LDR- only because of job

[keepsmiling]

Hi. This is my first post, but i have reached a sense of frustration and need to voice it.

Background: My bf and I have been going out about a year and 3 months but have been long distance for about 9-10 months of it. He is in Chicago and I am in NY where we both are originally from. In the beginning of our relationship he was looking for a job here in NY but was unsuccessful and then found one in Chicago. He talks about how he is miserable there but would rather be unhappy than be unemployed. We already talk about the future and when he comes back moving in together etc. My frustration lies in the fact of I don't know what to say anymore. I bring up resume, job stuff he flips out because he says hes looking and just so lost and frustrated in looking and finding nothing. Also his brother got engaged over Christmas and I am sort of close to his soon-to be sister in law and she mentioned to me they booked a place. I said this to him and he react again because he is not home for his one and only brother planning to get married. Its like walking on eggshells.

The other annoyance is I feel its sometimes more one-sided in the communication only more recently. Since coming back from my last visit to him at new years I have really been struggling with this distance thing. Just becoming very frustrated, scared I am wasting my time if this doesn't work out... I am just lost.

I am sorry for my blabbing on but wanted to get my first post out there. Any words of advice is greatly greatly appreciated.

[lyonsgirl]

Welcome to LFAD!

Why is he so unhappy in Chicago? What does your SO do? Does he like his job, and not the location? Is it because you're not there/he's far away from family?

As far as his brother's wedding, does he want to help out with the wedding planning? I'm confused as to why he'd be upset about it, there's no way his work wouldn't allow him to take a day or two off to be there for his brother's wedding. (At least, not that I can think of.)

Hang in there, and you've come to the right place.

[keepsmiling]

Hey! I wrote out a whole reply this morning and somehow deleted it.. so here it goes for a second try..

My SO is PIDS coordinator for an aviation cost maintenance company. He has his masters in aeronautics and has a background in business as well. He says he could be fine with the job if he was home, but there is just no happiness there without his friends and family. Its so hard for me to hear him say that as there is nothing I can do about it. We do see each other every month so far.. longest apart was like a month and a week. We switch each month for the most part as now we are getting into the routine. He would be able to come home for his brothers wedding but would not be part of the whole planning and other stuff involved process.

He says he is looking but he is beyond frustrated especially with the whole resume thing and other's opinions on how to change it. He is beyond frustrated that he doesn't even want to do anything anymore on one hand. If i say anything, a fight begins..

I just don't know what to do anymore.

[nomnom_elf]

i partly understand what your OH is going through as i had to move away for a job, and me n my BF had been livin together beforehand. Hes obviously upset that he cannot be more involved in the arrangment of the wedding- the not knowing and being left in the dark when something so special and close to you is annoying. Suggest to the brother and bride to be having webcam chats with your OH, about some of the more simple aspects of wedding, ie what colour scheme, stag do stuff, catering.

moving to a new place without any nearby support is difficult. it takes a few months to get into the swing of things and build up aquaintences. can he draw out some work collegues to go out for a after work meal/ drink? does he play sports or have any other hobbies that he can find like minded people (with a lil help from google??) i forced myself to go to the gym to meet new people, and scoured group events for a knitters club. though i wouldn't call them best pals, it gets me out of the house and not dwelling too much on situations.

i know it is hard for you, but try not to think too much on the job and moving in together. yes its what you want for the future, but it's only going to reinforce his sad feelings at times. talk about upbeat things, how your day was, movies you intend to see, your next visit. I always feel better knowing when the next visit is. wish you both all the best. xx

[redapple]

It's tough, I get it. My SO is half way across the world from me and his family and not really having a great time. His sister also had her first and only baby (so far!) just before he left so he's missing out on seeing his first nephew growing up.

What can you do? Well tbh you can't do much. By the sound of your post he's getting stressed with too many people offering advice and the like. I think the best you can do is give him some space, tell him he can talk to you about anything if he wants to but then leave it. And as the poster above suggested try and make your time together as non stressful and fun as possible.