I am getting really tired of this...

[Kaisukaru]

I don't know what to do anymore. My SO keeps telling how much he hates my nation all the time. This ranges from sharing some story about how a Turkish man treats his Estonian fiancée badly to simply yelling at me. I know this is some sort of violent reaction to my parents not accepting him. However, it is starting to take over our relationship. I'm simply sick of being told such negative things nonstop. This is getting more and more often lately and I don't know how to handle it. He wants me to leave Turkey permanently and never see my parents again. Sometimes he even goes as far to say I cannot speak Turkish in the future. I understand our relationship is getting unhealthy... I love him to bits but to be honest I'm too tired to try to fix things anymore. Any advice?

[ThePiedPiper]

At this point, it sounds like him who has to fix things... What has he said when you've asserted your feelings/thoughts to him? He can't, and shouldn't, expect you to forget your entire family and culture based off of not being immediately accepted; that's childish and ridiculous.

[Tooki]

Why exactly did your parents not accept your SO?

Also did he only say that you cannot speak Turkish? Are you 100% ok with him speaking Estonian for example?

Also, (sadly) Turkish people are seen in a discriminated light in Estonia, and you need to really speak about that with him as well.

[Carenza LaRue]

sorry to say this..... and it might not be what you want to hear.....
but in my opinion... a partner acting like this, trying to cut you loose from your family, culture, language..... is no good.

I foresee a lot of trouble if you continue with this relationship..... he lacks respect of who you are, where you come from and it doesn't look like he will ever accept that.

use your brain instead of your heart.
the signs are all over the wall.....

choose wisely....

[dragonlady]

does he know what you'r feeling about this that it realy hurt's you?
that is what you should tell him

at the moment he sound's like my father (who i hate by the way) always saying bad thing's about "outsiders" but try's anything to get them in bed.. yuk!
no affend meant by this!

just tell him what you think about it, and if he loves you keep his mouth shut about it!

[Black_Halloween]

He sounds like he's no good for you. If he can't accept you for who you are then he should buzz off.

[Kiyama]

sorry to say this..... and it might not be what you want to hear.....
but in my opinion... a partner acting like this, trying to cut you loose from your family, culture, language..... is no good.

I foresee a lot of trouble if you continue with this relationship..... he lacks respect of who you are, where you come from and it doesn't look like he will ever accept that.

use your brain instead of your heart.
the signs are all over the wall.....

choose wisely....

I second this.

[Kaisukaru]

Thank you all.

We tried to discuss this several times but it always ended with fights. Anyway, last night we managed to come to a conclusion at last. Yes, Tooki, Turkish people really are seen in a discriminated light in Estonia and masses of Estonians are brought up to be racist because of their history. Roughly, my parents don't accept him firstly because we met on the Internet, which I can understand, and secondly because they are a bit too obsessed with education. He is soon to graduate vocational high school and cannot attend university straight away due to financial reasons although he really wants to, and this seems to bother my parents greatly. Indeed, I see where they are coming from but they refuse to understand that vocational education in Europe is not as hopeless as it is over here in Turkey. The main problem is the way they try to control me. (i.e: pulling the modem out, tearing my stuff) Anyway... I think he finally sees what he really has been doing since he broke down and begged for forgiveness. After discussing everything in detail till early morning, it seems like he is pulling himself together at last. I know he is not a mean person but my parents scarred him deeply. I hope things will get better from now on.

[Tooki]

I wouldn't say that Estonians are racist, but certain minorities are stereotypically perceived (Turks included). Estonians only really hate Russians. I'm coloured and I have never had a problem in Estonia.

Off of that, do you know if his family supports you and the relationship? Also, vocational school is different in Estonia in that you can still enter university in the same way as if you graduated from an academic high school. Also, a lot of skilled jobs require you to go to vocational school, unlike other countries. I'm my excusing his actions, but surely things are very stressful for him as well.

[MattDavies86]

So he's complaining about how a Turkish man treats his Estonian fiancee? what about how a Estonian man is treating his Turkish girlfriend? That's you by the way, you really should re-think being with him unless he changes, being together should be fun and happy (most times anyway) not punishing you for his views on people from your nation, if he hates Turkish people so much why is he with you?

[ThePiedPiper]

Thank you all.

We tried to discuss this several times but it always ended with fights. Anyway, last night we managed to come to a conclusion at last. Yes, Tooki, Turkish people really are seen in a discriminated light in Estonia and masses of Estonians are brought up to be racist because of their history. Roughly, my parents don't accept him firstly because we met on the Internet, which I can understand, and secondly because they are a bit too obsessed with education. He is soon to graduate vocational high school and cannot attend university straight away due to financial reasons although he really wants to, and this seems to bother my parents greatly. Indeed, I see where they are coming from but they refuse to understand that vocational education in Europe is not as hopeless as it is over here in Turkey. The main problem is the way they try to control me. (i.e: pulling the modem out, tearing my stuff) Anyway... I think he finally sees what he really has been doing since he broke down and begged for forgiveness. After discussing everything in detail till early morning, it seems like he is pulling himself together at last. I know he is not a mean person but my parents scarred him deeply. I hope things will get better from now on.

Be careful things don't become a cycle, but I'm hoping his realisation and projected changes are genuine.

[Kaisukaru]

Closing the thread.