I had to stay here...

[MissVampyxo]

So if anyone seen my last post the SO and I came here to visit my family for Christmas and today was the day our tickets were booked to come back. The entire end of the visit my family were trying to convince me to stay home- well my mother was telling me her opinion but saying whatever I'd choose she wouldn't hate me. About a week ago I started getting abdominal pain and I developed a really bad infection, I'm still not sure if it's bladder or something worse. I'm 17, so living with him I didn't have insurance there but also since I had gotten a job there my parents took me off their insurance. I had no choice but to stay here today and get back on the insurance to figure out whats wrong....

I feel so broken into pieces and even numb... and it's hitting him hard too which kills me even more. I was living there for 6 months and we were happy together- but I HATED his parents and his mother drove me crazy which is why I was 50/50 about staying here.
He's in college and has about a year left starting this new year and then he has told me he will move here with me...but I so badly want to go back. My mother had told me if things are still really bad that they will take their income tax money and buy me a ticket to go back in March...but in April he gets a spring break and that's when we were planning on coming back for a visit- yet we don't even have money atm to start buying tickets...
My sister is already so happy and feeling so full of it since SHE thinks she's the one who got me to stay. She pretty much was insulting me because I'm stupid for choosing love over getting my future started. I did have a job there but had to 'wait around' for college since I was going to become a resident to go to college but I then changed my mind. My mother had told me if I don't want to go to college then I don't have to and honestly I don't think I want to. But my sister is never going to leave me alone if I go back there and it drives me crazy. she makes me feel so full of guilt for wanting and planning on going back. All I want is for to be done with doctor visits and back in his arms.

She says I'm like this one girl she knows who got with a psycho and he abuses her and got her knocked up and she stays with him even though he doesn't have a job or anything because they're 'in love' and my sister is saying I'm just like them and love won't pay the bills or any of that. She also continually tells me that we aren't going to be together forever because he's my first love and we'll end up breaking up.

IT's so hard to ignore her, and it angers me she compared me to that girl... just because he's not constantly working and is trying to go to college first shouldn't even matter to her. She acts like I'm making the worst mistake of my life because I'm in love with him. I mean I understand some of her points but I AM in love with him and we do plan on getting married. Even if we had to live out on the streets I wouldn't change my mind, I love him.
No matter what I say to her she won't get off my back about it, and I'm so stressed with this distance- I've had menstrual issues for the past few months due to stress and anger and this isn't going to help any of it.

What's also just making me want to give up is that my sister is pregnant and her baby is due around June so I had told her and pretty much promised her I'd be here for the birth... I don't know what I'm going to do!
He was working with me - his grandmother got us hooked up with a job at a store but we were seasonal though they didn't keep him part time and they kept me but I obviously just had to call and tell them due to my health I wasn't coming back there...He's planning on finding more work but I need to too but I don't even know if I should bother to do it here just for what- like 2 or 3 months? Then I might move back to Florida..

It's worth him moving here because -I'm not trying to brag or anything about what I have I'm just explaining the situation- my parents are building us our own little house next door and says it's ours so him moving here my parents will support us until we find work and we have a free house and I already have a car so there's no worries here!

I just feel so ... I just want to die, honestly.

[iHeartt]

Awwww *hugs* Sorry you're going through all of this. Its a tough situation, but it sounds like you're better off staying with your parents since you hated his so much. It also sounds like your SO is very loving and understanding and willing to move there with you after college!! My opinion, its worth it to be in a LDR for your physical and mental health even though it will be tough being away from him. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else (your SO!).

As far as your sister goes, only you and him know the details about your LDR. Lots of us here have had the negative friend or family member. My first thought is just to ignore her, but I know thats hard. Maybe if he comes to visit over spring break you can sit down with her and she can get to know him better!!

Good luck to you and I hope you're feeling better soon!

[ThePiedPiper]

You're only 17, so you're where you should be developmentally, but I doubt your sister is trying to be smug and a cynic as much as she's trying to be realistic. Saying that you love him to the point you'd live out on the street if you had to, if you were ever unfortunate enough to find yourselves in that situation, you might feel a little bit differently about it, and even if you don't feel that way now, at 17, what would happen if you were in your 20s? Ready to settle down, have a stable life, think about having a career etc.? What about children? Pets? Hobbies? Friends? There's a lot you lose being willing to live out on the street for someone, and I think a lot of people tend to get caught up in the romantic notion of "love conquers all" without really considering the fact that love really does not pay the bills. Eventually, whether you two stay together or don't, you're going to have to make a living for yourselves. Eventually, you may even want to have better than a minimum wage job. You may later develop goals, interests and hobbies that require if not education, then at least the money to do those things. You may even want to live comfortably at some point versus living paycheque to paycheque! Everyone believes that they're going to be the exception, but in the end, financial stressors are one of the leading causes of divorce. Your SO working to complete his degree so he can get a better job is good for you two and your future. Your sister's lectures, while maybe not delivered in a sensitive manner, are in the right place; she's not trying to say your relationship won't work (first relationships very rarely do last forever and again, she's probably trying to be realistic and get you to keep things, like education, in perspective and not lose sight of you and your life just because you're in love), but she's trying to get you to pursue your life as opposed to giving everything up for a guy that may or may not be around forever. It's perfectly fine to plan for a "forever," but there are certain areas, such as education, career, etc., where you have to plan for what happens if you get divorced or if it didn't work out. There's nothing wrong with being practical and it doesn't mean your relationship is going to fail. Perhaps reappraising the situation and looking at your sister as trying to be realistic and help you versus that she's against you might help you feel better about her.

As for the pain/medicals, it sounds like you're in the place you need to be right now. You have insurance and are covered for whatever type of care you need right now, which is important, and whether or not you're planning for April, it sounds like you already have your parents willing to pay your way there for March, if you're still not able to handle the distance. That's less than two months from today, and your SO will be able to move to you in less than a year. You're living in a situation where you're being cared/paid for, where you can more easily get a job/education, and where your health care is covered. You didn't even have a car or a license in Florida, yeah? I can understand that sometimes feelings don't fit with our circumstances. Sometimes our circumstances are great and it's still difficult to count our blessings. However, I think you really need to consider you in this relationship versus your relationship as a single entity. :/ You only have a year to go before you don't have to do the distance any longer, you have parents willing to pay your fees to see your SO, you're in a very fortunate place and there's nothing wrong with others reminding you that you, as a separate person from your SO, exists too.

Have you considered using your insurance allowances to see a therapist? It concerns me when someone says they want to die because they won't see their partner for 2-3 months, especially when the reasons they had to stay were health issues. :/ That dependency might be worth discussing. I think you'd find your life and relationship more fulfilling if you didn't make your relationship the whole center of your universe and worked on more effective strategies to cope with the distance while additionally learning how to pursue something for you every once in a while. Best of luck.

[MissVampyxo]

You're only 17, so you're where you should be developmentally, but I doubt your sister is trying to be smug and a cynic as much as she's trying to be realistic. Saying that you love him to the point you'd live out on the street if you had to, if you were ever unfortunate enough to find yourselves in that situation, you might feel a little bit differently about it, and even if you don't feel that way now, at 17, what would happen if you were in your 20s? Ready to settle down, have a stable life, think about having a career etc.? What about children? Pets? Hobbies? Friends? There's a lot you lose being willing to live out on the street for someone, and I think a lot of people tend to get caught up in the romantic notion of "love conquers all" without really considering the fact that love really does not pay the bills. Eventually, whether you two stay together or don't, you're going to have to make a living for yourselves. Eventually, you may even want to have better than a minimum wage job. You may later develop goals, interests and hobbies that require if not education, then at least the money to do those things. You may even want to live comfortably at some point versus living paycheque to paycheque! Everyone believes that they're going to be the exception, but in the end, financial stressors are one of the leading causes of divorce. Your SO working to complete his degree so he can get a better job is good for you two and your future. Your sister's lectures, while maybe not delivered in a sensitive manner, are in the right place; she's not trying to say your relationship won't work (first relationships very rarely do last forever and again, she's probably trying to be realistic and get you to keep things, like education, in perspective and not lose sight of you and your life just because you're in love), but she's trying to get you to pursue your life as opposed to giving everything up for a guy that may or may not be around forever. It's perfectly fine to plan for a "forever," but there are certain areas, such as education, career, etc., where you have to plan for what happens if you get divorced or if it didn't work out. There's nothing wrong with being practical and it doesn't mean your relationship is going to fail. Perhaps reappraising the situation and looking at your sister as trying to be realistic and help you versus that she's against you might help you feel better about her.

As for the pain/medicals, it sounds like you're in the place you need to be right now. You have insurance and are covered for whatever type of care you need right now, which is important, and whether or not you're planning for April, it sounds like you already have your parents willing to pay your way there for March, if you're still not able to handle the distance. That's less than two months from today, and your SO will be able to move to you in less than a year. You're living in a situation where you're being cared/paid for, where you can more easily get a job/education, and where your health care is covered. You didn't even have a car or a license in Florida, yeah? I can understand that sometimes feelings don't fit with our circumstances. Sometimes our circumstances are great and it's still difficult to count our blessings. However, I think you really need to consider you in this relationship versus your relationship as a single entity. :/ You only have a year to go before you don't have to do the distance any longer, you have parents willing to pay your fees to see your SO, you're in a very fortunate place and there's nothing wrong with others reminding you that you, as a separate person from your SO, exists too.

Have you considered using your insurance allowances to see a therapist? It concerns me when someone says they want to die because they won't see their partner for 2-3 months, especially when the reasons they had to stay were health issues. :/ That dependency might be worth discussing. I think you'd find your life and relationship more fulfilling if you didn't make your relationship the whole center of your universe and worked on more effective strategies to cope with the distance while additionally learning how to pursue something for you every once in a while. Best of luck.

I'm not going to college because of the relationship, I don't want to go because that's just not what I want to do with my life. I plan on getting a job once I know what I'm going to do so it's not like I'm not doing ANYTHING. And I did get my license there and we did get a car that his parents pitched in for and helped with the insurance.

I'm feeling like that because of the stress I've been through this past year. Graduation, moving, his parents, life, coming back, family issues, and work issues. This past year and so far the beginning of this one is almost killing me from the amount of stress I've been through.

[ThePiedPiper]

I'm not going to college because of the relationship, I don't want to go because that's just not what I want to do with my life. I plan on getting a job once I know what I'm going to do so it's not like I'm not doing ANYTHING. And I did get my license there and we did get a car that his parents pitched in for and helped with the insurance.

I'm feeling like that because of the stress I've been through this past year. Graduation, moving, his parents, life, coming back, family issues, and work issues. This past year and so far the beginning of this one is almost killing me from the amount of stress I've been through.

Then maybe seeing a therapist for that would be beneficial to you? I tout therapy not as an insult to you, but because it can be incredibly helpful in times of stress or in cases where other things come into play, like the dependency I was worried about. You did not clarify that you were stressed out due to more than your SO in your original post, so I'm sorry for basing my opinion off of that alone. I did not mean to offend you in any way. I also was not aware you two had had a car. I was simply trying to offer another perspective based off of what was said in your original post, so that you didn't see your sister as out to get you and so that you could look at the bright side of being where you are.