My SO is friends again with her EX

[gi_]

Hi guys,

I feel down recently, cuz im busy with school and such. i always log on to messenger tho so that whenever my SO is on she can buzz me. anyway im very much contactable. i even sign up for skype call forwarding, so she can call me even when im not online. but she seems so be busy lately. and has since stopped buzzing me. i couldnt get hold of her also. i dono what to think. she has been friends again with her ex. i might be overreacting here..

last night i missed her so much, i couldnt sleep and sent her a lengthy offline message telling her i miss her. then this morning, i caught her online for 5 secs before she logged off again, i guess she got the message i sent her but, why does she logs off again so quickly. did she even read my message? doesn't she care?

my head is telling me shes avoiding me or something. but my heart thinks otherwise but i cant make sense out of it. i dont want to ask her bout her ex cuz it surely backfired, i trust her on that. but she has so lesser time for me now. im still trying to get hold of her.. sigh.

[Rach321]

Hi Gi,
I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. I know it's easy to do, but often you'll find that the conclusions you make are false and you've caused yourself unnecessary heartache as a result. Try writing her again and ask to set up a time to visit or to please let you know if she's too busy to talk right now. I'm not sure how long it's been since you talked? What it just this morning that she seemed to avoid you? Perhaps she was really, really busy and knew you were upset so didn't want to tell you that she didn't have time for you right then. It's hard to say. But like I said, try not to let it bother you too much until you are able to get more information.

[Alisz]

I dunno, I think it's kinda strange that she has logged on this morning and hasn't said anything to you. You expressed your worry to her and I would think she'd at least reassure you somehow. Even if it's a simple, "I'm sorry, I've been really busy lately." Is this out of the norm for you guys? I know every couple is different. My boyfriend and I make sure to say something to each other everyday so the other doesn't worry. But I've known some couples that don't communicate everyday and that's normal for them. If that's the case, she could just be busy with things and hasn't had much time to explain. I wouldn't worry about it too much, but at the same time it's important to keep the lines of communication open in a relationship (especially if it's LD). Maybe send her another message, but not so 'needy' and more casual. Like ask her how she is and that you hope things are well. Wait a day or two and see how she responds. Hopefully she'll get some time to explain things to you. The key is to not over think or overreact. ^^

[Taija]

It does seem a bit strange that she didn't say anything to you, but like Rach said, it's best to not jump to any conclusions. There might be a perfectly good reason why she has been so busy lately, so you should have a talk and express your concerns, preferably over phone or webcam so there won't be any misunderstandings.

[gi_]

i feel shes avoiding me. she hasnt left any message at all for me, she hides her relationship status back in to the info tab. and i went to her friendster page, guess what i found, on her wall she wrote "i dont know what i feel for ya". who is this for? it was dated 8 January 2010 though, we were not having this issue then. Is this when she met back with her ex?

argh, i went to occupy myself with stuff so i dont miss her that much. but now im back to square one.

[Bluestars]

Honestly, from what I have read, I would be suspicious as well--although there could always be other explanations. From what it sounds like, she might be trying to get her distance because she wants to break up. My ex-boyfriend quit talking to me before he dumped me, and my boyfriend's ex-girlfriends did this to him as well. I think you need to get her talk to you. It is not fair for her to ignore you. Is there any way that you can contact her and get her to answer--like call her telephone or something? You need to ask her what is going on. If she wants to break up, then she should do it without stringing you along.

Sorry you are going through this! *hugs* Until you get this figured out, you need to go have yourself some fun or do something for yourself. Best of wishes!

[gi_]

i dono what it is yet. i posted on her facebook wall saaying i miss her. i went online to our mmo game and sent her a message as suggested by Alisz, like how are things, hope its well. havent talked in awhile. well she still is in realtionship with me tho she hid it back into the info tab. and ingame she still married to me and such..

quite unknown yet so i shall not bring up that break up word. i cant focus on anything now, sigh i have essay to write due in 2 weeks.

what should i do? should i send another message? what im thinking now is that, her ex appeared again and now she's wavering.. but thats what i assume..

[Altessa]

Hey Gi, I would be worried if I were you too, and I cannot imagine how anxious you must feel right now. I guess you've already tried contacting her in all the ways you know how. Like Blustars suggested, is it possible for you to call her? It's an immediate way of getting into contact with her and would hopefully get you two to talk about what's been going on. It's hard not to jump to conclusions but I think it's inevitable. I would be panicking by now! But before you get a straight answer from her I guess it won't be constructive to let this fear get to you too much. The most important thing right now is to hear from her, and I wish you luck in that!

[gi_]

its not possible cuz of her parent's didnt allow me to get her house no the last time, though im now more comfortable with her parents but i didnt ask for the no again.. , and her cellphone is broken, i only can facebook msg her, messenger and ingame which i have tried all, just waiting a reply now. i also leave a msg to her mom's facebook.. and her sister's..

[fcbella]

I think with any relationship, when something like this happens and your instincts are kinda kickin in.. you have to prepare for the good outcome and the bad. Say it turns out it was all a misunderstanding, great! The choose to discuss how to avoid this in the future.

But.. say you don't hear from her for another week, or longer? I think you have to decide what the cut off date will be.. "If I don't hear from her in 9 days.. that's it. It's not fair to me, I deserve respect, and this is not a healthy relationship". It sounds like you have done what you can to try and contact her. I wouldn't keep pushing. Maybe write one last msg, tell her what you're feeling (don't sugar coat it -- be honest) and just wait it out. The more you push for someone, especially a partner that may not be 100% in the relationship risks only pushing them further away.

I do speak from experience. About 8-9months into Steve and I's relationship he went afk... for a month! I called, only got voicemail, I emailed, msn'd, texted, even joined a website he was on that I could msg him through. A girl I work with sat me down one day and had a heart to heart.. said you just have to decide what is best for YOU. She was the one that suggested the 'cut off' date, and I listened.

I was so hurt by this point, that I had assumed he just wasn't ready for the relationship and wasn't strong enough to call it quits himself. In my head I had decided 4 wks total was the limit and if he still hadn't contacted me, that was it.

During the 4th week I got a email from his mom asking if I had heard from Steve as she hadn't either!! I wrote her some very detailed letters about what I had assumed was going on, and stated within them that "I understand Steve is just not ready for this relationship right now and I have accepted that". On the one month date, I finally changed my facebook status to single. Strangely enough that same night Steve finally got online. Apparently there were a ton of technology issues, school troubles, etc. Whether the email facebook sent him woke him up, or it was just fate.. I'll never know. But we discussed everything and it has worked ever since. Trust me though, he still got in major 'trouble' for not at least going to a payphone! grr.

My point is.. really odd seeming scenario's can be just that.. weird scenario's that we create in our worrying minds. If it's meant to work out it will, but I just think it's better to prepare for the worst and give yourself the respect and dignity you deserve.

Good luck!

[gi_]

firstly i wanna thank you all for the support and helping me through this rough period

i finally got a closure. she went online today and we talked.

she told me she is not happy anymore and dunno why.
so i said, "i see"
"what do you suggest?"
she said, "i dunno why my feelings went wrong"
so i said, "it's alright, im sorry i didnt do enough to deserve you"
"i hope you can find someone who can love you more than i do"
"take care"
she replied "u too.. take care"

-end-


its a little cheesy my last message for her, but well that's what i really wish for her.
i plan not to login facebook anymore, i cant take the sight of the relationship status.
probably will login again once she updated it. told my friend to monitor for me.
lol it sounds silly but it hurts me if i do it.
but on the other hand, it doesnt hurt that much because i know, i have been making effort in this relationship. i have tried and lost.
the only regret perhaps, didnt do enough but its past now.

shall now prioritize all my time on my Ethics research paper on CSR.
i guess im not useful anymore in this forum... maybe when i found another love story to share, i will come back.

once again thanks all! :')

[Bluestars]

I'm sorry that it worked out this way *hugs! Just a tiny advice: Delete her off your friend's list, that way you will not feel the need to stalk her every time you get on facebook. Do not work too hard on your paper; I think you should have at least a day to mourn. Do something for yourself so that you will not totally go insane (that last one is for if you are anything like me lol). But best wishes in the future, and you are welcome here any time!

[Laura]

Whilst I know that I would be exactly the same in your situation, I also know that as an outsider it doesn't necessarily sound suspicious. I wouldn't be too keen on the sudden re-friending of her ex, but I also wouldn't recommend jumping to a conclusion. It really could just be that she's busy or having some kind of problem with connections and such. I'd say keep trying, and when you get hold of her just ask if she's okay and what happened with contact. Hopefully there'll be a perfectly reasonable explanation. There've been plenty of times nearer to the beginning of the relationship between me and Paul where he's gone out with friends or whatever and I've been unable to get hold of him, then it's turned out that he just left his phone at home because they were going to the cinema, etc. Try not to worry so much. :-)

[Laura]

I should read the whole thread before I post. ¬_¬
I'm really sorry to hear what happened and I hope you're okay. :-(
*HUGS*

[Taija]

I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out. *hugs*

You seem to be taking the break up in a very mature way, though, so that's great. Try to keep yourself occupied with other things, but when you start feeling like it, remember that it's alright to break down and cry a little - break up is never easy.