My relationship is over. Trying to deal with how it ended.

[goalie_girl34]

I'm flattered so many people here remember me. I remember those of you who remember me! Thanks, it makes me feel good to hear someone say I'm strong. I'm trying to be even though I'm just not sure who I am or where to go from here. I really miss him, I mean I hate him right now. But I miss having somone who just comlpetely understood me and I could be myself around. I really hate that this happened and so I'm angry for being attached and vulnerable even though we accept the chance and oppurtunity of getting hurt as part of love. I just miss who he used to be to me. I dont know how else to explain. I dont know what else to say, I just dont feel like anyone will understand but I know most people will just want to listen and help.

[Zapookie]

I remember you. I'm terribly sorry for what has happened. Keep your chin up, give yourself time to grieve and then start to heal. You're a brave woman.

[ST25]

After reading this, my heart just broke in half. I am so sorry this had happened to you. I cannot even begin how devastating this was when you first found out. You did the right thing in blocking his facebook and avoiding him though. Just know that everyone here has your support in the healing process.

[Kanga]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I do remember your posts, and wondered where you went. I never posted most just a lurker, but I am sorry this happened to you. Reading this really tugged on my heart. The fact he did this to you is so wrong on so many levels. Try and stay strong, hopefully things will get better.

[goalie_girl34]

I find myself wondering, why me? Why did this happen to me? I just didnt deserve this and I dont know why. It makes me feel like somehow this is my fault, like this doesnt happen to anyone, something was different about me to have this happen.

It just hurts so much.

[ThePiedPiper]

I find myself wondering, why me? Why did this happen to me? I just didnt deserve this and I dont know why. It makes me feel like somehow this is my fault, like this doesnt happen to anyone, something was different about me to have this happen.

It just hurts so much.

While I can understand your thought process, I also think it's important to note that sometimes bad things happen to good people. There's no reason for them, other than maybe you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, but there's nothing that could ever have been done to prevent them. You trusted him like any one of us trusted or trusts our SOs. You put faith in him like any one of us has or has had to. You believed him like we believe what came/comes from our SOs. You can't be blamed for that. You did what thousands upon thousands of people do every single day, and it simply happened that your SO took advantage of that. You didn't deserve it. You did nothing to cause it to happen. You could have done nothing to prevent it. You simply loved him like millions of people do on a daily basis with their partners. Sometimes there simply isn't a why, and it can be hard having to deal with it, but sometimes we'll never know "why." Not knowing that doesn't mean we deserved it, however; if anything, it's proof of it not being your fault. :/

[Moon]

Awww, honey, I am so, so sorry about your situation, what an absolutely cruel, shitty spot you're in No, you didn't deserve this, but unfortunately bad things sometimes happen to good people. I'm just glad you found out so quickly, and were able to get home. The problem with both love and trust is that there's always a chance of getting badly burned, and that happens to pretty much all of us at least once. It's horrible, soul-crushing, and it makes you feel so stupid and hurt, but I promise you that things will start to feel better, it just takes some time. It's OK to grieve, and it's OK to be angry as hell, that's normal, and why wouldn't you be? You should feel that way. It might take awhile, but you will heal from this, and you will learn from it. Whatever you do, allow that process to complete before jumping into anything else, OK? That's really important. Jumping into something else just leads to more heartache and confusion, you need to take this time for yourself, no matter how lonely it feels.

I'm sending good thoughts you way, and hope you can find some peace. There probably aren't any good answers to the questions you're asking, try not to dwell on them too much. You will be OK.

[mllebamako]

My heart just broke reading this post. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I wish I had the right words to say, but it's such a maddening, awful situation I don't know what can be said!
You are in my thoughts. Stay strong and we are here for you.

(and yes, I remember you!)

[goalie_girl34]

Thanks for the support everyone. Its good to know there are people that care for and support me. Things are still really rough, a lot of things still feel really raw. I guess I just wish I knew how long it would take to feel somewhat back to normal again. As much as I have resisted therapy earlier in my life to address my bouts of depression I feel eager to pursue it now. I still know that I will be uncomfortable, emotional, maybe hesitant but I think it will be a very important step to keep attempting to heal. So as soon as I figure out some insurance issues I'll be jumping in to that. That will give me plenty to focus my restless mind on, and getting back to work will help me tremendously.

I just feel exhausted everyday. Since that day I have not yet woken up and felt ready to face a day, or felt positive about whats to come. I sort of feel like a zombie right now. The day sort of happens around me. It feels like my whole life sort of derailed and its just going to take time to wade through my emotions and focus on doing what I need to do.

[Fra101]

I'm so incredibly sorry, I can't imagine what you're going through, such a horrible thing to happen. Relationships ending are very hard to accept, and you constantly find yourself analysing everything you ever did and talked about with your ex. For me personally, it's good to have friends who can support you when something like this happens. I understand completely why you would want to be in another loving relationship soon after something as traumatic as this has occurred. You just have to remember you're not at fault here at all, I'm terribly sorry if this sounds clichéd but one day you'll find somebody who you can share your love with, and trust. A relationship ending is like mourning a relative, it takes time, but the pain will heal. I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavours, and that 2013 is good to you

[goalie_girl34]

Did a lot of thinking today, trying to sort through all these different feelings tried to really focus on myself. I had put up two profiles on dating sites earlier this week. Today I realized they were stupid, and not really how i wanted to meet people anyway. My picture got an average 6.6 rating. I realized I was just being objectified and judged on some ideal of beauty. The chances of me meeting anyone genuine were slim to none. And I wouldnt be ready anyway. I deleted both of them and felt good about it. What I'm realizing is that I miss what I had so much and I'm hoping to get that back, which isnt going to happen. It may take me a long time to find someone I connect with that much, I may never find them. I miss the established deep connection I had in my relationship and I want it again but that takes time and frankly I'm much too depressed to even try.

As much as it hurts to be lonely I need to focus on myself right now. I'm looking at my physical and mental health, and my employment/housing situation. This will take my mind off things, give me chances to meet people personally and build relationships. And when I have my life back together I'll be ready to add someone else to it. As hard as this all is I need to just take each day at a time and not go looking for love even though I feel like I cant breathe right now without it.

[Julz]

I'm new, so I don't remember you.
I just want to say how sorry I am. I could almost feel your pain while I was reading your post.
Karma is a bitch and he'll get his someday.
I hope you can find your way back to who you once were and I hope you find all the happiness that you deserve.

[goalie_girl34]

My friend showed me some pictures of my ex and his pregnant fiance today on facebook, him kissing her pregnant stomach and all, made me want to vomit. God this just hurts so much.

[ThePiedPiper]

My friend showed me some pictures of my ex and his pregnant fiance today on facebook, him kissing her pregnant stomach and all, made me want to vomit. God this just hurts so much.

I had to tell my friends I didn't want to hear/receive anything related to my ex. Maybe you should too?

[goalie_girl34]

I was curious. But deep down I know its not good for me to keep reinjuring myself like that. No more. Its just too hard to see anyway.

Gotta just keep moving forward. Thanks for the suport everyone. Still feeling very different than my normal self, I guess because for almost 2 years he was a part of my normal self. It still hurts, I still feel very numb...very strange. Ugh. I dont even know what to say. I find myself missing him, and yet I feel like I shouldnt. I'm angry at myself for that.