Hello, this is my first post! I'd like to to give everyone a bit of background facts:
- I'm 26, he's 29.
- He lives in Boston, I live in Kentucky. We met via a mutual friend back in August.
- He is in a band that is doing very well for themselves (won a Billboard award last year, a couple of VMAs and just had a song placed in an international ad for Samsung coming out very soon) so he is very busy, but always makes time to talk/text/skype me whenever. No one in the band is into sleeping around/drugs (besides pot) or groupies and all are in committed relationships, so that isn't my worry at all.
- He's visited me a few times, I've visited him a few times.
It used to be that we would chat for hours every single day, then call each other for hours afterward. This was, of course, at the start of the relationship so it is to be expected that we can not maintain that level of steam. He still is often first to initiate conversation, wish me good morning or tell me about his day (I try not to IM him first because I don't want to seem like I am pestering him). During his recent West Coast tour over NYE we still chatted, he called me from the beach to hear the ocean, called each other at midnight on NYE, etc. When he came back he was attentive, he always has been.
However, tonight we got into a discussion about my next trip to Boston. During our last skype conversation on Tuesday he told me to hold off on buying a ticket because he is unsure of when he will be fully available.
Tonight I brought it up again since I work a job where I have to report to a boss and give them notice. During our conversation I tried to figure out dates, and he said I should push it back to beginning of Feburary and I should shorten it to 4-5 days instead of 6-7 like usual because they are about to start being extremely busy with touring, logistics of touring and meetings and all kinds of things (when I pointed out that this means it will be nearly two months from our last visit he suggested I pick a closer date). He said I should plan for the weekend because he will be home. However, what raised my alarms was his request to stay for only 4-5 days instead of my usual 6 because he felt like last time I was here he needed a bit of space because "being with someone 24/7 no more than 10 feet from someone for 6 days is intense". I was kind of hurt by that, considering he was all over me during that week and it had been the first time we'd seen each other since five weeks. I know he is a loner who is used to being on his own a lot, as am I. I told him he could have told me he needed some me time and I would understand and go out to find something to do for a few hours. It wasn't so much the fact that he felt like he needed some alone time that hurt, but the fact he couldn't tell me.
So anyway, our conversation progressed and I asked if he still thinks me moving to Boston in May is a good idea. He said "I honestly don't know. I'd like you to but a billion things could happen between now and then...we may want to be married by then, we may hate eachother, I might run off and join a circus...I have no idea. You know I am bad at long term planning, and even more so with all the added pressures from this up coming tour schedule." He has always told me he is terrible at long term planning and usually never does it because his life is always up in the air, so that isn't any change. I told him I have one goal right now and that is to save up enough money so I can move to Boston and find my own place (he originally wanted us to live together but I said no), have a cushion until I find a job and get set up. He said he liked my plan.
Afterward I was feeling very insecure and asked him if he still loved me (which was stupid on my part). He said yes, of course. It was then I sort of broke out my fears that I am not good enough for him and that he is going to realize that: I work at a dry cleaner for minimum wage, and about to pick up a night job so I can save money faster to be closer to him (he knows this), I told him I'm not a model, or a socialite, or some rich daddy's girl who travels the world with a glamorous life... you know, the kinds of girls who should be dating rockstars. He then told me that he is worried he is not good enough for me, and I will get sick of him because he is a recluse who is not very good at maintaining relationships with anyone, be it work, family or girls and doesn't work very hard at maintaining relationships, he's had two real relationships and both ended badly because he thinks he is very bad at being a good boyfriend. He's worried I will get sick of him and just leave.
He knows I am very low maintenance and likes that a lot. I told him ultimately I want us to be happy, and he said "I think we are".
He then said he really wants to come out to my homestate and see where I lived, grew up, etc. He's mentioned it before, but said so again after our conversation.
So, should I start coming up with a back-up plan or progress on?
- I'm 26, he's 29.
- He lives in Boston, I live in Kentucky. We met via a mutual friend back in August.
- He is in a band that is doing very well for themselves (won a Billboard award last year, a couple of VMAs and just had a song placed in an international ad for Samsung coming out very soon) so he is very busy, but always makes time to talk/text/skype me whenever. No one in the band is into sleeping around/drugs (besides pot) or groupies and all are in committed relationships, so that isn't my worry at all.
- He's visited me a few times, I've visited him a few times.
It used to be that we would chat for hours every single day, then call each other for hours afterward. This was, of course, at the start of the relationship so it is to be expected that we can not maintain that level of steam. He still is often first to initiate conversation, wish me good morning or tell me about his day (I try not to IM him first because I don't want to seem like I am pestering him). During his recent West Coast tour over NYE we still chatted, he called me from the beach to hear the ocean, called each other at midnight on NYE, etc. When he came back he was attentive, he always has been.
However, tonight we got into a discussion about my next trip to Boston. During our last skype conversation on Tuesday he told me to hold off on buying a ticket because he is unsure of when he will be fully available.
Tonight I brought it up again since I work a job where I have to report to a boss and give them notice. During our conversation I tried to figure out dates, and he said I should push it back to beginning of Feburary and I should shorten it to 4-5 days instead of 6-7 like usual because they are about to start being extremely busy with touring, logistics of touring and meetings and all kinds of things (when I pointed out that this means it will be nearly two months from our last visit he suggested I pick a closer date). He said I should plan for the weekend because he will be home. However, what raised my alarms was his request to stay for only 4-5 days instead of my usual 6 because he felt like last time I was here he needed a bit of space because "being with someone 24/7 no more than 10 feet from someone for 6 days is intense". I was kind of hurt by that, considering he was all over me during that week and it had been the first time we'd seen each other since five weeks. I know he is a loner who is used to being on his own a lot, as am I. I told him he could have told me he needed some me time and I would understand and go out to find something to do for a few hours. It wasn't so much the fact that he felt like he needed some alone time that hurt, but the fact he couldn't tell me.
So anyway, our conversation progressed and I asked if he still thinks me moving to Boston in May is a good idea. He said "I honestly don't know. I'd like you to but a billion things could happen between now and then...we may want to be married by then, we may hate eachother, I might run off and join a circus...I have no idea. You know I am bad at long term planning, and even more so with all the added pressures from this up coming tour schedule." He has always told me he is terrible at long term planning and usually never does it because his life is always up in the air, so that isn't any change. I told him I have one goal right now and that is to save up enough money so I can move to Boston and find my own place (he originally wanted us to live together but I said no), have a cushion until I find a job and get set up. He said he liked my plan.
Afterward I was feeling very insecure and asked him if he still loved me (which was stupid on my part). He said yes, of course. It was then I sort of broke out my fears that I am not good enough for him and that he is going to realize that: I work at a dry cleaner for minimum wage, and about to pick up a night job so I can save money faster to be closer to him (he knows this), I told him I'm not a model, or a socialite, or some rich daddy's girl who travels the world with a glamorous life... you know, the kinds of girls who should be dating rockstars. He then told me that he is worried he is not good enough for me, and I will get sick of him because he is a recluse who is not very good at maintaining relationships with anyone, be it work, family or girls and doesn't work very hard at maintaining relationships, he's had two real relationships and both ended badly because he thinks he is very bad at being a good boyfriend. He's worried I will get sick of him and just leave.
He knows I am very low maintenance and likes that a lot. I told him ultimately I want us to be happy, and he said "I think we are".
He then said he really wants to come out to my homestate and see where I lived, grew up, etc. He's mentioned it before, but said so again after our conversation.
So, should I start coming up with a back-up plan or progress on?
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