Announcement

**Black_Halloween** · January 13, 2013, 05:18 PM

Have you asked if anything is wrong? It could be a simple communication error.

**wonderlandless** · January 13, 2013, 05:42 PM

I also feel like I have been annoying my guy lately, too. Sometimes when I type something he'll reply with 'ya rly' or something else in a joking manner. It kind of hurts.

**kayla_622** · January 13, 2013, 05:51 PM

I'm 95% sure its just stress from work and how his life is right now. I asked him the other day if I annoyed him because something similar happened. He said very rarely. Which I understand I don't think its uncommon for couples to be annoyed with things their partner does but I feel like everything I say recently is just...annoying to him. I haven't changed the way I talk to him or the things I say since I met him. I don't know what's going on. Maybe it is just stress in his life right now. I try not to cause arguments about this because I know he doesn't need the added stress but I'm a pretty sensitive person and when I see him responding like that it upsets me. I have this fear that he's just going to leave me because I say something, he says something smart as a response or gets annoyed at me and then I say something back letting him know how it made me feel and he'll just get fed up with everything and break up with me eventually over this stuff.

Maybe I'm overreacting? I don't want to let it go on and just have him think I'm a pushover though but, I'm also not sure if i should try to nip this in the bud now or wait till it actually gets serious.

**wonderlandless** · January 13, 2013, 06:14 PM

At least he's responding! Mine has suddenly started to take hours to respond (even if I message him back immediately). :[

**kayla_622** · January 13, 2013, 06:20 PM

My SO has never just ignored me like that. Your SO might be busy with something or he does better when talking on the phone instead of im'ing.

**Hyacinth** · January 13, 2013, 06:22 PM

my SO has his days too. sarcasm... little remarks or comments, half-hearted replies. mehh.
in the moment, it hurts or angers me but afterwards, like right now, when i'm thinking calmly, i think i'd just put it down to work related stress but specially, stress caused by the LDR itself. some guys don't like letting on just how badly they're affected by the distance and instead resort to sarcasm and things like that, acting all tough. and i also think sometimes... the texting gets 'tiring'. as in, one can really miss good old face to face conversations or just sitting in silence and enjoying each other's company.

anyway, when this would happen before (conversation getting all weird), things would get out of hand. but now, i just try and change the subject to something more engaging for him. OR, i just tell him about my day.

**wonderlandless** · January 13, 2013, 06:24 PM

He's always been absolutely awesome at IM conversation. I think I really messed up, we sort of had a little argument on Thursday and he's been unusually distant ever since. Then again, when I asked him to skype me last night when I was feeling ill he did immediately and was very talkative (he did most of the talking in the hour long conversation) and giving me his usual lovey looks. I know today he is watching football, and he said yesterday he was watching football, reading and editing a bunch of pictures from his NYE trip... but still, it really hurts. Especially since I can see he is currently posting on one of his forums he likes to go to.

If he's still doing it by Tuesday I'm going to ask him whats up. I really hope I didn't screw up the relationship. Last night was the first night he didn't get on FB and wish me goodnight, either.

**kiara_silver** · January 13, 2013, 07:09 PM

It might just be stress with his day or whats going on in his life. Or he may be bored and feeling blah. Could be a lot of things, there are days when my SO is meh. I get worried im annoying him. He just isn't as chatty and I sometimes read into it to much thinking im being dull or something's wrong, and it's not the case. Some days there just isn't much to talk about. But I get how you feel. Maybe relax, if you did nothing wrong, and you haven't fought, breath and take a step back, but if it continues, do talk to him. I think if lack of communication lasts to long and goes on for days that can lead to becoming distant. But I think sometimes we tend to over think, and make something into something bigger.

**ThePiedPiper** · January 13, 2013, 07:15 PM

Originally posted by kiara_silver View Post

It might just be stress with his day or whats going on in his life. Or he may be bored and feeling blah. Could be a lot of things, there are days when my SO is meh. I get worried im annoying him. He just isn't as chatty and I sometimes read into it to much thinking im being dull or something's wrong, and it's not the case. Some days there just isn't much to talk about. But I get how you feel. Maybe relax, if you did nothing wrong, and you haven't fought, breath and take a step back, but if it continues, do talk to him. I think if lack of communication lasts to long and goes on for days that can lead to becoming distant. But I think sometimes we tend to over think, and make something into something bigger.

I agree with this. I think the other thing you could do is re-frame how you feel when he posts :|? Or ask other questions to strike up a conversation than ones that are obviously answered? For example, "what's it about again?" or "would you recommend I watch it?" might have been better questions than "glad you bought it then?" when he had just commented on how amazing the movie was. Even asking how it was amazing would have been a good conversation starter, assuming he likes to talk movies. The way I see it is he's telling you to calm down because you're being over-sensitive to :|. He is more or less conveying that, and so I think you have to realise that sometimes he's going to say :| and he doesn't mean it as harshly as you interpret it. As opposed to pushing him or wanting to communicate with him so that he stops doing :| at a time in his life when he's stressed out, I would reframe it. Understand he doesn't mean to be a jackass with it or that you're annoying him; it's simply "a response." Look at it as just a response. Don't censor what you say. Just take a moment to breathe and re-think how you're interpreting his faces.

**kayla_622** · January 13, 2013, 09:36 PM

After this happened we started talking again. I had taken a few minutes to compose my thoughts and things seemed to go back normal. Before he went to bed I apologized if I had over reacted and he admitted that it was his fault too because he wasn't being very sympathetic. He made sure I was okay now and everything was resolved. Stuff happens in the heat of the moment I guess but we seem to be able to quickly resolve issues which I like. So, all is well for now.

**redapple** · January 14, 2013, 05:03 AM

I personally hate IM for this reason, it can be so easily misinterpretated but good news that you managed to deal with it quickly. However I just wanted to chime in with the don't censor yourself. Someone youre with deserves the full you not a censored version and you deserve to be allowed to speak your mind in a relationship!

**Irina_Linn** · January 14, 2013, 07:36 AM

in my opinion and considering his situation,you are just asking wrong question.see the logic: he likes the movie,so obviously he is glad he has it.why would you ask obvious things? i am not blaming you,i just think that he is stressed most of the time,you should ask questions that would make sense and wont seem obvious to him.but still he doesnt have any right to just snap at you because he is in stress

**kayla_622** · January 14, 2013, 09:35 AM

Originally posted by Irina_Linn View Post

in my opinion and considering his situation,you are just asking wrong question.see the logic: he likes the movie,so obviously he is glad he has it.why would you ask obvious things? i am not blaming you,i just think that he is stressed most of the time,you should ask questions that would make sense and wont seem obvious to him.but still he doesnt have any right to just snap at you because he is in stress

I ask the wrong things because I'm just bad at communication. I don't know the "right way" to have a conversation with someone so I tend to say things that either don't make sense or is just the wrong thing to say in general. My communication skills are lacking so, its hard sometimes to have decent conversations with people.

To redapple:

I try not to censor myself with my SO. Usually when I get comfortable with someone I stop thinking about what I'm about to say and just say whatever but, it can be weird sometimes because of what I said above. I have SAD (social anxiety disorder) too so, that probably doesn't help. When situations like last night happen it makes me just want to crawl back into my shell and start really thinking before I say things because I'm worried about how he'll react. I really try to just let all of that go when I'm around him but, it can be hard when it feels like someone gets angry with you for something you thought was okay to say.

**Irina_Linn** · January 14, 2013, 10:17 AM

Originally posted by kayla_622 View Post

I ask the wrong things because I'm just bad at communication. I don't know the "right way" to have a conversation with someone so I tend to say things that either don't make sense or is just the wrong thing to say in general. My communication skills are lacking so, its hard sometimes to have decent conversations with people.

oh i see.maybe try this:answer your own question before asking it and see whether it sounds ok or not? it may actually work,i suppose.and also you may look at your questions or statements from your SO perspective so you will know how he will react. but actually i think there is nothing wrong in bad communication skills and your SO should help you improve them instead of acting smart.especially if he knows how hard you try and how hard it can be for you.i really think you have to figure it out with him and ask him for assistance

Announcement

I feel like I'm annoying him

I feel like I'm annoying him

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment