Why does it sound like the fist time we have lived together? All men are unsecure?

[littlekakau]

My SO and I lived together, before it I've heard all his fears and negatives thoughts. We lived very well for 15 days, when my mom got sick and with his support I got strong to come back and help my dad.
I'm flying back in 9 days and as yesterday was our "anniversary" of 9 months I called him. He said he was enjoying the vacation of me, and I was putting too much excitement on something that is not so serious, we are just bf and gf. Relationships might doesn't work blah blah blah.
It was the same speech I heard on the first time. Nothing bad happened. Why all this over again ? After a long time I said I love you and he said he loves me back. Why this then?
I don't have anyone here. My mom is dying, my dad thanked my help and said to me to live my life.
So, why does it need to feel right and hard?

[ThePiedPiper]

First, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. That position is never an easy one to be in, and I sympathise. <3

Secondly, it's only been 9 months, you've only "lived together" for 15 days. 15 days is hardly anything and while it might seem like a while, 9 months isn't all that long, either. I wouldn't say that he's being insecure or that he's not taking the relationship seriously. I would say he's trying to be realistic. At 9 months, you might know whether or not the relationship is something you want to pursue, but I don't feel you can confidently say you want to get married to someone by that point; it's still a young relationship. I would say let it roll off your shoulders and enjoy the relationship you have.

[littlekakau]

First, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. That position is never an easy one to be in, and I sympathise. <3

Secondly, it's only been 9 months, you've only "lived together" for 15 days. 15 days is hardly anything and while it might seem like a while, 9 months isn't all that long, either. I wouldn't say that he's being insecure or that he's not taking the relationship seriously. I would say he's trying to be realistic. At 9 months, you might know whether or not the relationship is something you want to pursue, but I don't feel you can confidently say you want to get married to someone by that point; it's still a young relationship. I would say let it roll off your shoulders and enjoy the relationship you have.

Thanks for your sympathies.
Do you mean it's better take the risk and try ? I'm so sensitive that I feel like he might won't like to see me.

[ThePiedPiper]

Thanks for your sympathies.
Do you mean it's better take the risk and try ? I'm so sensitive that I feel like he might won't like to see me.

Yes, I do mean that. It's only been 9 months! That doesn't mean this can't eventually develop into something as serious as moving in together or marriage and it doesn't mean he's not serious about you now. He's simply trying to be practical about the fact it's only been 9 months. My guess would be he still loves and cares about you, simply isn't ready for the next step yet. I just re-read the bit about the vacation (I was having some trouble reading your post) and that sounds insensitive if he's saying he enjoyed his vacation away from you. However, it could simply be that he's not ready for something too serious right now or that he's feeling pressured into something more serious than he's ready for. My guess would be if you both love one another, then it's still worth the risk and it's still worth pursuing. Otherwise you're going to be asking "what if."

[littlekakau]

Yes, I do mean that. It's only been 9 months! That doesn't mean this can't eventually develop into something as serious as moving in together or marriage and it doesn't mean he's not serious about you now. He's simply trying to be practical about the fact it's only been 9 months. My guess would be he still loves and cares about you, simply isn't ready for the next step yet. I just re-read the bit about the vacation (I was having some trouble reading your post) and that sounds insensitive if he's saying he enjoyed his vacation away from you. However, it could simply be that he's not ready for something too serious right now or that he's feeling pressured into something more serious than he's ready for. My guess would be if you both love one another, then it's still worth the risk and it's still worth pursuing. Otherwise you're going to be asking "what if."

That's the point. I'm going back to live with him. But I'll do it. Whatever, life is an adventure or nothing. Thanks.
P.S.: he is against marriage for some reason since we meet. We never planed anything, he said it just once when drunk. It doesn't count.

[XxFranticLovexX]

I agree with Piper. I've technically lived with my so for a month but we consider that a visit and not actually living together. Yes, I would move in with him now if I could and we like to make plans for the future but even 'living together' for a month we haven't experienced all parts of what it's like to live with each other.

The one thing that I disagree with Piper on is that some people can know if you want to marry someone within that time because every ones relationship is different. Some people move faster in relationships than others and some people have different priorities than others.

Honestly, if my so asked me to get married now I would say yes and I would probably do it whenever he wanted to. Though, I have known him for almost two years so that may play into it a little.. I'm not sure I would have felt the same if I had just known him for the time that we have been together because I wouldn't know him as well as I do now.

[littlekakau]

I agree with Piper. I've technically lived with my so for a month but we consider that a visit and not actually living together. Yes, I would move in with him now if I could and we like to make plans for the future but even 'living together' for a month we haven't experienced all parts of what it's like to live with each other.

The one thing that I disagree with Piper on is that some people can know if you want to marry someone within that time because every ones relationship is different. Some people move faster in relationships than others and some people have different priorities than others.

Honestly, if my so asked me to get married now I would say yes and I would probably do it whenever he wanted to. Though, I have known him for almost two years so that may play into it a little.. I'm not sure I would have felt the same if I had just known him for the time that we have been together because I wouldn't know him as well as I do now.

We dated seing each other almost every weekend for about 6 months, lived together for 15 days.
This break in our routine is making scared but I miss him a lot. I think he misses me too. That's why I wanna surprise with my arriving. But I'm also unsecured. Is it normal?