Pregnant and lonely due to LDR

[Hyacinth]

Hi all,

New to the forum and this is my first post

I am 35 weeks pregnant and have been without my partner for the past 4 months. Even though we've been in a LDR for 2 years or so now, these 4 months have been the longest, hardest, of my life.

I've always had a really hard time coping with the LDR and everything that entails but add in the pregnancy and hormones, and it's all just been too much. My best friends in UK have kids and one of my best friends had her baby about 3 weeks ago. Whereas here, my closest friends don't have kids and are still very much in the dating/partying scene. So pregnancy has sort of isolated me. (I'm living with my family at the moment.)

I've gone from being quite a tough cookie to a downright emotional wreck.

I don't know why I never searched for a forum like this before. I should've. I could've really used the support in the past few months. I really hit rock bottom.

The strange thing is, he is coming over in a couple of weeks' time, so he'll be here for the delivery. But having been without him when I needed him most, I feel as though something essential from our relationship has been lost. It's hard to explain... I have changed so much, physically, emotionally, and there's a part of me that really feels as though he doesn't know me anymore and I've become a stranger to him.

And he's just not the kind of guy who should be in a LDR. I didn't mind before, I get it that some people are reserved and don't voice out their feelings and I've never tried to change him. But during my pregnancy, it's been awful, considering I constantly feel the need to be reassured.

I know I should be glad he's coming. And I was up until last night (we had a bit of an argument and today hasn't been a nice day in terms of communication).

So today, I'm just feeling upset and I should add that he'll be around till the baby's a few weeks old and then he'll be leaving again.

There's a part of me that's devastated. But I try to keep up appearances. And it's all taking a real toll :'(

I'm sorry this got so long, I'd just love to feel understood by people who live the ins and outs of a LDR and really know what it feels like. I really have no one else to talk to who would understand.

Cheers and thank you for reading <3

[Tanja]

I can't imagine what it's like being pregnant and apart from your SO. As if a LDR wasn't hard enough as it is.

I think you'll feel better once you see him again. Right now it might not seem like it but once you're in his arms I'm sure the world is a better place.

And just because he doesn't like to open up doesn't mean you have to be the same; tell him what's been going on and how you've been feeling. Sometimes just letting it all out helps a lot.

I hope you'll stick around here now that you've found us because this place is the best. The most understanding and caring people who help each other through anything are here. You've definitely come to the right place

[Irina_Linn]

welcome to the community! i am sorry that it has been tough time for you.but i am sure the moment he comes it will be ok.obviosuly,the fact that you are pregnant,explains how strange you are feeling.i cant understand what its like but i can imagine i guess.just dont worry! people change during pregnancy,physically and even mentally,but he is coming to see you right? i am sure he still loves you and you are having a baby with him! the most amazing thing that can happen between two loving people.so do not worry,we support you here and you can always talk to us,he is coming soon and life is getting awesome it must have been really hard but it only shows how strong you are.just be patient a little bit more and you will be rewarded greatly.and we will help you get over your troubles here

[kiara_silver]

Hi, welcome to the forums!
LDR's are hard already, the emotions and the challenges. To add pregnancy to it, it must be hard. Theres always ups and downs, but getting past those rough patches, emotions get in the way sometimes. I think once you see him and he's there with you in person, things will get better. Your under stress, and going through something amazing and this journey partially alone. But he is there, im sure its really hard on him too, and maybe he just doesn't know how to voice this to you. Stay strong! Your about to experience something amazing, and you'll get to experience it together, what you two created. I hope things pick up for you!

[iHeartt]

Welcome and glad you found your way here! Sorry you're having a tough time. As the above posters have said, I bet you'll feel better in his arms! Hang in there, and come talk as much as you need. There is even a live chat! So many people from all over the world, so many time zones, mean there are people in there at the oddest times!!

[Zephii]

It's great to have you here, even though the circumstances that drove you to seek support are horrible. You're a real trooper!
Congratulations on your pregnancy and I wish you all the best for your birth. I hope you get the birth you want and that it's an amazing experience for both you and your SO.
I'm looking forward to hearing more of your story and seeing you around the boards.

[Kristin91]

I don't know what to say, so I'm just sending huge s from Vermont!

Oh and welcome to LFAD!

[Hyacinth]

Dear All,

Thank you for the absolutely warm welcome. It has done wonders for my little heart.

at Tanja: thank you for sympathising <3 i've made an effort to voice out my feelings but i think it's all being put down to my hormones. And I am so very exhausted of crying. lol. i feel as though i've cried every single day since he went back to UK. it's kind of embarrassing! lol :s
he tells me to wait till we're back together for things to go back to normal. but i'm a firm believer in "you've gotta work at it (the relationship) on a daily basis and little things DO matter". but our lives/relationship just go on pause when apart. and when together again, i'm sort of expected to just fall back into the routine of things as though we never left each other.

I'm gonna try my best to stick around, even if my replies and participation might be a little stop-and-start. Only 4 weeks and 2 days to go till my due date and so much to do!! but it sure does feel like i've come to the right place <3

at Irina_Linn: thanks for the positivity it's a bit weird but it's almost as if the tension is building as the time for him to come approaches.

maybe it's anxiety? having been apart during my 2nd and 3rd trimester... the trimesters when i've changed the most. and i'm worried he might not 'like' me coz i am not exactly the same person he used to know. specially physically! lol.

at kiara_silver: thank you for reminding me that this might be as hard for him. even if he is not subject to the hormones and the extra pounds. he has always been a reserved person but prior to this phase of my life, i've always been quite emotionally independent and never nagged him that he didn't voice his feelings out as much as i would've liked. but man do things change during pregnancy. i'm so emotionally needy! and i wanna say it's embarrassing... but it's just the way i feel at the moment

at iHeartt: haha if allowed to speak as much as i need, i'd most probably have all you guys here 24/7! lol. but it does feel great finally having people who understand. oh, it's just wonderful. oh and thanks for informing me about the live chat!

at Zephii: thanks for cheering me up i am really looking forward to baby's arrival, a little apprehensive (i'm going for a natural birth, so kinda nervous!! lol) but so very, very excited at finally seeing my little munchkin. LDR is hard, waiting for one's partner is tough, but waiting for the due date has been loooonnngg AND hard

at Kristin91: thank you for the hugs they're one of my favourite things in the world and man have i missed being at the receiving end of those
hugs back at you!


I'm really looking forward to spending time with you guys before my delivery and letting you all know how things went once baby is here

Thank you all for being so supportive. 3 day old member but already feeling that LFAD rocks thanks to the LFAD members <3

[Zephii]

Natural birth hey? Good on you I home-birthed last November, all natural, no drugs, like a tree hugger lol and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I hope your birth is just as awesome (but half as long, dear lordy!). Look me up sometime and we can swap baby poo stories or something

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Wow, that is a less than ideal situation, but I am sure he is looking forward to it too. Things will be fine when you are back in each other's arms. =] I wish you nothing but the best and good luck with the delivery! Welcome to LFAD. Sending positive vibes your way!

[sewbama]

Pregnancy does change a person. You get hormones that make you sad, but you also get hormones that make you want to nest and spend time with loved ones, etc. So being in an LDR, especially when he isn't the most talkative can be really hard. Like you said, you feel like you're a different person and you've lost something. You have changed because you are bringing a person into the world. And, he's missed some of that. Realizing that it is normal and ok and almost expected for this to happen might help some. (I've never had a kid, and obviously everyone is different, but some women who have their SO's with them feel a similar thing when they are pregnant. They don't understand what is happening in your body. They just can't. So some women feel isolated and like their relationship loses something.) Thing is, you can recover it. In that way, he's right. When you are living together again, he'll learn about the new you, and then together, you'll get to learn about the little one. You'll both change when the baby is born. So flexibility in expectations and being able to adjust will be important to you both anyway. Not to say don't worry about it, but don't think that your life is ruined just because it is different. It will be ok.

Anyway, congratulations. And I'm really glad you found us here. Welcome. We are here for everything you need. I really hope things improve for you.

[Hyacinth]

at Zephii: oh wow! home birth! i think i would've really liked that but circumstances do not permit. how long were you in labour for? you should be my inspiration then well done you and congrats to you too on the latest arrival in your life! <3

at loveknowsnodistance27: thank you for the positivity, it's always welcome, specially now as due date approaches!

at sewbama: aww... it's almost as if you speak from experience though thanks for empathising. i try my best to remind myself that it's normal to feel this way. well, i'm definitely looking forward to him being here for delivery etc... but knowing that he'll be leaving again when baby is a few weeks old... it's hard. i've either gotta try and not think about it... or i just end up feeling really upset. (ouh by the way, i do love your display picture! is that your pet cat? )

on a brighter note though, 1 week to go as from tomorrow!

thanks once again guys for being such great support <3

[sewbama]

at Zephii: oh wow! home birth! i think i would've really liked that but circumstances do not permit. how long were you in labour for? you should be my inspiration then well done you and congrats to you too on the latest arrival in your life! <3

at loveknowsnodistance27: thank you for the positivity, it's always welcome, specially now as due date approaches!

at sewbama: aww... it's almost as if you speak from experience though thanks for empathising. i try my best to remind myself that it's normal to feel this way. well, i'm definitely looking forward to him being here for delivery etc... but knowing that he'll be leaving again when baby is a few weeks old... it's hard. i've either gotta try and not think about it... or i just end up feeling really upset. (ouh by the way, i do love your display picture! is that your pet cat? )

on a brighter note though, 1 week to go as from tomorrow!

thanks once again guys for being such great support <3

I have done a lot of research on pregnancy and women's health in general. It's very interesting to me. And I spend some time on a conception/pregnancy forum a few years back. I learned a lot. Hopefully I'll be able to speak from experience on these things soon.

That is my cat. That's my Parker. He's my buddy. He is absolutely obsessed with me. Follows me everywhere. In fact, he's laying right beside me now. He's a very sweet cat. I have two other cats, too. I love my cats.

[Hyacinth]

oh wow, that's great i've been lucky enough to have really good friends who've had babies recently. but during my own pregnancy, i started researching and reading up a lot to keep up with what's going on with my changing body ouh, i wish you best of luck for the future then even though i feel exhausted, it HAS been really fascinating being pregnant. 4 weeks to go now and i can't wait to see the baby.

ouhhh, how lovely, your Parker is gorgeous! my avatar is a pic of my first baby, Nero. lol. unfortunately, i'm having a LDR with him too at the moment it's tragic. Nero's with my SO in UK. we adopted him in Feb. 2012. when my SO comes to visit me, Nero will be staying with our flatmate. it's crazy how much i miss the little guy. i'm sure you understand though