Too Fast, Too Serious?

[glasspaper]

Hi everyone! im newbie here and this is my first post
I've been a lurker for a couple months and i think this is a very great place to share about LDR
and its issues.

So, i wanna share a story about me and this guy, i'm sorry if its gonna be a long post.
I've never met him in person. I met him on a the dating site on June 2012, while im on a divorcing process with my ex-husband.

Well, he didnt know about my divorcing status, i told him that im divorced. My bad. But he's cool with it.
He lives in the United States and i live in Indonesia, >10000 miles apart and 13 hours time different.

In the beginning i wasn't really take it too seriously, i mean i just need someone to talk, not really into relationship - ish.
But he's really caring, cool, awesome, all the great things you named it. And he told me that he would comin to visit me on december 2012.

And day by day, we gettin closer and closer. And he'sooo sweet. Then i feel like i really like him more and more.
He told me about all the stuff that he wanna be with me, have a feeling for me, and im the only one that he want, and so on.

On november, i told him that i couldnt meet him. Its because i feel like im not ready, im on divorcing process and i got a language problem (which im not really fluent in english) and some of personal financial issues. But i just told him that my problem is just the language thing, and thats all. and i'm workin on it, i takin a course to improve my skill.
But he said, that he willing to wait till i'm ready to meet him. And we still talking regularly in daily basis till now.

We never call our company is a relationship and we are a couple. Actually, i dont have any idea what it should be called.
All i know that i just wanna be with him so bad and i wanna meet him someday in a real life. And he said the same thing too.

We fought several times, and everytime we got a problem he usualy didnt talk to me for days, and i always be the one who tried to reach him and talk to him first to asked whats goin on.

Somehow i found out that he might be losing his interest in me or in this relationship (?), its because i got him told me that he hopes i realize that its just an online relationship and we have a fair chance that we couldn't ever meet, and he just tryin to be nice, and he wanna take it slower down a lil bit and some more things that to me it sounds like he is being unsure.

That makes me confused, i don't know if he really seriously wanna be with me because everytime we fought then he would say those kinda cryptic things which is makes me feel irritated. I told him that i wanna stop it, and we didnt talk for days, i tried to avoid him. But then i feel like i couldn't take him off my mind and i miss him, then i would talk to him again.

And we back to each other, and closer again. We comeback and he would be all that cool and sweet and caring and awesome again, just like we never had a fight before.

He reassuring me that he still feelin the same, never change.
I feel like awyeaaah, i'm sure that i really really like this guy.
I'm getting to take it seriously. Thinking about work more than i used to be to saving for a visit, and take more language courses, and got him some stuff send to his address to make him knows that i’m real and i care about him.

He said that he really happy. And he wanna keep workin on it, on us. He hopes that i won't give up. And he said that he said all we need is just a time and each other. Thats what he said a couple days ago when i was feelin insecure and doubt.
Well, lately i feel like theres something happens, not really sure what it is. We talking everyday, and i feel like it might be too much, im getting insecure whenever he said that he’s busy or tired or whenever he just had a lil bit time to talk to me each day.

I know that we have our own life, and so i’m tryin to take it real calm. I tried to didn’t talk to him a day or two, or just tryin to be cool if he gotta do something or tired. I keep myself busy tho, just don’t wanna be clingy and too attached to him. But its hard, its killing me. I wanna be with him so bad.

And now i’m wondering, is it too much to bein like this to him?
Is it too fast? (knowing that we haven’t meet before and it’s just been 6 months)
And am i take it too seriously? ( knowing that i sometimes feel not sure whether he bein real serious this far)

So, guys. Help me to answer those questions, and thanks for reading my post

[lucybelle]

It doesn't seem too fast to me. You guys should definitely meet and see how it goes. Good luck!

[glasspaper]

hi lucybelle! Glad to read your reply, thank you.
I hope so, lucy. I just feelin doubt sometimes

[Verojoon]

Your story sounds a lot like the beginning of my relationship. I was the one going through the divorce and he was the one with the problems learning English... We took 14 months before we were ready to meet each other. We also had many fights where we "broke up" and didn't talk for some days and then would be closer together... I used to say it was like we were attached to an elastic and the further away we went from each other, the closer it snapped us back together...

I say take it at your pace. Try not to over-think it and enjoy the relationship for what it's worth. Once you feel ready to meet him, meet him, and see where it goes from there. It's a risk.. one of you may get hurt... but you have to take risks in life. I'm sure you know this.

Good Luck!

[glasspaper]

Your story sounds a lot like the beginning of my relationship. I was the one going through the divorce and he was the one with the problems learning English... We took 14 months before we were ready to meet each other. We also had many fights where we "broke up" and didn't talk for some days and then would be closer together... I used to say it was like we were attached to an elastic and the further away we went from each other, the closer it snapped us back together...

I say take it at your pace. Try not to over-think it and enjoy the relationship for what it's worth. Once you feel ready to meet him, meet him, and see where it goes from there. It's a risk.. one of you may get hurt... but you have to take risks in life. I'm sure you know this.

Good Luck!

Hi Verojoon. Thanks for your advice, it means a lot
Btw, did you tell your SO that you were going through the divorce, in the first place?
Somehow im thinking of telling him about it, but not really sure how do i do and a bit scared of the possibility that he would hates me or leaves me because of it. But yeah thats one of the risks, and i have to deal with it.

[Verojoon]

Well my situation was a little different. We started as just friends while I was still married... but I had no one to talk to because I was always alone and lonely... There was nothing romantic at all in our first friendship. I was interested in learning his language... and he needed help with English... But we quickly became best friends... Because of that he was totally aware of everything that was happening with my marriage/separation/divorce... It caused a lot of drama between us... There were times that he stopped talking to me because he was afraid that I was leaving my husband because of my close friendship with him... That year is the worst year of my life... I know I did many things the wrong way... but it was the only way I knew how to do them at the time. Even looking back on it, I don't know how I could have found the strength to do it the right way... or to even do it again... It was very difficult for our friendship and relationship and it nearly didn't survive... But in the end, it is what made us so strong...

So I would tell him... and it may be difficult at first, but it is okay... Whatever happens, happens and you will continue on your path towards where you need to be! *hugs* Secrets often end up growing into bigger and bigger things the longer you keep them!

[glasspaper]

Well my situation was a little different. We started as just friends while I was still married... but I had no one to talk to because I was always alone and lonely... There was nothing romantic at all in our first friendship. I was interested in learning his language... and he needed help with English... But we quickly became best friends... Because of that he was totally aware of everything that was happening with my marriage/separation/divorce... It caused a lot of drama between us... There were times that he stopped talking to me because he was afraid that I was leaving my husband because of my close friendship with him... That year is the worst year of my life... I know I did many things the wrong way... but it was the only way I knew how to do them at the time. Even looking back on it, I don't know how I could have found the strength to do it the right way... or to even do it again... It was very difficult for our friendship and relationship and it nearly didn't survive... But in the end, it is what made us so strong...

So I would tell him... and it may be difficult at first, but it is okay...

Thats awesome, vero. I'm glad that you could be this strong through all of those hard times. You and your SO are amazing

Whatever happens, happens and you will continue on your path towards where you need to be! *hugs* Secrets often end up growing into bigger and bigger things the longer you keep them!

THIS! this exactly is. I agreed with it, and i really like these words. So, i told him about my current situation last night. I thought he would leave or stop talkin to me, but then he said that it doesnt really matter. And it doesn't really change anything for him. Such a big relief to me.

Thank you verojoon for your kind reply. All of the best for you and your SO *hugs