'm the one who takes it harder, although its hard on him as well.
He does his best to be strong for me, because I fall apart.

On my last visit to NY I stayed for 4 months. He had a hard time after I left because he'd gotten used to me being there when he got home from work. My stuff was no longer scattered all over the bathroom counter, and he hated going into the kitchen because I kind of took it over. I left some if my stuff behind too. Mostly the clothes and shoes that he liked best on me. I wanted him to be reminded of me when he opened his closet.

So I guess it's hard for both of us, but I'm more of a basket case.

[ST25]

I hate the leaving part. Because I'm such a sentimental person, I feel the tears welling up in my eyes whenever I hug him at the airport. I know he doesn't like it either. Hand-holding had never felt so painful to me at that moment.

[Phantomrose]

I am starting to believe that I take it a bit harder than my SO does. I just got back from visiting my SO... and I feel like a complete mess. After he left for the car from dropping me off at the airport, I have been crying on and off throughout the plane ride, and ever since I got into the house. It feels as if I left "home" and I am back in a place where I don't feel at home... I feel a bit out of place.

[triste]

Definitely me...just left him after three weeks together. But I think this was the hardest one for him (SO), he had to say goodbye to me and my son (who cried himself to sleep two nights in a row before we left because he did not want to leave my SO), and we were both crying. I think I did better this time than usual, I must either be getting used to it, or was stronger with my son there.

My SO kissed me a dozen times and picked up hugged and kissed my son as well, so I knew it was hard for him. We don't know when we will see each other again, which always makes it more difficult. I feel like when we have a plan for the next visit, I am much better about the departure.

[missmossyoak]

I saw my SO for 8 hours yesterday and then I had to leave to go back to the university I just transferred to. Since moving here, I am only 3 hours away but today was really rough after seeing him yesterday... I feel like its gonna be harder for the first couple days... I miss him so much already. :/

[MattDavies86]

I think it's getting a little harder for my SO as time goes on, just have to keep each other strong!

[kria]

I believe that I take it much harder than he does. I had to leave him yesterday after a one month stay. It is always very difficult for me to leave him, especially if he is crying because that just breaks my heart. However, I don't cry as much when I leave him. I cry a lot the day before I have to leave him and the day of leaving, but when he has to leave me, I cry for days. I would say probably a week. It may seem pathetic crying for that long, but I think it's hard to see our memories everywhere I look, so I cry a lot. After one of us leaves, I usually make a large paper chain. I don't know why but it makes me feel better. I'll probably start making one today, actually. Then, I usually hang it up around the ceiling of my room and let the end I'll be taking links away from hang from the ceiling to the floor. I tear one off every day. It feels good to see the chain get smaller and smaller. My chains are approximately 150-170 links long because my SO and I only see each other every 4-6 months. This, plus, the old daily routine helps me get back into things. The first few days to a week without him is very strange and feels so odd, but after a while, everything settles back to normal.

[snow]

In my past relationship I always felt like he was taking it harder than I did - I was the one visiting 90% of the time. I knew when I came back home after a 3 hour train ride I would have my siblings and parents around and by the time I got back to my computer he'd be there. He had to go back to an empty apartment.

So I think after I leave my current boyfriend in march he will be sad that I left and sad that he's now alone in the room that we just shared, but he has a loving family who will help him get through it.
I will go back through a 20 hour tour until I get home, to my family, who all (except my dad) disapprove of this relationship and because of the time difference I won't even be able to talk to my SO :/ I'm not really looking forward to this very sad first day that I'll be back.

[redapple]

I leave my bf in 4days. It's our first visit since going LD so ill let you know!

[marbear31]

Well, my SO just left yesterday, and that sucks.

Anywho, I think both of us take it extremely hard, but my SO tries to keep the mood as light and happy as possible so he doesn't have to think about it until we're pretty much hugging goodbye. I know this past time, I was actually doing pretty well up until we got to the airport. I felt tears welling up at several different points, but I wanted to be happy for him, and for our last moments together to be happier ones.

When we part, I tend to be more reflective, at least outwardly, and I voice how sad I'll be. My SO is just like, "Ssh, don't talk about it!" and then we turn on some music or ambient noise to block out the simmering emotions and just enjoy each other's company.

The first time it happened, I got upset that he wasn't showing more emotion, but after this summer when I came back to the States, I realized it was just his way of dealing with things. Plus, I much prefer having a happy and light-hearted farewell (at least as much as possible :P) to a morose and stilted conversational one. I think our moments before we leave each other are some of the most poignant, where we just revel in each other's presence, and look forward to the next time we'll see each other.

My SO always says something that resonates: "It's not goodbye, it's a see you later." For some reason, this always helps me deal with the distance more easily. Each moment we're apart is one moment closer to the next time we'll see each other.

[BeingMeLovePV]

Hey, I can relate to what you posted. My boyfriend left on Monday (2 days ago) and I don't know what to do with myself. When I'm around people it's okay but as soon as I'm alone tears just fall down my face.

[Malaga]

"men don't cry except in really really extreme cases and then you still hide it"

Like when their football team loses an important game! Anything is allowed then!

[lyonsgirl]

I wouldn't say one of us takes it harder than the other, I'm just more open with my emotions than he is. (He rides on the "men don't cry except in really really extreme cases and then you still hide it" train.) He thinks it's weird for guys to cry. (I've gotten over this.) Although, I'm always the one doing the actual leaving. Yea, he has to go back home, but we didn't share a bed when I was visiting, so honestly, I think that makes it a little easier.

There are some days when I'm pretty sure my visits with him never really happened and that I just had a really vivid dream about the weekend. On the car ride to the airport after our last visit, he agreed that it didn't feel real. I get back into my routine after my first sleep back home, which is typically shortly after stepping through my front door.

[Mims27]

I think we both take it equally hard. Usually the night before one of us has to leave is when the waterworks start. I usually start and then that makes her cry. Then later she cries and it makes me go. That usually happens on and off until I get in the car and drive off. I then pretty much lose it for a few minutes, I catch my breath and then I'm ok. My drive home is usually my calming period. It relaxes me and makes me think about how lucky I am and how happy she makes me. Then when I get home it's back to the usual and we get really excited to skype that night.

Neither of us find separation easy, but he has better coping mechanisms than I do