I now know the truth about Francesco

[WhiteValkyrie]

He wasn't a player. He wasn't a cheat. He wasn't a liar.


He is in a religious cult, which probably told him to break off contact with me, as I was a bad influence (could have led him into premarital sex). I found out he was in this cult last winter, 2011. I spoke with other cult members (it's a worldwide cult so they didn't know him) and they said that his behavior sounds very typical.


Now I would like to help him out of this cult. I love him and he is my friend, or was once. It is psychologically destructive and no one joins, they are fooled and recruited, so I don't want to blame him.

Public confessions are pushed on members, who must detail intimate sexual and other "sins" in front of the group, arranged marriages are the norm and most are unhappy and have to be annulled (and either way, members are not allowed to love their spouse, except in a brotherly manner, so they are rather easy to break up- which the cult does if one member leaves). Food and sleep deprivation occur at Easter ("fasting"). Members are told to cut ties with friends and family who are skeptical about the cult. They are also told to abandon "idols"- hobbies, interests, jobs, or even persons who get in the way of their commitment to the group.


There are ways to get members out of cults, and it has to be done very carefully, but I have a strategy, from professional counselors.


I don't know if there is such a thing as fate, but perhaps I was meant to get in touch with him, and to have that horrible thing happen between us, so that I could help get him out of the cult.


Love you Francesco.

[Bbth]

Omg, this is... :o
I really hope you suceed
Good luck!

[WhiteValkyrie]

Well, I just sent him this about 3 days ago:

"Hi, Francesco! It’s nice to talk to you. I hope you’re doing well and that you had a great holiday. I have seen some good things in the Neocatechumenal Way and I also like a lot of the songs, especially Una Gran Senal. Have you still been walking? I’ve changed a lot lately. I’m learning new things and seeing new places. I know you must have had a hard life and I want you to know that if you are sad you can always talk to me.

I hope you have a very happy 2013."



And he didn't respond. Also, he erased his online profile. No normal person does that.

[MattDavies86]

How can a cult force you to do such things your not happy about? I don't get it, wouldn't oyu have to be exceptionally weak minded for that? :S

[Carenza LaRue]

He wasn't a player. He wasn't a cheat. He wasn't a liar.


He is in a religious cult, which probably told him to break off contact with me, as I was a bad influence (could have led him into premarital sex). I found out he was in this cult last winter, 2011. I spoke with other cult members (it's a worldwide cult so they didn't know him) and they said that his behavior sounds very typical.


Now I would like to help him out of this cult. I love him and he is my friend, or was once. It is psychologically destructive and no one joins, they are fooled and recruited, so I don't want to blame him.

Public confessions are pushed on members, who must detail intimate sexual and other "sins" in front of the group, arranged marriages are the norm and most are unhappy and have to be annulled (and either way, members are not allowed to love their spouse, except in a brotherly manner, so they are rather easy to break up- which the cult does if one member leaves). Food and sleep deprivation occur at Easter ("fasting"). Members are told to cut ties with friends and family who are skeptical about the cult. They are also told to abandon "idols"- hobbies, interests, jobs, or even persons who get in the way of their commitment to the group.


There are ways to get members out of cults, and it has to be done very carefully, but I have a strategy, from professional counselors.


I don't know if there is such a thing as fate, but perhaps I was meant to get in touch with him, and to have that horrible thing happen between us, so that I could help get him out of the cult.


Love you Francesco.

although I understand your motives.... be very careful when it comes to your own feelings.

if Francesco is an adult.... and he wants to be with these people...... there is nothing you can do really.

if you love him that much, then don't give up hope but realise it might be a hard struggle with no positive results in the end.
it really comes down to what Francesco wants..... realise it can be hard for you when you find out he doesn't want you but chooses for that cult instead.

just saying...... best of luck...

[kteire]

Oh I remember you...

I don't know whether to be completely honest or try and be constructive... But I'll just say that you barely know this guy, you had a ridiculously brief 'relationship' with him and he used you. It's better if you worry about your own health rather than his, it's not healthy to still be this consumed by someone this long after things ended.

[kittyo9]

How can a cult force you to do such things your not happy about? I don't get it, wouldn't you have to be exceptionally weak minded for that? :S

You'd be surprised... I had a very intelligent and kind female friend who used to identify as bisexual (and had a girlfriend) who got recruited to the "Christian 180" group (which can be considered a cult) on her campus and now denounces homosexuality in every way (including shutting out her ex girlfriend from her life) and only updates facebook with bible verses. It's not really forcing them, because they willingly buy into it.

I'm concerned by what kteire says.

[Malaga]

It's better if you worry about your own health rather than his, it's not healthy to still be this consumed by someone this long after things ended.

Yes, exactly.

If the cult is this Neocatechumenal Way you mentioned, it's apparently recognised by Vatican as part of the Catholic Church. We may or may not agree with it, but adults make their own choices. This person blocked any communication with you a long time ago so let him live his life in whatever way he chose to do, there is nothing you will accomplish, except maybe getting a court restraint against you. Whether he's an asshole or not, it's time to let it go. Please move on with your life and seek some counseling yourself.

[kteire]

I'm concerned by what kteire says.

Read her old posts from summer 2011. I am honestly worried that she's still not over this guy, and she previously said she wanted to show up and destroy his life... OP I think you need to move on.

[ThePiedPiper]

Read her old posts from summer 2011. I am honestly worried that she's still not over this guy, and she previously said she wanted to show up and destroy his life... OP I think you need to move on.

If the threads/OP are/is genuine, there's probably something more serious going on than simply "I'm in love" and therefore, it is unlikely to change. The OPer has proven that they see nothing wrong or pathological with their behaviour and therefore, they probably will not end up seeking help for it regardless of how much breath is wasted. I feel like in this case, the best thing to do is to ignore the thread based on the OPer's history and past with the forum, especially given the severity of the OPer's thinking, as I can only see this turning into a heated argument and having to be shut down otherwise. :/ The OPer doesn't and never has wanted advice.

[digitalfever]

You won't save him because he doesn't want to be saved. Move on.

[Kanga]

I had to look to see the threads. I remember those. You need to let go of him, it was almost two years ago. Besides, dealing with people in cult's is not a safe thing to do. Some of them are very very insane. Worry about yourself.

[Tanja]

I'm stunned to see that you're still hung up on Franceso. It's quite worrying tbh, a lot of time has passed and you were never in a real relationship with this man. Now you want to save him by trying to get him out of a cult he's willingly joined? Not a good idea.

I second what Kteire said: forget about F and get yourself a therapist who you can deal your issues with. Being obsessed with a person is not love.

[Moon]

People, this thread might be better off being ignored, both for the sake of the OP, and our own. Read her previous threads, she's not playing with a full deck, and is perfectly fine with it. There's a desperation for attention here, along with her extremely unhealthy obsession. You can't help someone who clearly isn't interested in getting said help.

[rach92g]

And he didn't respond. Also, he erased his online profile. No normal person does that.

I went back and read your posts from last year, and now you pop up again with this stuff. I feel that I'm being completely honest when I say you're wrong. A normal person DOES do what he did. He does not want to be contacted by you and is trying to block you from his life. No "normal" person does what you are doing. You're obsessed with someone you've never even met, someone you barely knew. I believe you need to seek professional help. This is ridiculous.