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    #1

    Anxiety at SO new city

    Hiii all, Im a big fan of the site/forum and always come to it for advice and guidance so please be honest!

    I have been in a long distance relationship on and off for nearly 4 years and am very used to it, sometimes i feel like i wouldnt have it any other way.

    He has just moved to a different city again (London). This is the third time in two years. The place he just left, Leicester, is where we met and I adored him living there. We have a great group of friends there to go out with and for the past year I have been planning how to move there with him and still be able to commute to my job. Then a few months before christmas he told me he needed to move to be closer to his job as he couldnt afford the commute and it was really terrible and stressful for him.

    I was absolutely devastated as we had the best year in Leicester and I thought we would be moving there but he loves his job and I supported him in his decision (i still do!)

    Visiting him in the new place has been fine. But I cant stop comparing it to Leicester because I loved it so much. It is also making me be a bit snappy with him and I hate it (it sounds stupid but I feel like im mourning the old city! :/ )

    Also I feel I cant relax the weekends I see him in the new place as I have to get a weird train home and will face problems if I don't meet the connecting train etc so have been suffering from a lot of anxiety lately which doesnt feel healthy. My dad has made comments about me looking drained and a bit withdrawn and he has always been right about these things.

    Any idea what this is/how to sort it/or should I just man up and stop complaining??
    Tags: None
    #2
    I remember you and I still think that you should accept it and move on there is a saying "don't cry over spilled milk", which is very true in your situation. Maybe at some point in your life you get the chance to move back to your favourite city but his reasons to move there were very reasonable and for now, it's good the way it is. Isn't the most important thing that you two are happy with your lives and then, when you move together, that you _are_ together and not _where_ you are?
    Just a thought...

    Comment

      #3
      Obviously it's totally normal to like one place more than another but in this situation you don't really have a choice, you can't go back to Leicester so I think you just need to change your attitude and make the best of the situation you've got. The above poster is right, at least you've got each other right?

      I think it might be good or you to accept that it's not going to be the same as where you were, wipe the slate clean and try again to like and accept where he is now.

      Comment

        #4
        i think you should focus on the most important thing here; you guys still get to be together, whether it be London or Timbuktu. London sure is different but think of it as an 'adventure', a NEW place to make NEW memories, happier memories
        and why mourn Leicester? it's still there! when you guys ever get around to planning a get-away weekend, why not make Leicester your little haven? it can be your 'special' place!

        Comment

          #5
          Hi

          Thanks so so much for replying with advice. I am going to wipe the slate clean and make an effort.

          I’m just worried more about this anxiety thats randomly developed about this move, the past three i haven’t been too bad??

          I do spend a lot of time with my friends, to the point where he sometimes feels neglected and I feel bad because he doesn’t know anyone in the new place so has no one to go out with. whether thats it :/

          Thanks!

          Comment

            #6
            in your first post, you mentioned travelling issues (the weird train and the connecting train). any way you could elaborate further on that? when i was in London, long train journeys and connections stressed me out.

            question: are you a 'worrier' in general? or is this new to you?

            i think it's alright that you're stressing about the new place. you mention having the best year in Leicester and all your plans were revolving around that city. and now things have changed all of a sudden, disrupting your plans. is it possible that this change is causing you anxiety because you feel you will not be able to reproduce the happiness you had in Leicester in the new place?

            is he working on making new friends? i'm sure once he does, he'll be alright.

            give things a little time to settle down and adopt a bright and positive attitude. in my humble opinion, even if we get attached to particular places, at the end of the day, our true happiness is where our SO is.

            Comment

              #7

              you are in SAME country and you are meeting him.seriously? think about people who are at totally opposite ends of the world

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by Irina_Linn View Post

                you are in SAME country and you are meeting him.seriously? think about people who are at totally opposite ends of the world
                This is really unhelpful and just rude. Cut it out.

                OP, I understand that a move can throw a relationship into tumult. But he didn't move that far. It's something that BOTH of you will have to get used to. From what I've heard about London, it's a lovely city and there's a lot to do and take in there. You could have so many adventures with your SO. It'll be great for you guys to get out and do new things . Variety is the spice of life.

                I recently got a job In New York City. It opened an whole new world for me and my SO to explore. Central Park. Rockefeller Center. The Museum of Natural History. London has so many things for you to do ( I will admit I"m a bit jealous because I've wanted to visit London since I was a child). Embrace it! Learn a few things
                "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love " ~ Theodore Seuss Geisel.

                Comment

                  #9
                  I found a TON of things to do when I was in London for the weekend, surely you and your SO could share some experiences that way.

                  Give the situation some time, you will adjust and be able to work around it in no time.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    thank you so much for your comments, I know you guys are right and I know deep down I needed someone to just say get on with it and felt this was the place to talk to as none of my friends are in long distance relationships and I dont want to give him more bother at the mo than he already has.

                    I didnt mean to offend anyone about our distance, I appreciate there are others out there in a longer distance, just thought this was the place to come for a bit of advice thats all...

                    thanks guys! x

                    oh and Hyacinth, I have to go to london, then back out again, then another train, so a bit messy transfers? and yes I definitely am a worrier!!
                    Last edited by kellybleedinghearts; January 18, 2013, 04:41 PM.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I'm coming in a little late on this one....
                      But here's my 2 cents lol
                      I totally understand the anxiety thing. I took a train to see my fiancé once. I was a wreck the whole week I was with him because I was worried about the return trip. It was the first time I had traveled alone. The second time I went to see him I drove, from MI to NY, by myself. I was a wreck. lol
                      It's ok to be anxious about traveling, and it's ok to miss the city that you both love so much. Maybe at some point you'll both be back there. In the meantime, just enjoy the fact that you see him often (I'm jealous lol) and enjoy the fact that you have somebody that loves you. Everything else will fall into place. :0)

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Hi Julz, thats exactly what im talking about! hopefully its just the 'new' situation making me anxious and loads of my trains have been cancelled at short notice thats getting me all flustered!

                        thank you all for your lovely words, made me feel a lot better!

                        Comment

                          #13
                          oh no! i had to travel slightly outside of London occasionally and it was one of the things i hated the most! lol. the looong train journeys and the connections! argh. but you hang in there hun. some things are beyond our control, for e.g. train schedule etc. i know it can be stressful but take a deep breath and chin up i think, some stress in exchange for loads of time with our SO is a good deal right? ^_^

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Originally posted by Hyacinth View Post
                            oh no! i had to travel slightly outside of London occasionally and it was one of the things i hated the most! lol. the looong train journeys and the connections! argh. but you hang in there hun. some things are beyond our control, for e.g. train schedule etc. i know it can be stressful but take a deep breath and chin up i think, some stress in exchange for loads of time with our SO is a good deal right? ^_^
                            definately! well thats how im looking at it from now on

                            Comment

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