Preparing for a long distance relationship- advice warmly welcomed!

[LoveBug]

Hi all! I recently joined this site looking for advice in relation to long distance relationships.

I am incredibly lucky to have been going out with the most amazing guy ever for over three years now. Unlike many of the members here, we're from the same city and live 7 minutes away from each other by car. Before we started to date, we were the best of friends, really enjoyed one another's company and shared many interests. We're not perfect; we can argue over trivial things but at the end of the day, we care for each other so dearly - he's the guy of my dreams.

So what's the problem you may ask? Well, my super intelligent boyfriend has been awarded a scholarship to do a masters in the US, which means he's leaving Ireland (where we're from) in 22 days. To make things more challenging, I have professional exams to sit in 23 days - ah! Obviously, it's impossible to focus on my studies at the moment but that's not why I seek advice.

We're going to be separated for a year. That might seem fairly standard to some members, but for us, it'll be incredibly difficult. Normally, we see each other every day - even if it's just for a short while- or every other day at least. My boyfriend is my best friend; he's the person who knows everything about me and I tell him everything. We're so close that, I don't have to say how I feel, he'll just know. When things go wrong, when I'm upset or need advice, he drops everything to be by my side. Just seeing him, brightens up my day.

I'm going to be heartbroken when he leaves. My friends are great but they don't really understand fully what it's like as none of them have had serious relationships and I'm hoping that this site might help through the transitional period.

Naturally, we're spending as much quality time together as possible between now and D-day. But any tips to prepare for his departure and the beginning of a year apart would be invaluable and mean a lot to me.


*** This is my first post on a forum ever, so I'm sure I've left out vital information and if I have don't hesitate to ask! ***


P.S. LOVE the list of things you can do from a distance, a resource I'll definitely be putting to use.

[Rach321]

First, a very warm welcome to the site!!!

Sorry to hear you're going to need to focus on exams around the same time he's leaving. It's really hard to find a balance between spending all the time you can with him and doing what you need to do. The first piece of advice I can give you is related to that. Try to start seeing your exams as a blessing- they will give you something to focus on so that you won't be so focused on him leaving. Try to use studying as a way to not think about it.

Being apart for a year will be tough, but you'll also find that it will strengthen your relationship in ways you could never imagine. And you'll be closer in the end, I'm sure.

Plus, you'll find you have lots of support here!

[LadyMarchHare]

Welcome to the forum!

I think being in each other's presence for 3 years is going to help the 1 of distance because you've hit those awkward milestones already (I read somewhere the 3 month mark is hectic? I wouldn't know) and you're comfortable enough with knowing just who they are, how they act, what they say when they're upset and so on. The difference now is a lack of physical presence only. They're still 'there' with you just as you'll be 'there' in the states with him, you just can't reach out and touch each other.

A good thing to do may be to figure out where in the US he'll be so you can see what the timezone is and work out the difference from the one you're in. That way you know what time it is there when you usually get up or go to bed so that you guys can sketch out a rough idea of when to call/text/IM each other and know the other's awake and it's not a bad hour. Another might be to spend these last few days taking tons of pictures together and of just yourself (and he of himself) and share them so you have pictures of the both of you and just him to look at when you're feeling lonely. Communication's key so when he goes tell him to let you know in some form if he won't be available for x amount of days or even just the one so you aren't sitting there wondering where he is and so on. The first month will be the toughest because you'll be feeling out how to best get around the difference and 'see' them through only the internet but once you guys figure out a routine of sorts it'll seem easier. Maybe even throw little mini parties over Skype if you guys have webcams at the end of each month as a way of saying 'it's one month less before we're together again!'

[Rhiavaan]

Welcome to the forum LoveBug!

You can do this. Yes it will be harsh and painful. Like they said above communication is the number one key. Set aside a time daily or weekly you two talk. Like LadyMarch said take alot of pictures. Plaster them all over your walls and mirrors and computer. If you don't have webcams, get a set. Skype is awesome for keeping in touch. When you feel like crap, come here and vent, everyone here is a sweetheart that I've seen. Set mini motivational steps, like each month that passes, if that is too long cut it down to every week. I know Sean and I take each day as one day less we have to wait to be together.

[Silviar]

Welcome to the forum! You'll find a great bunch of folks here. Lots of people go short-distance to long-distance; let the strength of what you've built carry you through the year apart. The good thing about situations like this is you have a date when you get to be together.

[LoveBug]

Thank you all for your words of wisdom! It's a stressful time at the moment with exams, my boyfriend's departure and my family and I are moving house to boot! I know that our relationship is strong enough to go the distance, so to speak, but I suppose it's normal to have doubts (what girl in the State's wouldn't want to nab him! : ) ) and feel lonely about the move. At the end of the day, it is a fantastic opportunity for my boyfriend and I'm so proud of all of his achievements.

There will be a five hour time distance, it's not the worst but it's a good idea to start planning times to communicate - thanks LadyMarchHare. For the first five days that he's away, I have an exam each day which won't be easy academically or emotionally! But you're right Rach321, the distraction may be a blessing in disguise! I think you've a really positive attitude Rhiavaan, one should focus on the amount of time until the reunion rather than the time that has elapsed since being together. Silviar, it is a re-assuring to know, even roughly, when we'll be physically back together and I'm so grateful for that.

As much as this year will be the hardest year of my life, I think it will be really fulfilling too. It will give both of us an opportunity to be more independent and to grow individually, while still maintaining our close relationship.

Photos and mementos of things we've done together are really important to me! I have a scrapbook with little bits of everything that I have collected since we first started going out- the first flowers I received (pressed of course), cinema, theatre, game tickets I have kept etc. It's such a precious keepsake to me and I'm sure it'll mean even more to me during this year.

Thank you all for being so welcoming, I look forward to sharing my high and low points with you, and to provide support and encouragement to others too!

[msdevout]

Hey

How are you going? Im now 3 months in to a 15 months LDR - my SO went away to work. I have found it painful and hard but there are also days when you are fine and almost enjoy the freedom that a LDR does give you.
Ive had some very low days, so if you have one dont think its abnormal. Communication is the key, with our time differences and his work schedule we can only talk on the phone or skype once a week, but we generally send a txt a day (expensive!!). One tip - figure out between you what you will do during the times when one (or both) of you is really struggling, we found the first time one of us was in crisis rather scary and we almost broke up, but if we had had a plan of how to approach things etc before hand we would have made it through easier, but hey... we are still together

[msdevout]

Hey

How are you going? Im now 3 months in to a 15 months LDR - my SO went away to work. I have found it painful and hard but there are also days when you are fine and almost enjoy the freedom that a LDR does give you.
Ive had some very low days, so if you have one dont think its abnormal. Communication is the key, with our time differences and his work schedule we can only talk on the phone or skype once a week, but we generally send a txt a day (expensive!!). One tip - figure out between you what you will do during the times when one (or both) of you is really struggling, we found the first time one of us was in crisis rather scary and we almost broke up, but if we had had a plan of how to approach things etc before hand we would have made it through easier, but hey... we are still together